The Invisible Woman Chronicles

I got another round at Kohl's tomorrow.  Why did Capital One take over their credit card? I was trying to help my mom pay her bill and her password wasn't working with the set up so I thought ok, I can reset her password and help her.  I can't even begin how complicated the whole process was and I told her we have to pay in person.  She is considering using these checks she got from Sears, well it's Citibank I believe and paying them off.  We finally got her credit card after 6 months and now we can't pay it online. My mom was a little panicked when I got worked up about it. I didn't mean it to come across that way but I thought damn, I'm trying to help her.    I wish stuff like this was less complicated.  I don't want to spend my time on a 3 day weekend talking to another associate about their stupid credit card.   I confessed to my mom that I was worried about my blood test coming back with a high chance of recurrence.   As much a...

I just happened to be coming towards the escalator this morning when I was entering Whole Foods and I saw a woman at the foot of the escalator with two little girls, trying to get her stuff together and I heard her say to the little girl, Move out of the way, there's a man coming. I looked around and realized I was the man she was talking about.  WHAT?  The little girl looked confused and I just said quietly "I'm not a man."  I even mouthed it when I up the escalator. I realized that she might have been in a hurry but still.  I did get my hair cut a little shorter but I've had it shorter than that!  My bangs were hanging in my face from my sunglasses.  I may have had cancer but there's still two indications that might indicate that I'm not a male. I also recognize my weight gain makes me look stockier.  I have broad shoulders but when I gain weight it turns me into a football player.  Sigh.  I never had to wear shoulder pads because I already...

I seem to have a case of the scaries lately when I wake up in the middle of the night.  I don't know what's happening but it seems like the last couple of weeks, I feel overly anxious when I get up and just feel scared. I'm wondering if my blood test has freaked me out more than I realize.  It's not the worst thing to find out I might have a 18% chance of a cancer recurrence.  I know the thought of anything higher than 10% scares me.  I wish I had answers. I have resorted to sleeping with a night light now.  Precious loves it.  I feel silly that I need a lamp to help me cope.  I took something at 4 to help with anxiety.  I've managed to break up the pills I have in 4s now so it lasts longer and I don't need it to be so strong.  Makes me tired.  I need to function but not feel like I'm on high alert. In my detective work of viewing the diva's Tik Tok videos earlier this week, she noted she was going on another vacation in October.  W...

The window man came.  Oh, I suspect he had about 10 energy drinks before he showed up for the appointment.  Jeremy sent me a text and apologized for the window being late.  I told him it was ok and I meant it.  The Great Fava just would have had us waiting.  It was only an hour and they showed up to measure our windows. I had no idea what the window guy was talking about.  We were fine with our windows but we know it's draftier downstairs.  Jeremy kind of smiled at me as the guy rambled on about how we can protect our bathroom window.  I didn't know what he was talking about.  He was a live wire, that's for sure. We went along and did our errands for the day.  I watched a Netflix documentary about some mom catfishing her daughter.  What's wrong with people?  She blamed it on her child hood trauma.  I've had that too but I'm not sending gross messages to any family members. That was some seriously messed up messages.  ...

Yet here I am in a bad mood.  I think I needed to get out of the house this morning but this is the joy of a Saturday morning. I was going to go for a walk this morning and I slept in. My mom got up earlier than I anticipated and I mentioned the things people were saying on Threads about the fascist pig controlling things.  She told me to keep my voice down. See this is where the bad mood starts.  I love my mom.  I'm not always a fan of the Don't do this.  Don't do that thing that I get.  I wasn't talking loud and she does have a hearing problem.  I understood when the monster was living here, but I really doubt that Charlie and Jeremy can hear me talk about Fanta Fascist's health problems and if they did?  They would probably want to know more and have a party.  I can hear music going on down below.  People make noise.  It is life and we are not outrageous with the noise we make.  I appreciate my mom's thoughtfulness, but it d...

It was definitely earned.  What a mess of a month.  I'm so glad it's ending.  So happy the weather has gotten cooler. The day was quieter than I expected.  Almost.  The lurker didn't bother me but someone else was messaging me in the afternoon.  It was the one who made my eye twitch for a long time.  I seem to be working ok with the one who made my eye twitch. I still think it does a little bit but I think I'm doing better with that individual.  Knock on wood. I didn't turn the news on until later. I like seeing town halls where people yell at Republicans.  That makes me happy.  Hearing JD Vance suggest we should have the National Guard in our city?  That doesn't make me happy.  Stay out of Milwaukee and stay away from IKEA JD.  Freak.   I hope that the Epstein victims provide some interesting insight when they testify before Congress next week.  I'm so exhausted from all the nonsense that Fanta Fascist has ...

I had to remind myself last night, there's one more day.  It felt like Friday yesterday and maybe that's because plenty of people are taking time off.  Except me.  That's ok.  I'll have my time later next month. I dread signing in and seeing my emails because there will be one from the lurker and chances are?  It will make me mad.  I see the interference coming again.  For almost 2 years, I have struggled with my new assignment and I'm happy that I didn't have the interference I used to have with my previous assignment, but tired of the lack of help and the judgment I received from this individual.  I know the cruelty hasn't been limited to me but it doesn't feel great being one of the popular ones in this category.  I'm just when does this end?  It's depressing and it's hard that people are ignoring it.   I had Nicolle Wallace's show on for a bit and turned it off when it ended.  It's all I can take of that monster in cha...

 If the diva can take several dance breaks to work on their Tik Tok career, I do get at least one 15 minute break in the morning and 10 in the afternoon which I never take.   I felt sad watching the interview with Emma Hemming Willis this morning with Diane Sawyer.  I remembered seeing Bruce Willis on Moonlighting as a teen.  He was so cool and so funny.  I wasn't a big fan of the action movies but I did really like the Die Hard movies.  I think I liked the 3rd one the best with Samuel Jackson because it was funny and Sam used mother effer a lot.  I can dig that.  I loved his funny movies like Blind Date and The Whole Nine Yards.  I felt sad hearing about what's happening.  So glad to see she has the support she has.  Not everyone can be Demi Moore after a divorce.  Good for Demi and the girls being supportive of Emma.  They're lovely people. I felt horribly lonely watching it.  Getting support from others has be...

There's a word that starts with F and ends in off when I hear that.  More kids hurt and killed yesterday.  They were praying!  Go shove your thoughts and prayers!  And platitudes! Empty words are a huge thing with me.  People will say the nice things and do the pat pat on your back.  I'm here for you.  NO YOU'RE NOT!  QUIT LYING! Then they disappear when you need someone. I'm just not ok this morning.  I'm sick of people saying what they don't mean. It's all talk and it's the same thing every day.  Thoughts and prayers.  We're here for you. Nope.  Lies.  

 I may live to regret taking an afternoon off but I'll get over it.  Still kind of annoyed from the diva's antics from yesterday.  I told Corinne about it.  She dumped her Tik Tok app months ago when it looked like it was going to get shut down.  How disappointing it didn't.  I said I did too but I'll go on for a couple of days, get annoyed and then take it off my phone for the next two to three weeks.  I look for funny cat or kid videos and I wind up seeing the diva dance in her nightgown.  Makes me wishful for the YMCA dance.  Not really but you get the point. I hope the good humans have a good day.  I may need to throw bleach in my eyes after what I've witnessed the last few days.  

 That should be the diva's new nickname - Social Sally. I need an afternoon off from this insanity.  I can thank Social Sally for making me feel super salty when I signed off. I mentioned to her in my stupidity how I didn't like to be called out indirectly in a group chat.  Well she did that and mentioned if anyone saw this rush in a certain area.  It's my area and anyone can work on it but I felt like it was drawing attention to me. I said I didn't see it because I'm working on something else.  WHY DO YOU CARE?  I said I'll put it in my name and she answered "You're welcome."  I looked to see where I said a thank you.   This is one of those times where you want to punch something.  Did I thank for anything?  I should thank her for the acid reflux she gave me the last two days seeing her videos.   What kills me is that it's during work hours.  I looked and didn't see any tonight.  I see interacting with others an...

I thought of undoing my half day that I had scheduled and just work.  I think it's probably good I take a short break for the week since more people will be out towards the end.  Fine by me!  I think I'll be with the thinker and possibly the diva on Friday afternoon.  Fine by me.  I'm not doing any Tik Tok videos though. I was just finishing up my bath last night when my mom decided to tell me the latest crisis of calling to activate her Kohl's card.  She got it activated but because of her sight, she hit a wrong button and it came p with a message she didn't understand.  I kind of hurried myself up when I could hear her spewing frustration and when I came out, things had resolved.  For some reason, my legs are angry with me this morning because I didn't put enough lotion on them.  Thanks, eczema.  I wish I could find the damn salve I have.  Maybe after the first of the year, I can get an appointment and get my prescription refilled...

Despite my horror of discovering someone's Tik Tok, I had a better day. I got a call from someone thanking me for something I did on Friday. I didn't think it was anything. I helped someone and it turned out that the event got cancelled.  I stayed on the phone and tried to figure things out before I signed off.   Someone did recognize my effort and thanked me.  She talked to me about making things easier and making sure things like this didn't happen.  She also recognized I have a job where I don't get a lot of appreciation and she recognized my hard work. I thought was someone listening to me yell to the universe?  She is a kinder person I deal with and I thanked her.  She told me I was a sweet and kind person.  Usually those words get translated by others as doormat or idiot. Kind of nice to get seen.  It wasn't about Oh, hey let's give you a prize.  It's hey, here's some kind words and a little respect.  It was a lot of respect a...

If you're posting videos on Tik Tok with face filters and are over the age of 25, you might be a moron. I kept the app on my phone to see how often the diva was posting during work hours.  Today's effort was a Fleetwood Mac song.  People commenting on how pretty she looks.  Oh my god.  That's face filters.  She is a nice looking woman but she's all glammed on the Tikky Tok.   Damn.  Joe should have banned it.  Save our stupidity.   That explains when I would call and she wouldn't answer.  She was probably waving scarves around in her kitchen, pretending to be Stevie Nicks and singing Gypsy. We were not that dumb of a generation.  

It seemed like I felt this crummy last year.  What is it with August that I feel off center?  Is it because I'm a month away from time off?  I don't know. I wound up watching Below Deck yesterday to let my mind escape from life.  When in doubt, turn to a Bravo show. I am worried about a phone call I might get from my doctor or staff.  Maybe it's good news.  Maybe it's news that will keep me safe.  There's so much people don't realize when you get a bad health report.  You may recover physically but it's always in the back of your mind emotionally. I was reading some of the back and forth between Governor Wes Moore and well, you know, that guy.  I know he's going to go after Maryland next.  At least Wes Moore served in the military and didn't need a note for his bone spurs.  I read about Kilmer Abrego being sent to Uganda.  My mom said she never expected things to be this bad with immigration.  I did.  I was hoping my ...

I see these articles about how to tell if you're socially awkward - I already know!  Or if you're confident.  This one talked about signs that someone is lonely and over 65.  Well I'm under that age, but unfortunately I fit some of the signs to watch for.  Damn.  Got me on this article.  I made friends with people who did my nails or hair, thinking they cared about me.  No, they liked the 20 percent tip.  Or how you don't ask anyone to do anything because all you hear is no.  I would like to be the one asked. I wouldn't say no.   This paragraph struck me ~ If you recognize someone in these patterns - or yourself - remember that these are symptoms, not causes.  They're not choosing isolation; they're adapting to it.  And adaptation can be reversed.  It takes just one person to see past the walls, persist past the "I'm fine," make space for someone who's forgotten they deserve space.  Connection at any age isn't ab...

It seems like when I speak up or share a concern, I always wind up with a black eye.  It's not necessarily the person that receives my message.  It's the person that it's about that seeks some type of get even way of making sure I don't say anything again. I won't. The problem with what happened with Regina can affect me badly in six months when it comes time to discuss financial things.  Things that can help make my life easier.  It's one more blemish on a year that's been tough for me already.  It won't have dire consequences, it just won't help me get ahead.   It killed me that others have said these corrections have been used a trap for others to make them look bad.  I can do that by myself. I'm upset with many people. I think I have to view something about making your voice heard along with others.  I think why for me?  It hasn't helped.  Last year, I got shown things I put in my notes that humiliated me.  This year I get ...

I was sort of surprised at how empty the street was when I parked yesterday before I went on my walk.  Then I remembered people are on vacation but it's the last week before school starts.   I'm going to say something mean.  Oh, the last hurrah so all the phony jerks go on that last vacation to de-stress their lives.  Oh boo hoo. Sorry that's a biased thing of me to say.  Not everyone who goes on vacation this week is a jerk. I just knew too many of them who would take this time off and whine about their lives being full of stress.  I'm actually not even talking about Lois this time, believe it or not.   Door County seemed to be the popular place to go for people at this time of year.  It sounds like a place for assholes.  I know someone who lives there now and well, no I don't think she's that.  Out of touch maybe?  No, not that bad.  There was always bragging about going up there to relax and decompress.  There...

I saw that I had my tests results.  It came in an email.  It doesn't show the test results.  There was a message about the medical professionals needing to review it.  Ok.  Review.  Please.  Now, maybe? I don't know if I'm ready for an answer.  I don't know if I want to know.  Is it a bad sign that I got a message like that?  Would it be ok if I still got a message like that?  So many questions are running through my mind. I know.  I'm not a priority and part of me wants to forget I saw that message. I was thinking like two or three weeks.  Too soon.  Not ready, people. I am feeling so broke lately and one more test to add every year would really be soul crushing for me considering how I feel these days. I think it would be nice if I had that person that I could talk to today.  Maybe he would come over and talk to me.  Maybe I could go see him.   He might be someone who is an engineer or a teacher....

Last night, I walked to one of the Walgreens in my neighborhood.  I switched my route up even though I knew I wouldn't get the walking I do after I sign off for the night.   I thought there would be food trucks out by the Farmer's Market but there didn't seem to be.  I wasn't planning on going to any of them. I figured I would see them. Only another week before Labor Day. I know summer isn't over until late September but technically it feels like the days are winding down of heat and humidity.  It's my hope to be in much better shape next summer physically, financially.  I gave up on the emotional part.  Hey, I'm being realistic, alright? I know my struggle is real with the weight thing.  I just want it to be better.  This may take a decade to fix.  I'd be thrilled if I could wear my Kamala Harris t-shirt.  Not outdoors because Maga would punch me, but I usually wear those shirts on days where I can at least throw a sweatshirt over ...

 It just seems like everyone is off in moods.  At least I am.  I overslept yesterday but at least I don't have to get in a car and drive.  My sleep has been terrible because I've just been upset with some people and how they treat me.  It's nothing new, but the last few weeks have been tough to pretend it doesn't bother me.   I managed to make yesterday a productive day.  I was worried I was going to get talked to about one situation where I took over and somehow things got dropped.  It wasn't my fault.  Circumstances happened and when you're not supported by people, there's only so much I can do.  I figured I was going to get blamed and hopefully I don't.  I don't think I can take one more hit.  It isn't fair.  You can drown someone and then start nitpicking.  That's how I've felt the last few months, maybe all year.   Yesterday, something hit me and I looked at my chat with the Thinker from last week....

I find myself crying when I go for a walk out of frustration with people.  I don't ask for much.  Just stop walking all over me.  That seems to be a challenge. The diva seems to be missing in action the last couple of days but there's a bigger mystery and a bigger complaint involved.  I kind of wanted to cringe when complaints were mentioned because I suspect I was being glared at.  Why do I want to look at someone who has bullied me?  It's like hey Regina, thanks for making me cry. I give up.  When she was questioned about something she was doing it became a justification and a long explanation of what she was doing.  It's always an argument and with people like that, you walk away.  I don't think there's a danger of me touching anything she's involved with and the same with me.   I found out from the Thinker that the Diva was mad that she didn't get reimbursed gas money for a trip she made.  It wasn't a big trip but I thought...

I had a bad night for sleep. I felt funny about something I did but I felt I had to do it.  It seems small but I know sometimes small might turn into something big.   I don't think it will.  Social media is a weird place and people can take things the wrong way.  People spy and I don't like that.  Something simple can be taken the wrong way. I hated that I did this to this person but I don't know if it's a good thing if there's a connection between us.  I don't think they fully understand how bad my privacy got violated by one individual for a long time.   When it comes to my privacy, I will protect it any way I can in many situations and that includes social media.  I've warned people who are involved in messy situations with others to not advertise it because it can get pulled up as evidence.   I'll stick to cat memes and my private messages with Corinne.  I'm curious at times to look up a person and see if they have a F...

Have I said that lately?  I. DON'T. COUNT.  There.  I said it again.  Sometimes I need a reminder and I guess I got mine. I'm never saying anything again.  Yeah, let them steam roll me. Let them make me feel bad.   The hell of it is, I'm not doing anything wrong but I've been spied on and stepped on.  I've had them report my mistakes when news flash - I can tell you my mistakes!  Duh! I got a feeling a shades of Betsy thing happened.  Betsy was good at playing the sad mom who was overwhelmed all the time.  That card was played with me all the time. I don't mean to speak badly about anyone being overwhelmed as a working mom.  I don't think it should be used as a weapon against me to make me feel like the bad person.   It's always the same.  You're not a mom.  You don't know what it's like.  No, I don't.  Thanks to Regina, who makes more work for me half the time, she helped put a black mark on my re...

I didn't have any expectations of my day.  I was surprised by at least one moment. My time with the lurker was fine.  I never disliked the lurker. I am not their competition and I don't care if they want to be at the top of the heap.  It was actually quite pleasant. I think I wish I saw more of that individual.  I am ok with that person.   It was the next conversation and I just kind of felt defeated.  We were told not to write any more of these correction things for each other.  I argued that Regina was putting things out that were petty.   Regina has never offered help.  She has actually treated me as though she is the snippy teenager and I'm the dumb parent asking her to come home at a certain time.  I'm just stupid.  Everything I say is stupid.  Apparently she argued for this correction and she won. I accept mistakes.  I make them.  I resent this one.  I resent Regina.  I resent the person that...

Ok, Instagram is freaking me out.  I noticed that Harold was on my list of people I might know. I hadn't looked and laughed at his Facebook page for some time now.  How did the algorithm know that I used to hate view his stuff?  I don't get it.   Of course I clicked onto his page.  I'm a curious cat.  Mostly things that didn't make sense.  Like the music he played.  As a person that loved Motown growing up, I never got into the folk music that he had loved.  It didn't mean that we were incompatible.  It just means it's a relief I don't have to listen to that garbage anymore.  We were incompatible for many other reasons.  There was one video his wife took with their cat.  I was going to say it looks like he's missing his teeth from the meth he probably smoked in his 20s.  I realized that would be a shitty thing to say even if he was horrible with me.  I think someone that looked down their nose at me for a lo...

My day wasn't horrible.  I just don't want to talk about it at the moment. I have been watching The Biggest Loser documentary series on Netflix. I knew that show was garbage.  I got a couple of DVDs with the trainers from the show years ago thinking I would get into shape.  No.  I'm surprised I didn't wind up in the ER.  Bob seemed like a nice guy but there was a part of the DVD where they picked it up and I thought Oh, hell no.  After seeing the documentary I thought, what an ass. Jillian Michaels was and still is a sadist.  And she supports Trump?  I'd love to see her give him a workout.   I felt bad seeing the fat shaming that went on with the show.  I get the appeal.  People losing weight and turning their lives around.  It also messed up their lives.  I understood the fat shaming.   I was not in bad shape when I lost 30 plus pounds.  It took me some time to lose it but I did it over a 2 year period...

Yeah.  Back to the grind. I have a feeling I may get talked to about Regina.  I'll be surprised if I don't since I do have a scheduled monthly discussion tomorrow.  I would like to get it over with.  I'm very tired of the lurker and Regina.  I just want them to go find their own mean gang to join and leave the rest of us alone. You think when you leave high school that you're done with the meanness.  No, it pops up in other areas and it seems to follow me like a black cloud.  Buzz off mean girls.  I've had enough. So the old orange mango wants to steal the midterms?  Sigh.  I'm tired of that mean girl.  I'm happy that Zelensky brought some back up this time and I don't know where JD Vance was, but I'm glad that he wasn't around.  No red carpet for the leaders?  Say it ain't so.  I'm looking forward to September 3rd when Ro Khanna and Thomas Massie bring in the Epstein victims to testify before Congress.   I ...

Enough with the rain and the thunder clapping.  Not a fan. I found out that I'll have another bill coming from Premier Radiologists, I believe.  It's from something done in April for crying out loud. Now I'm getting a bill?  Great.  Another $91.  I've been waiting for the one that was $116 from Ascension to see if I can make payments along with the other bill that I've been making payments on. Fuck cancer and the medical bills.  I can say that.  It's a Monday.  Sigh.  It's exhausting to keep figuring out how to juggle.  I hate it. I was feeling sort of ok despite that information this morning. I got my walk in and made it up the hill without sweating all over the sidewalk.  I offered to drive my mom around Bay View to find some thrift stores.  She looked at Goodwill in our old neighborhood and actually found something at the one in our neighborhood. We did drive down KK Avenue.  What in the absolute hell is so appealing ab...

Glad I have off tomorrow but I'm not sure if I'm doing so hot trying not to feel angry about what happened last week.  I wish I was that person that can brush it off and not worry. Well I have kind of brushed it off for the most part but this afternoon was a little bad and I wrote some of my words down.  I know how I am when I get asked about what happened in these situations and why I'm upset.  My words just don't seem to word like they do.  I wrote down a few phrases and questions because I suspect that Tuesday will be my lucky day to get asked about the cherry bomb I dropped. You just don't get to kick someone when they're struggling and you ignore them.  If you don't help?  Great.  Go away then.  You don't get to start spying on me and then try to write me up.  I'm not playing that game. I got enough as it is.  I had to deal with a psycho living downstairs.  My mom is getting older.  I don't have family here.  I'm gett...

I got freaked out when I heard the thunder clap last night.  Thank god my mommy helped me put in a night light.  Yeah, I don't feel like I'm six years old at the moment.  Charlotte probably doesn't need a night light.  I do. I thought it would also help when I get up in the middle of the night when someone wants to be fed or if I have to use the bathroom.  I am prone to tripping over my own two feet so this light may have many uses other than me being a scaredy cat. Oh, did I sweat yesterday walking the hill. I was done after that.  I took my mom to a couple of thrift stores, one being Goodwill out on Highway 100.  I have taken her there before and I knew what she would say.  They don't have any.  There was one around the corner that we looked at.  Lots of Green Pay Packer stuff for football fans.  There wasn't anything there that appealed to mom.  We tried the Habitat for Humanity store where she got her stand but it was close...

I woke up at 2 in the morning and I felt scared.  Do I know why?  Noooo.  It just seemed so dark in my room and I was afraid to get up.  Luckily, I feel asleep again until 4.   It was Precious who got me to get out of bed and use the bathroom.  Feed her.  There's always a catch. I don't know why I have a case of the scaredy cats with the dark this morning.  I know years ago I had a horrible nightmare and felt crying when I woke up.  I laid in my bed and I could hear the door open and I saw the shadow of a cat on my wall.  Hello Precious.  Thanks for making me feel better you weirdo. I did stay awake for a little bit, thinking about my work week and getting pissed off.  I thought well, I need this time to not feel that way so I don't come across as pissed off person when I do get talked to next week.  It sucks when people do something that's bad and they can go about their lives like no big deal while you sit in a sea ...

I have been told that your writing is so good that you should write a book.  You should write a book!  Why don't you write a book?  Really.  Write a book!  You're wasting away because you write a book! Does anyone know what goes into having a writing career?  Does anyone know how difficult it is?  It isn't for lack of trying. I think I exhausted my resources that it left me dry and just done.  It wasn't a two month or two year odyssey.  It was about 20 years and it's safe to say that I tried.  Do I wish I could wish make a career out of writing?  Yes, I do.  To those who acted like it was so easy can just shut the you know what up.  It's not that easy. Safe to say I dealt with scammers and liars.  I did meet someone online back in maybe 2000 or 2001 online.  It was for pen pals.  AOL had a site to meet people but not in the same way Tinder was.  My goal wasn't to sell my writing.  It was maybe maki...

I got my hair cut finally. It hadn't been that long but it was definitely growing longer.  I had 2 inches taken off.  I don't care if it grows longer in winter but in summer, I'm not a fan.  I was happy with the student and well, she's graduating so she was a little bit quicker and more efficient.  She was definitely nice and happy with what she did.   I had to laugh at the guy trying to get facials for himself and his daughters.  He was getting ready for his daughter's quicenera?  I'm not sure how to spell that but he was kind of a diva holding up the line when I was done.  I wanted to tell the student, I can hand the paperwork to the front desk.  She seemed anxious and this guy is going on about he needs to get a facial before tomorrow.  I thought move it along, Jack.  This isn't the Real Housewives of Milwaukee.  I got places to go and a meter that's running.  His daughters both looked a little embarrassed by him....

I know, always a spoiler alert.  I'll sleep better tonight.  Thanks Regina for ruining my sleep.  Stupid mean girl. I didn't turn into the sullen cancer patient this morning.  Quiet maybe, but not ornery as I was feeling.  I could have sworn that I saw Jerry the dry cleaner drive past me as I walked through their parking garage.  I saw a flash of grey and looked.  Nice jeep.  Kind of an I'm not a jerk, but I do like an interesting vehicle kind of thing if that was him.  I appreciate that he didn't drive like an asshole like most people in parking garages.  I had blood work. It was explained to me that this would determine if I might be at risk for a recurrence in the 10 years.  Science is fascinating even if it sounds scary.  If I'm at risk, then I'll be back with CT scans.  If not, nice knowing you. What do I think will happen?  I don't know.  Kind of worried.  I wonder does the worry ever go away?  It...

 Back at the cancer center waiting for my yearly. No rush to get called. No rush for my day period I do think I had a Jerry the Dry Cleaner sighting. If it was him he had a nice jeep and didn’t drive like a jerk. Good for you Jerry 

I've been up since 4:30.  I couldn't sleep. I haven't been able to stop crying.  Initially I felt upset but more wired than teary eyed.  Well I'll be looking good for my appointment this morning with my puffy eyes.  Great.  Thanks, Regina. They broke me today or yesterday.  I am the one that gets bullied and when I fight back, they're the victims and I'm the mean one. I don't count on anything positive happening and if it means I get moved, then maybe that's for the best.  I thought that a year ago and I'm wondering if I should have followed through.  Something has to give and right now it's me. I would just like to end my day after my appointment. I know there will be a conversation when I sign back in and I don't feel like it. I feel like I'll start crying again.   The other day I signed into a group meeting with well, the group that I work with and they were happy to see me.  I tell myself I'm fine being on my own and the truth i...

So much for it being a productive day.  I didn't think this would happen.  I hate that it happened.  I hate what may happen next.  I don't regret saying something.  I had enough. Today's round of mean girls goes to Regina.  I never get any help from Regina and yet I suspect that there has been snooping on her part in her area when I've had to work on something this afternoon.  When I discovered it, I finally sent an email.  I addressed the issues. I addressed that I felt like I was being bullied in some respect and I let it be known.  I sent it before I signed off and yeah, I worry about what will be said and I think it will be ok.  I worry it won't be ok. I had enough.  I had enough of this and the lurker.  I kind of sense it's a retaliation situation.  Is it sad that the oncology appointment seems more appealing than my situation?  Sigh.  Well if I get asked why I'm fat I can say I work with people who make me ...