Winding up with a black eye

It seems like when I speak up or share a concern, I always wind up with a black eye.  It's not necessarily the person that receives my message.  It's the person that it's about that seeks some type of get even way of making sure I don't say anything again. I won't.

The problem with what happened with Regina can affect me badly in six months when it comes time to discuss financial things.  Things that can help make my life easier.  It's one more blemish on a year that's been tough for me already.  It won't have dire consequences, it just won't help me get ahead.  

It killed me that others have said these corrections have been used a trap for others to make them look bad.  I can do that by myself.

I'm upset with many people. I think I have to view something about making your voice heard along with others.  I think why for me?  It hasn't helped.  Last year, I got shown things I put in my notes that humiliated me.  This year I get another black checkmark that took my percentage down lower.

I'm not seeking perfection.  I am seeking to stay above the fray and work to improve my financial situation.

Today, I told my mom I think I'm done with writing postcards for the year.  It's because I can't or I'm upset about politics.  Well I sort of am, but aren't we all?  I don't have the budget for postcards.  Last year, I used a credit card to pay for stamps and well, they're all gone.  It's ok but every penny I have has to be rethought over.

It's ok that I can't do much more.  I took on too much and I didn't realize it until last night.  I had gotten another notification of a new bill.  I had another $200 added onto the $880 I was working on. I think I got it to around $500 something.  I don't know what my future holds for more medical expenses.  No way could I do an MRI.

So today, I do feel bitter and pissed off.  I am tired of people and their extravagant vacations and financially successful lives.  I am hating on all of that.  

I shouldn't hate on that.  I'm letting my bias get the better of me.  Be better not bitter. I know what's important.  

It's that damn corrections that got me.  People were saying it was a gotcha tool and well it got me.  I just give up.  I think of what Betsy did to me.  She ruined my record by lying.  I know at least now Regina can't do it anymore and the reason that was given was really not cutting it with me.  I'm not happy that this could affect me later on.  I don't feel like someone had my back in this situation. 

Meanwhile, I thought maybe if I downloaded Tik Tok today, I might find some funny videos to take my mind off my troubles.  I did see a medical professional talk about Mango Mussolini's condition and that made me happy.

I discovered the diva is on Tik Tok.  I like looking at videos of Gen X making fun of what we dealt with as kids.  Oh, no, this is not that type of account. I was like Are you kidding me?  All these filters and sexy looks lip syncing to songs from the 80s.  I loved Pat Benatar as a kid. I think I hate Pat Benatar after seeing the Diva lip sync one of her songs.  This explains why she's messing up.  Dancing around like a dipshit to Def Leppard.  I felt guilty for the longest time because I had the news on in the background before Fanta Fascist came into office.  At least I wasn't in a tank top with pink lipstick lip syncing to Hall & Oates.

People are such dumbasses on social media.

I think that might have taken me out of my funk a little bit.