Not that Person

I got another round at Kohl's tomorrow.  Why did Capital One take over their credit card? I was trying to help my mom pay her bill and her password wasn't working with the set up so I thought ok, I can reset her password and help her.  I can't even begin how complicated the whole process was and I told her we have to pay in person.  She is considering using these checks she got from Sears, well it's Citibank I believe and paying them off.  We finally got her credit card after 6 months and now we can't pay it online.

My mom was a little panicked when I got worked up about it. I didn't mean it to come across that way but I thought damn, I'm trying to help her.   

I wish stuff like this was less complicated.  I don't want to spend my time on a 3 day weekend talking to another associate about their stupid credit card.  

I confessed to my mom that I was worried about my blood test coming back with a high chance of recurrence.  

As much as I have bitched and bitched and bitched! about people and their vacations and their stress levels, I don't want to go on vacation.  Yeah, it would be nice to travel but I'm good not going anywhere on my time off.

I would like to spend my days off not worrying about medical bills and birthdays.  I would like to be able to start a year fresh and just have to deal with my normal medical, no surprises, maybe a rash that needs looking at or a sinus infection.  I fear that each year that I'm going to meet my $1200 deductible and any extra money I get?  It's going to go for medical.  I'd like to pay off my car sooner or my debt.

I'm not blaming any medical people when I talk about debt.  I had to say no to an MRI but a yearly CT scan?  Yeah, I guess I can do that.  I didn't realize how daunting this all felt until I got home.  

It's amazing what things would make me happy.  Today was a beautiful day for a walk despite my being called a man at Whole Foods.  Good grief.  My mom had a good laugh at that.  She asked me if the woman had a cataract.  I said she wasn't paying attention or my football player shoulders blinded her.  I don't know.  Thanks for the trauma, Whole Foods mom. I say that with self deprecation and maybe a little loathing.  Just a pinch though. 

We got our energy bill posted last night.  What do you know?  Our energy usage has gone done significantly and we're not in the hole.  The monster did something.  Somehow some way he did something.  Considering what we saw on the Ring camera, we know he's capable of doing a lot of dirty tricks.  Seeing the bill made me happy.

I went to California for a few years when I started my job.  I never really bragged about vacations because I knew not everyone could afford to go and well I really couldn't afford it either and that ended.

I know I had a lot of hardship over the years and as crazy as it sounds, it's ok that it happened.  It's not ok what people did, but those were life lessons.  My path is different and it's lonely and sad a lot of times, but I think at least I'm not a spoiled person who bitches and moans about everything little thing.  Ok, maybe on this blog but it's my space and I can do it.

Do I want things to be better?  Of course I do.  Do I want to start my own Tik Tok account and act like an asshole?  Nooooo.

I just want to be a better person everyday.  I fail many a days, but I keep trying.  I'm just glad I'm not that person.  

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