Gender Confusion

I just happened to be coming towards the escalator this morning when I was entering Whole Foods and I saw a woman at the foot of the escalator with two little girls, trying to get her stuff together and I heard her say to the little girl, Move out of the way, there's a man coming.

I looked around and realized I was the man she was talking about.  WHAT?  The little girl looked confused and I just said quietly "I'm not a man."  I even mouthed it when I up the escalator.

I realized that she might have been in a hurry but still.  I did get my hair cut a little shorter but I've had it shorter than that!  My bangs were hanging in my face from my sunglasses.  I may have had cancer but there's still two indications that might indicate that I'm not a male.

I also recognize my weight gain makes me look stockier.  I have broad shoulders but when I gain weight it turns me into a football player.  Sigh.  I never had to wear shoulder pads because I already had the big shoulders.  I don't think I got cankles.  I don't think.  I was wearing my Peace in Ukraine T shirt and random blue knit pants and sneakers so I wasn't wearing an evening gown.  I had my pretty green purse with me damn it!  I know I dermaplanned the night before and nicked my chin because I got a little overzealous.  

I got teased as a kid for being a tomboy and there are pictures of me with a baseball cap.  There I am, big ears, a Grease movie t shirt and my short hair cut.  I hate that picture.  

About 30 years ago, I think?  I was getting lunch at the Grand Avenue Mall and the girl behind the counter said your food will be up shortly sir.  I'm like what?  This was the 90s and chances are, I was wearing a dress or a skirt so that flabbergasted me.  At least the woman behind me said What's wrong with her?  Is she that stupid?  When I got my food, I said I'm not a sir.  She apologized and I was just pissed.

I don't know if it's my eyebrows or if it's my nose but it takes me back to the 8th grade and I'm like what am I doing wrong?  My mom just had a good laugh when I told her and asked her if the woman looked stupid.  She probably was in a hurry and I'm letting this get to me way too much.

I think I know how Kringle feels now.  His vet almost gave him a hysterectomy.  My mom still calls him a she.  

I watched a lot of America's Next Top Model when it was on and I'm ashamed to admit it but I did.  I know they talked a lot about models having features that may appear masculine and I think do I?  They didn't think of those things as bad or anything on the show.  They thought it may have made a model more marketable.  I'm so ashamed that I watched this show and am still admitting it.  

No, I don't think I should be a model either.  I'm not that diva. It makes me less offended.

I don't have much of an ego and I definitely didn't have get kicked in the ego on my bingo card today.

At least I got my steps in.  

It's all good.  It makes me appreciate being called Ma'am.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Way Past My Bedtime

 I crashed before Reverend Raphael Warnock's speech.  The power of DVR saved me. I watched it this morning right up to the point where I had to sign in.  It was fantastic.   Hillary was great.  My mom was crying.  It meant a lot to her to have Hillary win that election and she was crushed. I was crushed.  She always fan girls over Hillary.  It was hard for me to decide in 2008 do I go with Barack or Hillary?  She gave a phenomenal speech. I had to watch Joe this morning.  No, I didn't cry like I usually did.  I got a little teary eyed when his daughter finished her speech and introduced him.  That nice man made sure his little boys had a dad that came home every night after they lost their mom and baby sister.  He took his oath of office by their bedsides.  He got a second chance with Jill and having a daughter.  He's such a good human.  Yeah, he looks 81.  He lit that stage on fire with a torch....
Read more

The Dark Things

I sometimes wonder about this when I'm in a brooding mood about how I got treated at a low time in my life.  Or lowest. Would people have been relieved if I just died?   Really.  I have thought the answer was yes.  I'm not talking about my family. I am talking about those who made their discomfort known to me.   They could have had some fake ceremony and a moment of silence.  There wouldn't have been a funeral so they could have forgotten about that part.  They would have excelled at pretending to care about my life if I wasn't here. Then, I had to go do something stupid and survive.  How do we deal with that?  My mentor even mentioned to me, well, you know, none of us have dealt with someone being sick.  Oh, should I get a fucking manual for that?  Excuse the F bomb but that was warranted. When I got my schedule for radiation therapy, I had wanted to talk to my manager about it and find out if it was ok.  I had gotte...
Read more

So Here's the Weekend

 I was having a wishful thinking moment last night when I was writing my postcards.  I was wishing for my imaginary friend that has shades of Stephen Colbert mixed in to show up and go for a walk on this humid July night.  We would talk and maybe check out the food trucks that were at the Farmer's Market last night.  Maybe they would be ok.  Maybe they wouldn't.  We would be getting out of the house and just talking about how our week went for both of us. Maybe we would stop at Pick n' Save and get my mom something she asked for.  He would always know how to talk to my mom and he would be someone she's really comfortable around like Charlie.  We would maybe see Charlie mowing the lawn on his usual Friday night task and talk to him. He might have plans with his kids in the morning so we say our good night with a hug or maybe even something else.  No, I'm not going salacious here.  Get your mind out of the gutter.  Maybe we'd see each...
Read more