The Invisible Woman Chronicles

 I don't know if I would call this an impure thought.  It's a thought and I dislike when I drift off on those thoughts.   I had thought about my crush, Jerry the dry cleaner the other day.  I wished that Jerry didn't have a Mr. Jerry and I wished that I could spend time with him outside of his work environment. I get it.  Ethics, dry cleaner code.  I'm not talking about doing anything hot and heavy.  It's just this life I've had has been long and lonely and I have the feeling sometimes that he would be a really good friend.  A kind soul.   I can't always find another dry cleaner.  I don't come across too many good humans. Yeah.  I'm a slut pig for thinking that.  I'll go back to thinking about the mystery running man who ran past me two weekends in a row.  When he's coming back? Wishful thinking can really suck somedays.  

It's only Thursday but it's my Friday and I love it.  I'll have a little more time off in the next month and it's so badly needed.  I don't have wild plans.  I never do but I'm so happy to have the time.   I'll probably do the usual in the morning.  Go to the east side and walk my hill, enjoy the sun or whatever it's doing.  Maybe even get a Starbucks from the gift card I got from the stomper.  I got to take mom to the doctor and she's doing better "knock on wood" so I don't have a wild day off, but I plan on having a better day. I think I will have to take a look at maybe taking a half day off in August. I requested one day but I do have another stretch between late July to late August. I don't want to go mad like I have this last month so maybe a tiny afternoon break might help me.  I'll figure it out. I was hoping to see my niece and Charlotte this summer and that sucks they can't come.  I can make the best out of my summ...

I am so looking forward to having off on Friday and Monday.  I mean, mom going to the doctor always makes me nervous but I think she's doing ok.  I just need a break mentally. Yesterday didn't turn out as bad as I thought but I had a couple of incidents that just embarrassed me.  One wasn't so bad.  The person thought I didn't do something and in actuality, they weren't paying attention.  Sometimes in my daily life, I feel like I'm the scape goat for when something goes wrong when I know that's not the case but I accept it.  I think the person realized that and it kind of threw me off but eh, that wasn't so bad. The next thing was bad.  Someone got asked about how our group handles things and someone chimed in about something small.  It's important but in the grande scheme of things, this person made it out to be a lot bigger and I thought well we all know who handles that.  That would be me.  I admitted it and I got asked more questions...

 I got bad news yesterday.  The Thinker will be leaving in another week.  I congratulated her and got depressed. This was the only person I could kind of talk to at times.  I may not have always agreed but at least it was someone who was on the same wave length and had some work ethic. That's not the same for the rest.  I know I'll be the one paying for it.  The Thinker covered one of my old areas and it's a difficult area where I made a mistake and got a big write up for it.  The difference between the Thinker and myself is that I covered two areas.  They had to have someone else because they realized it was too much for me.  I have a feeling I'll lose my current area and get pulled back. I really wish people would keep my name out of their mouths.  The thinker even mentioned that I had covered that area hurt me. I was hoping that I would have been moved to one of our new areas for coverage and learning.  No.  I keep getting p...

My mom offered to buy me a pair of capri pants from Kohl's.  My usual stretch ones.  She asked if I would prefer shorts.  I would prefer to not feel awkward in shorts and I passed.  I do wear shorts in the summer but I kind of hope the weather doesn't get hot because I do feel the awkward fat kid in gym class when I wear them.   My goal for next summer?  It's not to fit in a certain size.  It's to be a size that makes me feel less awkward.  I would love to be able to wear a nice pair of cargo shorts and be able to wear the Obama t-shirt that's too small for me. I hated hearing the conversations at work about women talking about fitting into their bikini or swimsuit.  Crash diets or workouts with their trainer.  Lamenting about how having kids ruined their figure.  I was already ahead of that curve with my love of fast food. Damaged because you had kids?  How shallow.  I feel like I'm shallow because I feel damaged fro...

I'm not so much in my feels.  I'm back to the Sunday scaries.  The last few days just felt heavy on me. I have a 4 day weekend coming up Friday and I'm off on Monday.  I so badly need that.  I hate that last week where I had to take a little something for anxiety.  It pisses me off when people like the diva makes me take medication.   In a way, I'm wondering if this might prompt me to pick a doctor or new primary towards the end of the year if my anxiety gets too bad this year.  I'm going to change the first of next year but it's ok if I got to do it sooner.   I don't miss my oncologist because that means something bad.  However,  I miss her kindness and it isn't that anyone else I deal with is awful, quite the opposite but for a primary, I would like someone who will treat me with kindness and not like a joke.   I didn't think much of father's day.  Do I miss my dad?  Yeah. I do.  There was a lot of ba...