The Invisible Woman Chronicles

I think the dog next door has run away officially.  This really upsets me.  I haven't seen him for the last few days. I know.  Why didn't I knock on their door?  I've done it before and nobody would answer.  It didn't even look like anyone was at home when I came back from chasing him down the block.  He ran into a neighbor's yard across the street. This has been one of several incidents where we've caught the dog wandering around and we've had to coax him back in.  The gate is always open and he can get out.   About two years ago, they had a couple of other dogs get poisoned.  He was the last dog left and you would think that they wouldn't do something like leave the damn door open. I think they were negligent dog owners.  I'm mad at them and sad about their dog.  Shame on them. 

Ah, they strike again.  I actually took it rather calmly when I realized what was done. I had received notification that I had something rejected.  Not shocked.  It's a difficult website for filing. I think I was more shocked that the lurker didn't put charts and graphs to let me know how stupid I was. When I looked further, I saw that initially I wasn't contacted.  Someone else was notified about this and they questioned the lurker about it.   What was the intent?  It was to make me look bad.  I've seen it before.  The person who questioned her is familiar with me and who I am.  They know I make mistakes and they know I'll fix them.  They may not have known I was the one who would fix it, but still.  They questioned why she was doing this.  The lurker then became the innocent victim. This was what I had for a long time when she entered my life.  It was a lot of behind the scenes reaching out to people privately about...

I am waiting on my state and federal refunds.  It would so greatly help. I had a bonus but it wasn't as good as last year and well, when you got to get contact lenses, pay off a broken blood vessel incident and other trivial things, it doesn't last long. The state is at last showing it's processing and it's been processing for 3 weeks.  Sigh.  I don't get anything when I check on federal.  I know.  I should file online. I figured I was too stupid to do that.  I know.  Shame on me for that comment.  I figured go with what works and I did put down my direct deposit information.  It's awesome when you get that text alert that money has been deposited.  I read because of the partial shutdown, it's slowing things down more.  Great. I know my raise will be in effect with this paycheck and that will definitely help.  It would really be nice to have the other two things come my way.  Right now, I would be ecstatic if I had my stat...

 I actually showed up for my eye exam and forgot to put my contact lenses in.  What in the fresh hell is wrong with me? I normally don't put my contact lenses in right away when I get up and work. I can see.  I got a screen up close and I may pop them in around 9 or 10.  Give my eyes a break.  Noooo, not today.  Yeah, I can drive fine without them but I wondered when I put my sunglasses on why did it feel like a blur?  That's why?  Good gawd.  No no no.  I need help I swear.  Did you notice that I didn't call myself an idiot?  Yeah, I'm thinking it but I'm trying to be kinder to myself in moments like this. The tech or the helper had a good laugh when I admitted what I did.  She said I don't mean to laugh at you.  Nah, this is one time it's really ok.  I wasn't mad.  I thought it was funny.  Kind of how could I be so you know what?  Overwhelmed.  Tired.  Very tired.  It was all good....

I thought about my rant last night about my name.  I know there's teasing in a good natured way and then there's just being mean. I don't think yesterday was meant to be mean but it hurt a nerve.  The history of the teasing has gone a lot deeper.   I've taken a lot of insults over the years and when I did say something, it was Oh, you're being sensitive.  I hate how the word "sensitive" gets used in that context because it causes someone to be silent when they should speak up.  I've mentioned things that have been said to me over the years at work or by friends and I've had gasps from those who heard it and got asked, Why didn't you say anything?  I was told I was too sensitive. There was someone that would talk dirty to all the assistants at my first job.  He was a pig.  I was told not to take him seriously and I tried to ignore it.  I almost wanted to report it and I told someone what was being said. They said no, don't say anything....

Today I got a message that a package was being sent to me from a vendor.  It was someone I've dealt with at our corporate office.  Always seemed nice to me.  I caught something in her message. She knows my name but she called me Constance and in the context it sounded like I was being made fun of for the package being in that name. Grow up.  Really.  Even at my age, I'm still dealing with people snickering over what my name is?  How childish and another reminder of why I don't miss this in person stuff.  I honestly hate the stupidity of people using my name to being funny especially when your name is Randy.  Or Dick.   It kind of crushed me when Sosie and Lorna teased me for my name.  I tried to shake it off but when they would say it, it was just stupid.  It really was.  I put up with that in grade school and now today, I got grown ass women making fun of my name.  It so disappointed me when Sosie did that. ...