The Invisible Woman Chronicles

 In the movie, The Sure Thing, Lloyd Dobler was looking for his dare to be great moment and that was asking out Diane Court.  My dare to be great moment was traveling to San Diego to meet the potential love of my life. There is a difference between movie and real life of course.  I'm not here to go on about dumb Harold.  It's been established what a massive asshole he turned out to be.  It was the moment for me to do something different and do something not a lot of people would do at the time.   I know I've mentioned this before, but before this whole meeting someone online happened, I was at a crossroads about my life.  I was 33 years old and 34 was peeking around the corner.  It felt like I had a window of time and people were writing me off as it was.  Oh, yeah, must feel good to be free of kids.  It's probably nice for you to be alone and without a husband.  Maybe you can join a craft club to meet other women like you....

 This week's theme?  Don't speak for me.  Keep my name out of your mouth. Ok.  If you are sticking up for me and I know your heart is in the right place?  Thank you for looking out for me.   The situations I encountered this week were not altruistic efforts.  It was another case of performance art.   First it was the vaper who asked me if anyone helps me with my area.  Honestly I wanted to say how much pot are you smoking during the day?  You know that answer.  Thanks for putting the spotlight on me.  She offered her help and she still has a task she took from me unfinished.  I'm not helping her.  She offered in front of others.  Deal with it.  The era of grace and making excuses with the vaper is done. It gets worse.  Our new person, the one who took over for the stomper threw out some ideas to make things more even for everyone and the diva chimed in. She said I'm just worried about me....

I got a little upset yesterday.  It hit a nerve. The Thinker had told me that I could ask her a question on something I was working on and I did.  I just fired off a question and went about my day.  I got a response, Hey, you know I start at this time and it went on that she was trying to get her day started. When I send a message with a question, I never expect an immediate response.  I move onto the next problem because I know people are busy.  I realize that we all have bad moments and that she thought that I was expecting an immediate response and I explained I wasn't. I was working on something else.  I know there are others who are impatient like the diva or Regina.  I'm not one of them and many times people will do the same when I sign in.  It might be something from over night and I respond when I can.   It made me tearful.  It wasn't her.  It just felt insulting like I have nothing better to do than wait for people to ...

I felt like my whole central nervous system was on fire from anxiety the other day. I wasn't sure what to think after our first day in our new situation. I wasn't sure if I was being blamed for something and I wasn't.  It's everyone's fault. I wasn't longing for the past after Monday, I was longing for peace. I think after yesterday, I should be ok. The diva on the other hand is a whole other story.  I knew this would happen. She needed help and normally I'd let Regina or someone else help because why?  She doesn't want my help.  Since they weren't and I didn't want to leave the impression my jerk, I tried to help as well as our new world person.  I even offered to call the diva and I knew what the response would be.  Ignore me.  I threw out a couple of people's names she could contact.  I guess she would up calling the stomper who helped over what I thought was something simple.  In our daily check in, she was waving her hands and being emot...

 I woke up sometime after 4 and couldn't go back to sleep.  I was feeling a little nervous about what my day will bring me but not stressed like I had been the last month and a half. I really hope this is a better change and I think it will.  I think the stomper will get the group she really deserves. I hope the good humans have a good day. I have to call my insurance company and tell them I didn't order a urinary catheter for crying out loud.  Nobody ever got back to me.  Such a mess.  I have a feeling I might have a bigger mess to clean up.  Thanks scummy people.  

 I miss Stephen Colbert this last week.  I love Jimmy Kimmel.  Don't get me wrong but Stephen seemed to have more interesting people come on his show than Tim Allen.  Happy to see he had Tom Hanks on his show though.   I have been catching up on the Summer House drama.  I'm almost to Season 9 plus I have kept up on this year's reunions. I know these shows are crap but they're like my All My Children and General Hospital shows.  They're my stories.  They keep me from crying from real life. I know there's a lot of graduating going on this past week for school.  Kind of feels like I graduated from the school of humiliation.  I really felt like I had an out of body experience in our last meeting.  I don't know what was wrong with me with my responses or how I appeared on camera.  I didn't know how to hide my emotions that I can't fake things.  I knew the Stomper knew something was up and tried to ask what was wrong. ...