The Invisible Woman Chronicles

Today wasn't good.  I felt the black cloud over my head and it's lingering.  There has been some switching of assignments and the area I used to deal with is now getting passed over to Regina.  Lucky for the Thinker, she's the one that's getting to spend the quality time. I was a little surprised when Regina needed help.  I was a little curious when there wasn't a response. I didn't have the time and I sometimes wonder if she would want my help with the way she acts at times. Little by little people responded that they had other things to do or that they would try to find the time. Does that hurt my feelings that I didn't get the same response?  Yeah.  It did.  It's like a great reminder that I'm invisible.  I'm asking the universe to send me a sign that someone sees me.  No, I wouldn't expect my group to see me.  If they do it's for something bad.  I want to be seen for a good reason and appreciated. Send me a sign universe. ...

 I was hoping for a moment that maybe it wouldn't happen but it did.  The lurker has returned.  On a limited basis.  I don't want to know why. I don't care why.  I'm just tired of the lurker and the phoniness that ensued when they returned yesterday.   And yet I'm perceived as the too sensitive one because of how I've been treated by the lurker and others.  So it's ok to repeatedly get slapped by others and not let it have it affect you?  I am so tired of that narrative.  I know I've been caught twice being tearful but being human is not a crime.  Being a bully is something that should be taken care of and I'm so tired of the loopholes and the little catches on not addressing that issue.  I think that's where the weakness lies.  Not with me.  I'm the one that has to deal with it.  Others choose to ignore it and think it's ok. We got another Friday the 13th.  Eh, what's the difference.  Ever since that g...

There's a reason I keep to myself and why I get labeled quiet.  I've taken too many stab wounds to the back and I don't think my dermatologist has a prescription for that. Ugh.  I try to look at the group chat when I'm off to see if I missed any information and most times, I wind up feeling mad. It's the diva.  She seems to be taking the lurker's spot.  She had asked about information on something I shared with her when she started.  People forget.  I know I do.  Regina sent over the same instructions I sent her when she first started.  Ok.  We all forget.   It was the compliment that the diva sent back that made me see red.  She proclaimed that Regina was the best and that she rocked. No, I don't want to be told I'm the best or that I rock.  I thought I gave you that information twice when you first started and you didn't listen to a word I said. Then you complained about how you were trained. I spent so much time with th...

I am getting a little mad at my group.  I'll take them over the one I had previously but still.  I'm tired of the childish comments, lack of help and microagressions.  That's just the diva! I think it was me being off yesterday afternoon that set me off when the diva commented about it.  It's a half day.  Not a week.  I am tired of hearing the word lucky.  No, I'm not lucky.  Far from it. The next couple of weeks won't be great for me so maybe that's setting me off.  I am worried about my test next week. I don't want to have to come back for ultrasounds or biopsies.  It's like please give me a year off and I know I have cysts because I can feel it.  Sigh. That's not the sad part.  I couldn't remember if I had a dentist appointment this Friday or next and when I called, I found out it's next Friday.  Ok.  No problem.  Then I asked if my dentist will be back and she said no.  That still upsets me. He was on me...

It should come to no surprise that I sucked at gym class.  I wasn't good at sports at all and I was so so with a lot of gym activities we had to do.  Nope, never got far climbing up a rope.  I think I got mid way and was over it.  I hated gymnastics. I could do a half ass cartwheel and that's about it.  I almost fell over some balancing beam because my spotter wasn't watching me very well.  Thanks, Sherry, you jerk.   When it came to sports, it was a nightmare for me being on teams.  Yes, I was one of the last ones picked.  It wasn't always but I was on the low end of the totem pole.  One summer, I decided that I would join a kick ball club with my sister.  She was good at it. I wasn't but I liked it.  I thought I would do well. I didn't. There was one girl who was in my grade who was so obnoxious about sports.  Wendy Fraa.  We made fun of her last name.  Why should I be the only one who gets mocked for my l...

I played hooky today. I requested to leave at noon and I did personal errands. I needed to get out of the house and just get away from everything. I am overloaded and I am tired of being overloaded.  I had a package to send to Corinne for her birthday and I got it out this afternoon. I thought I had mailing envelopes that would fit but I didn't.  I had to throw everything in a bag and find a mailing envelope on the way to the post office this afternoon.  There is probably one around here but I can't find it.  That's how messed up things are. Once a month, we get asked to sit in on a meeting with the attorneys and paralegals and most of it us about them.  It's not a bad thing.  We do get asked if we have anything to add, this is the part that makes me angry.  Every time Regina interrupts me and talks over me.  Why bother?  The Thinker is supposed to be in the meeting but she has skipped the last two meetings and was rather blase about it....