The Invisible Woman Chronicles

Today is my Monday and no, not looking forward to it.  Hopefully there's no lurker incidents to report.  Give me a few days with it, lurker, please?  Sigh.  I think the Thinker is off so it'll be a quiet day for me not to share my annoyances.  It's ok.  The cat will talk to me.   What a weird day it was yesterday.  My mom laughed when I told her that it was mentioned it's been 11 years since I had prostate cancer. I know people misspeak.  I felt kind of stupid but I didn't take offense.  Someone else might have reported it, but I misspeak too.  It felt weird having it asked like that in front of a student, but I thought eh, we're all human.  I thought maybe this is a sign for change.  I don't know.  For the time being it was a good fit.  With me not having an oncologist, I might need a female voice moving forward when it comes to health issues.  I have one male doctor who's freaking awesome.  It's ...

Someone said to me this morning, you know change can be hard.  After this morning, I may make a change in the next year and it may not be so hard.  It may be very warranted. It wasn't that bad.  I felt like something was out of sync.  I felt like some comments maybe didn't sit well with me.  I wasn't fat shamed.  I felt like there was a disconnect when it came to the money issue.  I felt like something was off.  I'm not mad, not at all but kind of not ok.  When I walked out, I thought maybe it is time for a change.     I had also mentioned the accident that happened almost 2 years ago.  I was thinking it should be on record in the event that this doesn't help my anxiety.  I didn't seek medical treatment at the time and I thought it should be mentioned.  I had only mentioned it to my oncologist. I felt like it got blown up and turned into something it really shouldn't be.  I took the information and said ok....

 Have you ever been around that person that always knew how to make you feel small but with a small on their face?  I'm afraid that's what I'm facing shortly and I feel kind of tearful about it. It hasn't always been that way but lately I have been getting these comments that have raised an eyebrow and made me wonder, What was meant by that?   Yeah.  The weight thing comes to mind and my health.  I have been sitting here teary eyed and feeling ashamed about my appointment tomorrow. I didn't eat much, really haven't the last couple of weeks. I will get a kind reminder even if in my head it sounds like the worse thing possible.  It's because I have people rooting against me and I can hear the cheers in my head when I have a setback. Stupid people.  I should charge them an exorbitant amount of money for the rent that they're using in my head.  I'd have my bills paid off and live in a better neighborhood. I just don't look forward to tomorrow and...

It's easy for me to say walk away from a situation.  Sometimes you're stuck.  There's a lot of toxic people in our lives that drag us down and you want to run for the hills but you can't.  It may involve changing jobs and sometimes you walk into a job that has more toxic people.  Sometimes you leave a relationship and find someone even more crazier than the one you left.  It's not easy.  It feels liberating when you can be free of a situation but getting out of it or leaving it?  Not so easy.  It took covid for me to be free of people who were spoiled, petty and rude.  It doesn't mean my daily life doesn't have a bit of that. I did speak about the lurker and their involvement. I felt frustrated at times when I listened to some reasoning as to why things were done the way they were but I got asked my thoughts as to how I see the situation.  I said there's a history.  There's a pattern and after the last 2 weeks, all I want to say to ...

Yeah, one person has me out of sorts today.  I'm taking on more emotional energy than I need to do in this situation.  Ever been around someone that throws you off balance?  Yeah.  This person does it. I won't even go by their nickname because I think anyone that has read past posts would see who this person is.  Well they hide behind a screen anyway so let's give them the shield they want around them. Somehow I feel the situation will go back on me and I hate that.  It's because this ghost that hides and does things will manipulate the situation.  The ghost did send me something back and I replied with a receipt asking why did this happen?  What do I do?  I didn't make accusations.  I asked for clarity. I asked for someone to help me understand or give me direction. I hope what I said didn't come across as petty or angry.  I'm not petty, but I am angry.   I'm angry that I can't go about my day in peace.  If I leave y...

I was without the internet all morning yesterday.  Can't say it was the worst thing in the world but when you already were out 2 days, you know things are going to pile up. They did.  I think another person is mad at me for being behind.  Add more to the list.  Sigh. I ended my day when I realized that the lurker was involved in another incident on something I worked on. I thought maybe this file had closed out but I had gotten asked a question in an email and when I looked, I saw that I had something open but it got abandoned and there were kind of mean notes put in there.  The lurker was working on rescheduling something. I forward it to the individual. I don't think I can take much more of the deception.  It may mean a move for me in the future but how long does it take before something breaks you?  I'm tired of the excuses being made for this individual. I'm overloaded.    If you have someone in your life like this and you can walk away, ...