The Invisible Woman Chronicles

I don't feel like I was at my best when company was here.  I felt off and I hate that. I cried last night feeling guilty about it when I went to bed.  I just felt overwhelmed.  What's new?  I know. I'm still dealing with a new cat.  She has been tied up in my room for the last week.  She will be sweet and affectionate and this morning, I reached over to pet her and she was going to bite my hand. I pulled it away and walked out of the room.  I'm not doing that.  I think is she going to be like this?  I'm going to work damn hard she's not if we get company in the future.   Or if anyone wants to stay with us. This part could be considered kind of humorous.  Kind of Oh no.  Definitely embarrassing for me.  I had some stomach issues yesterday morning.  Guessing maybe anxiety so I had to use the bathroom more.  When my nephew was cleaning up, I couldn't take it so I told my mom I had to leave to find a bathroom....

 I never would have done well if I married someone that expected me to entertain friends and family.  That's not me.  Can I be entertaining as a person?  Why, yes, I can be.  Can I make prepare meals, get rooms ready for people to stay over?  Noooooo.   I've spent my week herding cats.  I was afraid Honey Bear wasn't going to want to have anything to do with Kringle.  She hid under my mom's bed the first night and came out in the middle of the night. I thought she was doing well when she came rushing into my room only to find a ball of fluff chasing after her.  She went under my bed.  Oh well.  We tried. She has been exiled to my room.  Can't say I enjoy a litter box in my room but I'm glad she's using it.  I've had to herd poor Kringle out of there when he tried to eat her food.  She's getting bolder.  She chased him out this morning without slapping him.  I let him eat her dry food while she slep...

Glad the week is ending.  I will have company by the end of the week. I hope Honey Bear does well with Kringle and Daisy.  Especially Kringle. I hope she doesn't have a set back.  She seems to be getting more comfortable each day.  Her and Kringle are the same age so hoping they might play together instead of her hiding under mine or my mom's bed. I was going through some old pictures of Precious.  I watched a video of her kneading and purring next to me.  I sound like a sap don't I?  Well this one is still hitting me hard.  You know, people don't get someone's journey like mine.  It seems like there's a lot of "Not for me" when it comes to getting something.  It just seems like a lot of things don't happen.  It was my hope growing up that I'd have my own family.  Then I thought maybe I'd find a good partner even if kids weren't possible.  Then I found what I thought was my family really wasn't when it came to work.  ...

I heard from my sister last night.  Her brother in-law is back in the hospital and I don't think he has much time left.  He's been having his own cancer battle for the last six years and well, fuck cancer.  That's all I got.  I'm so sorry for him. His wife on the other hand is causing problems with his last wishes.  He would like to go to hospice.  She would like him home. I'll take Option A over her.  She's prepared to do battle.  They told her it was his wish.  She doesn't think he can make decisions.  I don't care how drugged up he is.  I think he means it.  I would mean it.  Let me be in peace damn it.   I have no problem saying yeah, I'm lonely.  I'm also aware that you can even be lonelier in a relationship and I was.  Do I ever think the few relationships I had would have lasted my cancer diagnosis?  No. I don't think the few I dated would have cared or would have made it about them.  I...

I kind of figured the diva would try to take over today's meeting.  Not too bad for her.  This drives me nuts with someone like her.  They have no problem putting others down or making a smart comment but this I'm so frail and nervous act really gets my goat.  Just stop it. We had a small glitch in our system and someone had come up with a solution to work around.  Most of it did it.  The diva did not and expected myself or someone else to help her.  Oh, lucky me. Now I'm important.  I nodded my head and I was very thankful when the vaper figured it out and offered to call her.  Good.  I have better things to do than to get insulted. There's a meet once a month that the diva is involved in.  It's her idea really.  No, it's not a bad idea.  It's actually a really good idea and she had started it with the bragger.  When they presented it, there was a note about them bringing in other people who were experienced to help ...

 For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why the extra money I gave to Macy's wasn't showing up.  Since my balance was getting lower and could see the light of being paid off, I tried working on making extra payments.  I am close.  I thought I'd have it paid off this month but I thought where is the $50 payment I made a couple of weeks ago?  It got applied to a different card.  Sigh.  It's ok.  I'll try it again later this month.  I know I put a note where to apply it, but mistakes happen and it's not a tragic one.  If anything I'll have it paid off before year's end.  I wish I could say the same about all of them. I got a flyer in the mail about my benefits enrollment.  I signed in to look and see what plan I had last night.  I wasn't sure.  I think I'll just get an increase in what they deduct.  What's new?  I was worried my deductible was going up.  I think my dental is going up as well too.  ...