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Keeping to Myself

There's a reason I keep to myself and why I get labeled quiet.  I've taken too many stab wounds to the back and I don't think my dermatologist has a prescription for that. Ugh.  I try to look at the group chat when I'm off to see if I missed any information and most times, I wind up feeling mad. It's the diva.  She seems to be taking the lurker's spot.  She had asked about information on something I shared with her when she started.  People forget.  I know I do.  Regina sent over the same instructions I sent her when she first started.  Ok.  We all forget.   It was the compliment that the diva sent back that made me see red.  She proclaimed that Regina was the best and that she rocked. No, I don't want to be told I'm the best or that I rock.  I thought I gave you that information twice when you first started and you didn't listen to a word I said. Then you complained about how you were trained. I spent so much time with th...
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Doing a Slow Burn

I am getting a little mad at my group.  I'll take them over the one I had previously but still.  I'm tired of the childish comments, lack of help and microagressions.  That's just the diva! I think it was me being off yesterday afternoon that set me off when the diva commented about it.  It's a half day.  Not a week.  I am tired of hearing the word lucky.  No, I'm not lucky.  Far from it. The next couple of weeks won't be great for me so maybe that's setting me off.  I am worried about my test next week. I don't want to have to come back for ultrasounds or biopsies.  It's like please give me a year off and I know I have cysts because I can feel it.  Sigh. That's not the sad part.  I couldn't remember if I had a dentist appointment this Friday or next and when I called, I found out it's next Friday.  Ok.  No problem.  Then I asked if my dentist will be back and she said no.  That still upsets me. He was on me...
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The Non Competitive One

It should come to no surprise that I sucked at gym class.  I wasn't good at sports at all and I was so so with a lot of gym activities we had to do.  Nope, never got far climbing up a rope.  I think I got mid way and was over it.  I hated gymnastics. I could do a half ass cartwheel and that's about it.  I almost fell over some balancing beam because my spotter wasn't watching me very well.  Thanks, Sherry, you jerk.   When it came to sports, it was a nightmare for me being on teams.  Yes, I was one of the last ones picked.  It wasn't always but I was on the low end of the totem pole.  One summer, I decided that I would join a kick ball club with my sister.  She was good at it. I wasn't but I liked it.  I thought I would do well. I didn't. There was one girl who was in my grade who was so obnoxious about sports.  Wendy Fraa.  We made fun of her last name.  Why should I be the only one who gets mocked for my l...
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Ferris Bueller's Half Day

I played hooky today. I requested to leave at noon and I did personal errands. I needed to get out of the house and just get away from everything. I am overloaded and I am tired of being overloaded.  I had a package to send to Corinne for her birthday and I got it out this afternoon. I thought I had mailing envelopes that would fit but I didn't.  I had to throw everything in a bag and find a mailing envelope on the way to the post office this afternoon.  There is probably one around here but I can't find it.  That's how messed up things are. Once a month, we get asked to sit in on a meeting with the attorneys and paralegals and most of it us about them.  It's not a bad thing.  We do get asked if we have anything to add, this is the part that makes me angry.  Every time Regina interrupts me and talks over me.  Why bother?  The Thinker is supposed to be in the meeting but she has skipped the last two meetings and was rather blase about it....
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I Don't Know Her

I was thinking about my step mother the other day.  She had passed a few years ago.  My sister had reconnected with her some time ago and my half sister.  I didn't.  My step mother did try to reach out to me through Facebook a few years before she passed.  I never responded. No, I don't feel guilty.  I am sorry that she passed.  I just didn't have any interest in forming a new relationship or reconnecting.  I was and am still good. She wasn't a horrible person by any means.  I felt like she tolerated me growing up.  She did her duty.  That's what a step mom does.  I probably spent more time with her than my dad when I went to go see them on a weekend and I didn't have bad times with her.  She could be a lot of fun.  My dad worked third shift so he seemed to sleep a lot when we were there.  Go figure.  Not complaining just a fact.  We hung out with my step-mom and her two daughters with her first husband...
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Happy Daylight Savings *()*^&)_!

It's a mixed feeling when this time comes.  Happy for the extra hour of light.  Not happy to change the clocks or lose an hour of sleep.  It is what it is. I went to bed early last night. I was not feeling so great.  Next week is a crucial week for me because it's that time of year that I get a test that I flunked once and yeah, we all know how that story turned out.  I know I took the test that determined if I would get cancer again and it came out in my favor.  Doesn't mean I don't worry.  I can feel the cysts.  I know they're there and I don't know if there will be more tests involved which sucks. I also think they're covered by my insurance now.  At least that's how I understand it.  I just don't want to have to get called for anymore tests after next week.  I just want to go back to just having the occasional skin irritation, or eye irritation or allergy situation. That's what life was like before this happened.  I know it...
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That's a Wrap

Take a deep breath.  The work week is done.  I felt a sense of annoyance when I signed off. No sign of the lurker.  I got a feeling we got another 2 weeks before we hear what's what on that subject.  Meanwhile the other members of the group?  Ugh.  I got asked to assist the Thinker the last few minutes of my day.  I did pick up a few things and I was aware of her situation because she kept putting it out there in our chat.  Someone flat out said I'm not comfortable with that.  I thought that's bold and really insulting.  Not surprised.  They wondered why I broke down in tears at the end of the year.  I thought the majority of you don't help me.  The majority of you stress me out because you don't help and I don't feel supported.  Most of you just let me down.  Every day.  It's ok if I help you or take on the challenges but I don't get the same energy back.  . Then there's the diva.  Wants to tell e...
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