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Have you ever

 Have you ever been around that person that always knew how to make you feel small but with a small on their face?  I'm afraid that's what I'm facing shortly and I feel kind of tearful about it. It hasn't always been that way but lately I have been getting these comments that have raised an eyebrow and made me wonder, What was meant by that?   Yeah.  The weight thing comes to mind and my health.  I have been sitting here teary eyed and feeling ashamed about my appointment tomorrow. I didn't eat much, really haven't the last couple of weeks. I will get a kind reminder even if in my head it sounds like the worse thing possible.  It's because I have people rooting against me and I can hear the cheers in my head when I have a setback. Stupid people.  I should charge them an exorbitant amount of money for the rent that they're using in my head.  I'd have my bills paid off and live in a better neighborhood. I just don't look forward to tomorrow and...
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Breaking Up

It's easy for me to say walk away from a situation.  Sometimes you're stuck.  There's a lot of toxic people in our lives that drag us down and you want to run for the hills but you can't.  It may involve changing jobs and sometimes you walk into a job that has more toxic people.  Sometimes you leave a relationship and find someone even more crazier than the one you left.  It's not easy.  It feels liberating when you can be free of a situation but getting out of it or leaving it?  Not so easy.  It took covid for me to be free of people who were spoiled, petty and rude.  It doesn't mean my daily life doesn't have a bit of that. I did speak about the lurker and their involvement. I felt frustrated at times when I listened to some reasoning as to why things were done the way they were but I got asked my thoughts as to how I see the situation.  I said there's a history.  There's a pattern and after the last 2 weeks, all I want to say to ...
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Out of Sorts

Yeah, one person has me out of sorts today.  I'm taking on more emotional energy than I need to do in this situation.  Ever been around someone that throws you off balance?  Yeah.  This person does it. I won't even go by their nickname because I think anyone that has read past posts would see who this person is.  Well they hide behind a screen anyway so let's give them the shield they want around them. Somehow I feel the situation will go back on me and I hate that.  It's because this ghost that hides and does things will manipulate the situation.  The ghost did send me something back and I replied with a receipt asking why did this happen?  What do I do?  I didn't make accusations.  I asked for clarity. I asked for someone to help me understand or give me direction. I hope what I said didn't come across as petty or angry.  I'm not petty, but I am angry.   I'm angry that I can't go about my day in peace.  If I leave y...
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Overload

I was without the internet all morning yesterday.  Can't say it was the worst thing in the world but when you already were out 2 days, you know things are going to pile up. They did.  I think another person is mad at me for being behind.  Add more to the list.  Sigh. I ended my day when I realized that the lurker was involved in another incident on something I worked on. I thought maybe this file had closed out but I had gotten asked a question in an email and when I looked, I saw that I had something open but it got abandoned and there were kind of mean notes put in there.  The lurker was working on rescheduling something. I forward it to the individual. I don't think I can take much more of the deception.  It may mean a move for me in the future but how long does it take before something breaks you?  I'm tired of the excuses being made for this individual. I'm overloaded.    If you have someone in your life like this and you can walk away, ...
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Searching on Superior

 I found a new route for walking.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do this morning.  I did want to get more postcard stamps and I didn't want to drive to Shorewood.  I couldn't find them at West Milwaukee and I knew my neighborhood would flip me off.  I took a drive to Bay View this morning and went to their post office.  This would make me boring as F if I told a co worker what I did this morning. They wouldn't be wrong. I knew my mom had her doctor appointment but I wanted to get some type of walk in this morning.  I parked my car near the offices where the Democratic Party of Milwaukee is located in Bay View and walked.  I walked along Superior and then crossed the street to get another view of the city and the lake.  It was really beautiful.  I think with gas prices being bad, I may change my routine up a bit.  I don't put on as many miles to Bay View as I do for the east side. It really doesn't matter to much with me because ...
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Exhausted

 It's not from what happened with my mom last weekend.  I just about had it with the group that I spend my days with that I feel exhausted.  I have today and Monday off.  I just don't know what to do anymore. Yesterday, I spent an hour listening to Regina go on about her work, how she is the most important person in the group and all of her responsibilities have changed.  I could go walk around the block, come back and she would still be talking because she never takes a breath.  I resent it because I've been in the position where I've asked this group for help and have heard nothing.  I feel like I'm going to have the mafia after me if I don't. I did help her area when she was out for the day. I know what she's doing.  She's hoping that she messes it up and complains so much that she'll get her old area back that nobody could touch.  Regina has been the most useless person in our group.  Unless it's to help the lurker, everyone else can...
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Home

 Mom has been home a day now.  I got her out yesterday.  I wasn't sure if it was possible.  She had a low grade fever and then something happened with her IV.  Her doctor came in before 2 and told her that she was good to go.  I was tearful when I thought she wouldn't be able to come home.  I was happy to come get her and I didn't care I had to wait 2 hours with her.  I had my mom. We never really do much of anything on the holiday but we have each other.  I saw my future on Sunday.  I know that there will be a day that it's just me and you know?  It sucks.  I don't know how to fix it.  There have been people who have come and gone.  Mostly gone.   I think Cassie thought she was my emergency contact when life fell apart.  No, I thought she was a friend. I was never invited over to her home so what did I expect?  Even Corinne had her Easter dinner and everything.  I knew she knew about lonely h...
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