The Invisible Woman Chronicles

I've been a little sad since the Thinker left last week.  I haven't really had anyone to talk to during the day even though I'm probably more productive in some respect.  I did get help in catching up which was great. I hate that I have a horrible time making friends.  It's even worse at my age now. I know I have Corinne but she's also 4 hours away and has a way better life now that she has her person.   Shyness is my enemy and being vulnerable has made me prey for horrible people in my life.  You get to the point where you ask, What's the point?  Everyone is a user.   I hear, Well you need to ask people if you want to get together.  I HAVE!  MILLIONS OF TIMES!  How many times do I need to ask?  I would ask Cassie if she wanted to meet for Starbucks when I would be downtown for an appointment.  She was only blocks away and I wouldn't hear from her until after my appointment that she was busy.  There have been ple...

I didn't realize that when I post something on Facebook that I should change my settings to private. I  came across this yesterday when I realized my post about Stephen Colbert's show was ending.  It had been shared 19 times and I thought wow.  Why would people do that?  I think most of it was positive.  People weren't happy.  One person shared with the caption Letterman is an idiot. Well he wouldn't disagree.  It was just kind of jarring to have someone take a post that talked about my loneliness and how I found comfort in watching these shows growing up.  It just felt so cruel.  I can't take it personal.  This is the internet. Really.  Anyone who is off social media is my hero.  I'm not on much myself and this will definitely help keep me off for my own sanity. People are just cruel. 

It's really hurt me in my lifetime that I got written off by people that I wouldn't amount to anything good. I wouldn't have a good job. I wouldn't get married.  I wouldn't have kids.  I fought hard to show them.  I showed them that they were right. Sigh. I'll say what was so painful about my last visit with my soon to be ex doctor.  He brought up my least favorite exam in the world that tests if you have cervical cervix.  Because I'm not engaging in the activity that might prompt it, I am exempt a few years from it.  I don't really have a party for it but hey, I'm ok with it. He brought up I'll only have to have it a few more times and then I'm done because of my age.  I know after a certain age, my mom was told that she didn't need mammograms anymore. Do I care if I get to end that exam in the next few years?  No.  Not at all.   Did he say it in a real smirky way that made it sound condescending? Yeah.  He did. He embarrassed...

I had a moment of panic this morning. I was worried I didn't see my transaction from Panera Bread deducted from my checking account. I paid with Paypal which would take me to my checking account.  I thought did I hit one of the credit cards I had on accident?  I didn't.  Thank god.  I'd be making some phone calls and apologies today for that if I did.  Note to self - delete any credit card I have with Paypal so I don't have the heart failure again.   It'll be weird not have the Thinker around.  I'll be alone with my thoughts again.  Oh well.  I didn't always agree with the Thinker and how she handled things but it was nice having someone who has on the same wave length as me.  She was the one that told me how the diva bragged up the lurker and Regina to corporate higher ups.  I wasn't shocked but I admitted she had some issues with treating me funny.  There's other people who are nice but I got to keep some things to mysel...

I'm so thankful.  I needed this. I have a hair cut this morning and later, I'll take my mom to city hall to drop off her ballot for the primary.  Not a lot to do today and I'm ok with that.  I'll have off of on Friday so another fast and furious week.  I'll deal. I read the polls for Wisconsin governor and Mandela and Francesca both have a good chance at beating Tom Tiffany.  You can't help but like Mandela when you meet him.  You want to adopt him and I gave my word.  I voted for him.  I'll vote for Fran if she's the winner.  I like Fran too. I worry because Wisconsin is not New York as far as a Democrat Socialist is concerned.  Why not?  Corinne reminded me that there were Milwaukee mayors who were Democrat Socialists.  I have no problem with a Democrat, Socialist. I have a problem with MAGA though.  Whoever it is, please bet Tom Tiffany.  Please. Yeah.  I was wishing for a lightning storm in a certain capitol ...

I did feel it was July 4th when the fireworks started outside and I had to console a scared cat.  Poor Precious. Not a fan of this holiday with a nervous fur baby. I had to cuddle her a couple of times because she looked panicked when she would hear the booms.  I hate the fireworks.  I liked watching them on TV.  I don't like them scaring poor Precious or any other pet.   It didn't feel like it was a holiday.  Felt like a quieter Saturday. I had gone to Pet Supplies in Glendale to stock up on food and I noticed a couple talking to someone about dog food.  I think the woman caught my attention because of her stomach.  I thought is she pregnant?  No.  She was wearing awkward clothing.  Kind of inappropriate. I get it.  It's humid.  I'm not winning any wars on weight. I long for the day where I can wear a pair of shorts that don't involve a drawstring.  This woman was maybe a little overweight and I thought you can ...