The Invisible Woman Chronicles

I am crawling towards the end of the week and will be so happy when it ends.  It's been a lot slugging through my assignments and today I just don't want to talk to anyone but that's not the case for me.  Damn it. It appears Regina seems to be lost without her little friend the lurker.  I'm not sure how she'll fare with the new changes but I don't care.  She's never bothered to help a single person since she's started unless you were the lurker.   It was nice to be off on Tuesday afternoon to get a hair cut but I tell you, I hate parking meters. I really wish the school would be open on a Saturday.  I didn't have enough time to park where I have and just walk through downtown. I thought I'd be ok with the meter but I couldn't seem to get my debit card to slide and the meter to take it. I wound up going to a lot and parking where it was easier.  More expensive.  I'll plan better next time.  Luckily I made it on time with me messing around...

 I know I may be putting myself at risk by doing this blog.  I kind of tried to keep it more neutral at first and put a sunnier side on it.  The truth is my feelings are messy, my life is messy and well people I've know haven't been that great to me at times.  I think if someone were to call me out about it, I'd have to ask, do you really admit that you're that awful person who left me at the airport because you're a drunk?  Nah.  Go away.  I try to keep names out. I don't know how the views work or if anyone reads it. I'm ok if people read it. I'd like to hope that if someone came across it some night that they'd say Oh, I can relate to her.  I get it.  I totally get it.  I sometimes do wish there was someone out there.  A guy.  Maybe reading this and thinking I get what she's saying and I like her.  She has depth.  She has character.  I know you got to be careful for wishing for a secret admirer, but in my fert...

I always felt like I was so demanding if I asked for something.  I always felt like I was too much if maybe I asked why didn't you call?  Or are things ok?  I just stopped asking if a period of time passed. I would think.  Well they're done with me.   During my 2nd year at college, my boyfriend was going to a bar with some friends one evening. I really hadn't seen much of him and I really wasn't crazy about the bar that he was going to.  I joked about how trashy it was and I didn't really sense anything was wrong until I got picked up the next day and taken to work. He was waiting for me at the bus stop.  My parents were having financial issues.  Well.  I'll say it.  They filed bankruptcy that summer and we were down to one car because my dad had been sold a lemon that could have killed us.  A cop of all people sold us the car.  Anyway, college boyfriend was helping me out a little bit with getting to work at Sears. ...

 I am doing better today.  I don't know why I got upset because Oh no!  Someone didn't respond to my email.  Sigh.  I had a lot of memories of people not calling me back so I'm quick to think in my vivid imagination Oh this person hates me!  No, they don't.  Being dismissed and forgotten about is probably the case.   Being dismissed and forgotten isn't ok either but it's kind of the norm when it's me.  It surprises me when I do see people like that and they say Oh it's so good to see you! I think, is it?  I never heard from you again so I don't suck? You know me talking about it makes me sound so needy.  I just return calls. I respond to emails.  I might not be immediate but I try to find time for people even if I'm tired.  Sometimes I don't respond to Corinne's messages in the morning. I do make a point by the evening when I sign off to write back because it's important. I may not hear from her for a few days and I d...

I'll say it again.  Flowery words are nice but they mean zero when you don't back them up.   Yesterday was a day to celebrate what I do every day.  I am ok if that day isn't celebrated.  I just am at this point in my life.  In the office, the managing attorney would say the same thing and then treat people like me garbage so heartburn from a lunch I didn't ask for and gift cards that I don't need just don't mean anything.  I would like my daily life to be quality. I don't want to hear words that mean nothing. I got something in the mail from the stomper.  It was a little organizer book and a fancy book mark.  I got a gift card that was good. I'm not sure the amount but I will use it.  I asked my sister if my niece would like it and she would.  It's not for me and it means nothing to me.  There was a note written on the inside and this morning I ripped it out of the book and shredded it.  It was just empty words. Ever since...

 On Monday, I was angry.  I felt like a dumping ground and I really couldn't pretend that I was a happy person when I got my response.  I actually cut off my call early because I was pissed off. It's not anything I'm familiar with. I hit the end button when I heard I really appreciate you.  Oh F all the way off.  No you appreciate me being a door mat. Just stop it.  Quit talking.  Yeah.  I'm talking about the stomper.  I think the light switch came on for me that I had enough and ignored enough. I still have to deal with it for a few more weeks and I don't know if I can fake it.  I think when someone is part of your daily life and it's imperative that you don't show how you feel, you ignore a lot.  I really can't ignore a lot and right now I want to unload a lot of my feelings off right now.  I wouldn't at the stomper.  Honestly.  So tired of the stupidity. I've said it before and I'll say it again.  So sick of t...