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Time and Healing

I look over at the trunk next to my desk during the day and I have those moments where it just hurts.  I don't cry. I just feel heartbroken about her.  It's getting better.  There have been some things happening that have helped with me trying to heal lately.   Meanwhile, in my day to day world, the diva is on my nerves this week.  When I had to leave that Friday, there wasn't a lot of us in our group online and when asked about who can be in charge for rushes, the diva piped in right away.  Kind of relieved at the time and I figured she was pissed off about me not being in the next day so she could boss me around. I mentioned to someone that there are individuals who will say they will help and they won't.  I hope they're observing who it is.  Yesterday, someone else needed help and she was first to offer.  The other day I was asked along with Regina about something we both had a lot of and the diva was quick to offer her help for Regin...
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A Smile that Warmed my Heart

The day after I took Precious for the last vet visit, I was back to my routine.  Some things had changed.  I wasn't stopping to get litter.  I got a few grocery items and then went off to my walk on the east side, still feeling very broken and sad. I had messed up the condolence card for Josh and I had to get a different card.  I had plenty of discounts (no, I'm not discounting their grief, I'm just stupid with money) so I figured I'd stop at CVS and look for a replacement.  As I was looking, a young dad and his girls were in the aisle and a guy came along with his black labrador. I love labradors. The Great Fava had a chocolate brown labrador.  Loved Sadie.  Hated the Great Fava.  I got a soft spot for that particular dog and the dog was actually looking at me as they passed.  I just said to the dog, "You're beautiful" and the dog sat down.  I couldn't believe it.  I petted the dog and told he or she that they were wonderful and th...
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Precious is gone and my heart is broken

I'm not ok.  It happened this morning.  I had to act fast this morning and we took her in.  I'm not ok.  The vet thought she had a stroke.  He thought it was a neurological thing.  Her back legs weren't working and she was collapsing. This happened within the last 24 hours.  She didn't seem ok.  She was crying more.  More meowing.  Seemed unsettled.  I thought is it my imagination?   I saw her head to the litter box as I was getting done with my bath.  Her back leg buckled as she got in.  Then she slunk underneath the bath tub and in the corner.  I knew.  I knew this was bad. When she came out, she was wobbling and my mom picked her up.  She held her for awhile and had her sit in the recliner.  That was their thing. I went to bed and I thought, maybe something will change.  I didn't think it would but if I go down the road of magical thinking, it'll keep me from crying.   I laid...
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Really Tired Thursday

Not as tired as my mom though.  She has had some bad sleeping habits.  She slept until noon on Tuesday. I couldn't seem to wake her up and then she stayed up almost 24 hours the next night.  I didn't even bother her when she fell asleep in front of the TV.  I thought she needs her rest.  She has always had some off sleeping habits.   We had to call one of her credit cards because they detected unusual activity.  We got a $8 cheese sausage from Menards the other night.  That set off the alert.  Sigh.  That was a pain and that'll teach us to shop at Menards.  I told my mom we can blame the guy in charge of Menards for the sad state Wisconsin once was in with their Republican politics and donations.  Jerk.   Yesterday, I felt stupid after our meeting.  I felt like everything I said was stupid.  I don't know why.  Maybe I'm just punchy tired myself.  I had my internet freeze and it kicked me out w...
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Tired Tuesday

I watched Rosie O'Donnell this morning when I woke up.  It was like having an old friend visit me this morning.  I watched Jimmy's show after Colbert's ended but then he went on his yearly vacation and had co-hosts. I wasn't really interested in any of them until Rosie.  It was just nice to laugh.  I laugh at Jimmy's monologue and his antics, but Rosie felt like a friend.  I get why she moved.  I just wished she would have taken me and my mom from this nightmare. It isn't easy living in the nightmare that we're in.  Last week, I saw someone with a bumper sticker that said their gas tank is full of liberal tears.  I just can't.  I think how hateful.  You advertise that on your car?  You sound like a horrible person. I have been listening to Josh Shapiro's book and it's actually more interesting than I realize.  His mother was a teacher and had him write to another Jewish boy who was living in Russia who was his age.  They w...
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I see you Monday

I'm not a ball of anxiety this Monday.  Maybe when I see my emails that might be a different story. I watched a lot of YouTube this weekend.  My mom has grown quite fond of Jennifer Welch and her podcast I've Had it. I remembered her show on Bravo and I liked it.  Too tame for Bravo which explains why it lasted 2 seasons but so happy to listen to her podcast with her friend Angie.  I really like Pod Save America but those guys turned out to be pompous jerks.  I'll take Jennifer and Angie over the Obama bros.  Jerks. I don't know who this Hasan Piker is but I'm glad David Crowley isn't campaigning with him.  Who is this guy?  We deserved 9/11?  I saw the video of him speaking at one of Fran's rallies and he seemed ok but I'm not a fan of this provocative talk.  Doesn't matter which party you support or kind of support.  I can see why Carville lost his ever loving mind over this guy and I think sometimes James Carville should shut up ...
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Sunday Snooze

I got a little panicked today.  Shocker, I know.  I got a little camera for the kitchen when the monster was here in the weird event that he was picking our lock and coming in when we were gone.  It has helped me in a different way.  My mom can be a late sleeper so if I'm out on a weekend morning, I'm to call her if I don't see her on the camera by 10 in the morning.  I didn't notice until 10:30 and the phone kept ringing.  It hit me that she might have disconnected the phone yesterday.  I was hoping I would see her pop up randomly.  No such luck until I got home at noon and she was fast asleep. This week, she got a scam call from Wells Fargo.  She probably made a mistake picking up and saying I don't have any money.  Quit calling.  Oh, I've done my share of clap back moments with the scammers but I heard recently that if you stay on too long, they can pick up your voice and use it with AI. After she did that, they tried calling fiv...
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