The Invisible Woman Chronicles

 I woke up a few times and finally got up at 5.  I can thank Queen Precious for that assistance.  She's got three dishes on her dresser.  How did that happen in my sleep fog? We had a chance to speak to Charlie when we dropped off the rent downstairs.  Really kind of sounds like our old landlord didn't do much of anything while he was downstairs painting.  Was he hiding from his four kids?  Kind of sounds that way.  He did paint but Jeremy would like the walls painted a different color.  I'm with you, Jeremy. I thought they were too dark from the pictures.  Mom worried about what we said about the old landlord.  Well, I don't think we were bad about him.  Maybe the monster.  It was more information that they might need.  An inspection was never done when the Great Fava bought the place and I thought that should be something that Charlie and Jeremy should be aware of when they come across things.  I thought Charli...

I repeat my stories a lot I suspect.  I think about the things that have happened in my life and sometimes I think about it one too many times.  I apologize if anyone reads it someday and say she brought that up like 3 months ago.  Yeah.  I got issues. I don't think I told this story before. I got drunk before a class and I read basically a gay vampire love story that might have been considered porn.  I'm not sure. I don't tell this story in a prideful way. I think that was a stupid moment.  And inconsiderate moment. It was my junior year at UW-Milwaukee.  It was the fall and I kind of felt like I was in a grove with meeting and socializing.  I had declared my major as communication and it appeared I was on track to get a minor in English. I was interested in journalism at one point but that type of writing didn't appeal to me at that time. I loved telling stories that made people laugh and feel good with my writing.  Journalism is difficult ...

 I am old.  I'm ok with it.  I should never use slang. I found out what situationship meant.  It's not really what I thought it was. I thought it was a friendship that had potential for something more.  NOPE!  Well let me throw that word in the trash can because that's where it belongs.  It's not what I wanted. I would like something that was based on a friendship initially that had the potential for something more.  I'm talking going to Boswell books and finding good books to buy or going for coffee even though I don't drink coffee. It would not involve a 3 am phone call.  I might be awake because the cat wakes me up but I sure the hell don't want someone sending me messages for something else.  I'm tired.  If that's all you want?  I'm not that person.   It would be nice to have someone that would want to talk about books. It would not be nice to have someone give me something that involves me looking at what it is i...

 Well let's see if I try to do that.  Good riddance to old landlord.  We met with Jeremy yesterday for a tiny bit.  He dropped off the new lease and was just hilarious in the short period of time he was there.  He and mom got a good laugh that I've called Charlie by the wrong name.  I have to remember a lot of things.  I can't help myself but glad Jeremy and mom had a good laugh at my failing memory.  It is funny.  Poor Charlie.   Our next door neighbor took down the fence yesterday. It wasn't a tall fence but it made me really happy to see it.  It was like a sign of progress that the era of the monster is over.  The monster's dogs were pooping in his yard and peeing on his trees.  You couldn't blame him for putting that fence up, even if he's not here everyday.  I think he'll like Charlie and Jeremy.   I spent some time with the Thinker yesterday and they had some interesting things to say about the lu...

I've been daydreaming a lot and it's been a good thing in some respect. If I had a wish after dealing with a serious illness, I have one. I would like to get kissed again.  2006 was the last time someone kissed me.  It wasn't done out of sincerity.  It was out of drama.  It was done to make me doubt myself more when I went back home. There is no such thing as a perfect kiss.  There's a type of a kiss that I would like.   A sincere kiss.  It would be a moment where it just seems right and it doesn't need to involve violins or swans in a pond. It could be on a walk.  It could be sitting in a car.  It could happen on a door step.  It almost makes it much nicer to have it happen in an unexpected place.   It would be a moment where this really deep mutual like and it would be something that would catch me off guard but in a really good way.  The kind that doesn't make want to wipe the smile off my face after that. ...

I feel like I have adult asthma.  That doesn't mean I have it.  I have allergies, sinus problems, GERD and when I wake up, I feel like I'm wheezing or my nose is making a strange noise.   When I ran a relay race in junior high, I collapsed on the grass and the gym teacher told me to quit smoking with the other pot heads.  I never smoked in my life but I guess I sounded like one after running.  I hate gym teachers.   I was a nerd that lived for TV.  Jerk.   Do I have the money or time to find out what's wrong?  Not really.  I know I should go to an ENT but I worry that it's going to be another exercise in money wasted.  I have some nasal spray. I am always congested.  I know having GERD is a reason I should go see a specialist as well but I sleep upright.  Or try to when I go to bed.  It sucks.  I just thought well maybe if I wasn't so fat I wouldn't wheeze.  I'd like to think that weight loss ...

Not a great day.  Well I have had worst days. This was annoying. I know the lurker's friend leaves me notifications every Wednesday afternoon for a certain region.  We all have our designated times and I have taken screen shots most weeks and saved them for a rainy day.  I feel petty for keeping them but I'm tired of this individual taking all the easy ones because it's about numbers for them.  It's not helping your team member out.  That's garbage to them.  I can laugh it off some days and some days, I'm tired of it.  I am absolutely tired of the no accountability for people like that.   Today I had something to do that I was afraid to do.  We have a system that if a mistake is made, we make a note or specify something in that person's name what happened and what was the correction. I have had some.  Nothing too significant.  Today it was for the lurker.  It actually scared me to do because well, I feared retaliation and ...

It's great to have a four day week but can be so confusing. I told myself an event wasn't happening until Thursday.  No, no, it was for today.  Glad I caught it.  It's always been a too fast week for me. I don't imagine I'll see Charlie or Jeremy until later this week.  Charlie works an hour away in Madison and from our place it adds another 30 minutes.  I told my mom it's really safe to say we won't see Charlie sitting on the porch with two dogs vaping while his dogs bark.  They're not home enough for pets.  Glad they're ok with our Precious. I did another round of pick ups for mom at Kohl's last night. I didn't mind.  Nice to get out of the house. I just wanted to make sure I got everything straight.  She got a great deal on everything so it's fine by me to go get them.  I made a stop at Wal-Mart to get a few things before I headed home. As I pushed my cart out, I realized I left my damn bag at the check out.  Luckily they had it....

I have a message.  We could have been friends.  You all blew it. You're right. I don't know what it's like. I know a few things.   I understand boundaries.  I have a mom.  I have a sister.  They're moms.  I have a niece who is a mom.  I have only been an observer.  Not a participant.  I've never given advice.  I've tried to provide comfort or words of kindness when a frustration has kicked in when a mom has been frustrated. I felt funny when Charlotte ran up to me at the zoo and wanted to be my bestie for the day.  I asked my sister if it was ok that she was glued to my hands.  She said it's giving my niece a break.  I was worried that I would lose Charlotte's grip on my hand.  This isn't my kid.  She's my great niece and I don't want her mom mad at me.  I wanted to be respectful of her mom.  Little did I realize it was a great relief Charlotte had a new play friend.  An old play friend b...

Back to the daily grind.  Here's hoping the week isn't too fast and furious. I felt so overwhelmed about the whole Kohls debacle. I think I will at some point find an email for corporate and share my thoughts about how things changed without curse words.  It would be nice if I got a $42 credit on my account and not a merchandise credit. It would be nicer if my mom got her flipping credit card.  This is insane and I just don't understand why they had to make things so complicated. My mom worried last night that maybe Charlie and Jeremy were going to flip houses and would move on right away. I wasn't really sure. I was left with the impression that maybe this would be income property for them.  It would be nice if there were more private owners who owned rentals instead of corporations.  The Great Fava was a personal trainer when he bought this property.  Then he took a job in real estate and became a realtor.  Then he consulted people on running a busin...

I hate Kohls.  I don't hate their clerks or their cash.  I dislike that Capital One has taken over.  My mom still hasn't gotten her credit card.   This is my sign not to have any credit cards and I'm good.  The card isn't really the issue.  The issue was what happened with the return.  I didn't get a credit back on my account. I got a merchandise credit.  That's crap. I have no idea why that happened.  I couldn't find the receipt I printed up but I found it on the phone.  For some reason they couldn't connect it with the credit card or my order number.  It's their new system.  It's Capital One and it sucks.  I didn't even argue when I got a merchandise credit for the shoes. I just wanted to go home.  I don't understand why I didn't a credit on my shiny new Kohl's card.   I thought I picked up all of my mom's orders but I missed one and that pissed me off.  I'm not pissed at her.  I'm pissed at...

I felt like Debbie Downer last night when I went to bed.  There's actually some really good things happening. I think this young couple will make this a more livable place.  Charlie talked about the insulation and how once they fix it, it might change our heating and electrical bill.  That would be wonderful. After 9 plus years of the previous landlord, we'll call him The Great Fava, if he did something, we were going to pay for it.  I guess that's where my mind started with the worrying. I asked my niece what authors Charlotte likes and she mentioned Mo Willems.  I wanted some ideas for her birthday in early August.  I stopped at Boswell Books and found Mo's collection of books and bought one.  It was only $10 and I'll be back to buy a couple more this summer. I looked at the book and it just made me smile.  I'm so happy so loves books and I love supporting a small business like Boswell. I get $5 off my next book so I am more than glad to buy lit...

The humidity is crushing me.  I feel it in my legs.  Yes, I know if I lost weight it would help and I'm working on that.  Yesterday, it was the left.  Today it's the right leg.  Felt good to take a hot bath last night. I feel out of sorts this weekend.  Wish I knew why. One of our new landlords was here this weekend working in the yard and working on things around the duplex.  Sweet kid.  Doesn't look older than 30, I'm not good at age and his partner is out of town.  I was a little disappointed when I heard their intention is to initially live here but after that . . . I'm not sure what their future plans are, but I think it made me feel a little sad to hear that.  I'm going to guess maybe the intent is to have this as income property and they can move onto a home of their own.  I don't blame them.  It sounds like something that's a good idea.  I think our previous landlord wanted to do that.  He just didn't want to ...

Yesterday, I thought why am I blogging?  Nobody cares what I write.  It's just me venting.  It just seems stupid.  I thought I should delete this whole thing. I realize that there's a lot of days I feel a lot better.  It was just one of those days yesterday.  I guess putting my thoughts down and releasing them is a lot cheaper than therapy.   I had to go through a little training on a new change yesterday. There's always changes, what's new, but I spent a little bit of my time on a call with someone from a different part of the country and talked about some of the things that I went through when I was at the office and I almost cried.  She thought it was terrible when I told her about one of the incidents.  I said I never want to be back in an office.  I don't think I can do it.  I don't want to do any group events with the old gang.  It wasn't good times.  It was forced times. I don't know what a divorce feels like b...

Yesterday was an awful day for me.  It was a day that all the negative feelings I had about myself circulated in my head.  It was perfect for a rainy and dark day.  It passed. I don't like days like that.  It happened when I got the official notification about the costly error I made.  It was in my record now.  It was staring at me in the face.  It was something that might just prevent me from getting a raise next year.  I wouldn't blame them if they felt I should be passed.  This was awful. All I could think all day was I hate myself.  I just hate myself.  I threw in an f word when I would say that in my head.  I thought I can't even do anything right.  I'm hanging by a thread the last 2 months wondering where I'm going to live.  Maybe for a few weeks, wondering how healthy I'll be if I have to pack up and move to a new place. My mom had asked if I would exchange the new air fryer we got at Kohl's.  By the end o...

It's one thing if there's a rainy day.  Two in a row just suck.  I guess our new landlords or landlord will be here this morning for the final inspection.  Landlord called and told me yesterday.  He also plans on mowing the lawn and saying his final goodbyes to us.  Why is what I wanted to ask, but I refrained.  My mom's response was far worse.  Bye Felicia.  First time I've heard her use that.  Interesting. It appears that I'll be the one that's saying goodbye.  She's going to go to the food pantry tomorrow and she's hoping he shows up then.  She's over it and well, ok with me.  I guess it's my turn to deal with him.  I will be nice and more gracious than deserved.  I'll wish him well.  I have plenty I'd like to say but I'm not going to burn my bridge and I don't think he would get it if I told him what I really thought.  It's really just best to move on with grace.  It's my hope that he learns some ha...

I am just feeling so horribly lonely right now.   I don't wish for anyone to talk to me or wish for anything. I wish the loneliness feeling would go away. Loneliness makes you do things because maybe this will fix you.  Maybe this relationship will be good for you and you wind up feeling more alone. In a moment of loneliness, I reached out to Frick of all people.  Yeah.  I know.  I regretted it shortly after that.  She just used me when we were in the office. I made small talk and I went back to my daily life.  In a few months if she sends me a message, I'll send something back. Even when we saw each other in person, she would say things to make me feel small. If I sent an email or text, I would get a response a day later with an Oh, I'm such a terrible friend!  I didn't see your message!  Well I never really paid much attention to when she responded but when she said that, it made me feel small.   I'm ok that I had the opportu...

Our big thrills growing up was going to the JCPenneys outlet.  We could find some of our clothes for school. It was really a garbage store with some good deals.  I found a cool black dress that I liked.  Kind of a Victorian dress that I had black boots would match.  I had tights to go with it too. I looked like I was a witch.  I didn't think that at the time. I thought I was Madonna with my fingerless gloves.   I remember walking past some girls in biology class who couldn't stop laughing. They were pointing and smiling at me. I get now why they laughed at me but at the time, it was horrifying.  I was a freak and mocked.  I had many instances like that where girls would whisper as I walk by no matter what outfit.  Being around mean girls was a regular occurrence.  I wasn't athletic so I got screamed at by the girls who were good at sports.  I wasn't as smart as the other kids in the accelerated classes so I got a few eyes rolle...

I'm thankful the end of the week will bring a three day weekend.  At least the diva doesn't have to worry about me taking off since I don't have another day until mid-June.  Such a child.  I won't have to deal with their nonsense today. I never want to be in that position again where I open up and get stabbed like that.   Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying that I don't want to ever make a friend.  I didn't think we would be pals, but I thought this was someone who would be an ally.  Now I feel like an enemy and I'm not sure why.  That's how it was at the office. I think things were fine with someone and the next thing I know I'm sitting at a table with two managers and someone making up stories about me.  Tired of the backstabbers. I'm glad I don't have Sling or I would be on it this morning wiping tears away and getting stressed out.  I would be sad about Joe and my head would want to explode when I see Trump's face.  Trump i...

I'm not ok. I wasn't feeling so great as the day has gone on and I saw the news alert when we were getting out of the car to go figure out why my mom hasn't gotten her stupid Kohls card.   The news alert came up that Joe Biden has an aggressive form of prostate cancer.  I don't know a lot about prostate cancer, but words like metastatic and to the bones are phrases that scare me.   I was ok while we tried to figure out the mystery of why she never got her Kohls card, getting her a new air fryer with her gift card and making her return. I cried on the drive home.  I am upset at how Joe was treated by the party for not getting out of the race. I think was something happening during this time?  I want to punch Jake Tapper in the face for that book about Joe and his declining health. My situation and Joe's are different.  About two months before my diagnosis, I was horribly tired.  Like I could take a 3 hour nap.  I was falling asleep at lik...

I got the make up I ordered from Bobbi Brown this week.  It's just some light cover up that has maybe a little glow to it.  It's sheer.  I don't sparkle.  I feel sparkly.  Quit laughing.   I really hadn't worn a lot of wake up the last few years since I'm at home and it seemed like such a money waste when I thought about it.  All the hours I wasted at stupid make up counters at Nordstrom or Macys or Boston Store.  I was making someone happy with their commissions because I bought too much.   I did miss wearing mascara but mascara has a shelf life of three months.  Most of the time I work a little cover up and mascara before I went to work.  That's all that I needed.  I loved doing the eye make up but it became a hassle Someone introduced me to the eye stick and I never want to go back.  Gimme my eye shadow crayon and I'm good. Easy is better. I have used the cover up a few times.  I used it when I went to ge...

So I'm about ready to do my Saturday errand run or the things I normally do like stop at the post office, drop some things off at Goodwill, go for a walk. What would I like to do on a Saturday morning?  Well here's my kindness interlude. I would stop and see my favorite human.  I would maybe bring something he likes, a favorite bagel.  Coffee.  His likes would be my favorite errand of the morning.  I would totally be turned on by messy hair in the morning when I see him and make a wisecrack.  He would be amused.  He would get that the wise crack comes from love, not a making fun in some stupid way.   I would get the best hug.  He would be a good hugger.  All of the stress from the week would be melted by this hug.   Would there be any making out or other things such as that?  Well yes and yes and yes.  Mind your business, please.  This isn't that type of blog post.  No peeking. We would sit and talk abo...

Let's hope that's the case. I know one won't be present.  I hope no other diva pops up on my Friday.  I'm looking at you outgoing landlord.   The outgoing landlord was here yesterday to mow the lawn.  When I came through the alley on my way back from my walk, I noticed he was there and I turned out to go make my entrance through the front of the house.  If he saw me, I was entering the building and had no interest in saying hello.  It looked as though they were working on the siding more than anything yesterday.  I can't tell the difference with the roof but I can see that they fixed the drain pipes that look super nice.  Good for our incoming landlords in holding Mr. Outgoing accountable.  Jerk. I didn't think I was going to be besties with the diva, but I'm so mad at the things that were said about how women need to stick together.  We need to bring positivity and light and keep the negativity out.   Well it was all word...

I say that to Precious most mornings when she gets me out of bed and struts in front of me.  Diva, diva, diva, what do you want now?  I'm half awake and she's prancing around with the tail twitching.  It's cute when she does it.  I don't mind divas if we're talking about Cher or watching a Real Housewife.   I do mind it when it's someone in my daily life and they're being ridiculous.  The diva seems to be the start of my annoyance versus the lurker.  The lurker has hidden in the shadows while the diva has taken center stage lately and it's on my last nerve. About a month ago, I was apologetic about being frazzled helping her with a problem. I was scheduled for 2 1/2 days that week.  Did I need it?  If I knew where I was living, I actually could have given up a day or a half day. I had an appointment one of the afternoons so that's all I would have needed.  Because we didn't know where we were going to live, I needed that time off to...

So I did report the monster to the health department a few times about the dog poop when he was here.  I did it through Facebook messenger and actually they were aware that it was a problem.  I knew the monster had gotten one of the reports because I could hear him screaming about something being frozen.  He told my mom that it was hard to pick up the dog poop because it was frozen to the ground.  How about you do it after they poop?  What a novel concept.  My next door neighbor had also reported him as well.  He had to put up a small fence to keep the dogs out because they were going to the bathroom in his bushes and they killed some of the small trees that he planted. After the monster screamed obscenities at us that morning, I had texted the landlord about what had happened and sent a picture of how he stomped pastry on our landing.  He wasn't that far from the door when he was screaming and I didn't catch all of it.  I was too shook up to...

Well what do you know?  The roofing people showed up yesterday.  Thanks landlord for not telling me that they were coming yesterday.  Did it make a difference?  No.  It was going to be a lot of noise for two days, didn't matter which days it was.  Typical coming from this landlord who can end his reign of terror soon. The roofing people worked from 8 until about sometime after 8.  I know they have more work to do and hopefully it won't be as long.  I have another hair appointment this afternoon.  I won't be a cartoon villain at least for a month after this appointment.  My head needs a break from all the banging and the house shaking.  Wow. It was a lot yesterday. I thought maybe our landlord's kids came back. I followed some politics yesterday and I'm really tired of David Hogg.  I am disappointed by this young man.  Stick with the party. I agree that some people should retire but he's almost working against the party in ...

 I laughed about someone telling me about their relative's hobbies and what an oddball that person was, even though they thought they were nice. Then I realized, how the hell am I any different?  I'm sure I get called that word that seems to be a four letter word for me "weird" I embrace the word and I hate the word in the context that it's been used to describe me. My parents hired a baby sitter for my sister and I as a kid.  She told the neighborhood I was weird because I swirled pixie sticks around and talked to them.  I like candy and maybe the pixie sticks were my friend, Janice.  Stupid cow. I am silly and make off the wall comments.  I like making people laugh and life is absurd.  When I get called weird, most of the time it's not a good thing.  I can shrug it off and in the rare moment, I will pop off at the person calling me weird. Trevor, the paralegal I used to work with thought I was hilarious but he would say things like are you ever ...

 Today wasn't as bad as I anticipated.  A conversation I had went a lot better than I feared but it's so much different than it was 10 or 12 years ago.  It wasn't about how I'm a failure.  It's how can we make this better?  I wish I knew that answer but I appreciated the sentiment.  It's a kinder world some days than I'm used to but I'm ok with that.  I am curious to see how things go with the roofing people on Wednesday and Thursday.  I'll be glad to be gone for part of the afternoon.  Nothing was ever checked when the landlord decided  he wanted to buy this place.  He trusted our previous landlord and then when things went wrong, he blamed our old landlord.  No - you didn't do your homework.  You are the problem.   It appears that I'm turning into the Martha Stewart of Dollar Tree organizing.  Originally I would see something to maybe flip on eBay for a profit but I gave up on that stupid and really not a ...

I don't think I'm someone that can do the retin-a thing.  I tried it again with an oil free moisturizer and I got the red inflammation around my right eye.  I put on like a teeny tiny drop of it far below my eyes where the problem lies.  Nope.  My eyes say hell no to this stuff.  Maybe it's not retin-a.  Maybe it's just the product that doesn't work.  I'm disappointed.  Not sure if I'll go back for an appointment later in the year.  I have a feeling I might hear an option that's not within my little piggy bank means.  I guess that's a table it later for me.  I was hoping that would help.  Me and my stupid sensitive eyes.   I am nervous about signing in.  Things were still hanging over me that I need to address.  I have a feeling that the diva has a nasty email awaiting me.  I am hoping that my monthly call will get postponed but if not, maybe it's best I get the band aid pulled off on that one to talk a...