I Was that Girl and now I'm that Woman

Our big thrills growing up was going to the JCPenneys outlet.  We could find some of our clothes for school. It was really a garbage store with some good deals.  I found a cool black dress that I liked.  Kind of a Victorian dress that I had black boots would match.  I had tights to go with it too.

I looked like I was a witch.  I didn't think that at the time. I thought I was Madonna with my fingerless gloves.  

I remember walking past some girls in biology class who couldn't stop laughing. They were pointing and smiling at me. I get now why they laughed at me but at the time, it was horrifying.  I was a freak and mocked.  I had many instances like that where girls would whisper as I walk by no matter what outfit.  Being around mean girls was a regular occurrence.  I wasn't athletic so I got screamed at by the girls who were good at sports.  I wasn't as smart as the other kids in the accelerated classes so I got a few eyes rolled at me with some of my answers.

Believe it or not the weed smokers liked me.  They also wanted to copy off me during a test.  I guess that wasn't a win. Oh well.

Well the diva was back, much to my dismay and the group chat just made me feel like I was in high school. It's not lost on me in internet land what people do.  The bragging about taking off for a long weekend or showing attention to others.  If it's me, it's now become silence or anger that I dare do something.

I used to sit there and say nothing during the lunches when women would brag about their lives.  I just smiled and would say that's nice.  It was just amazing that when I asked for anything like a day off, the world end and I was an entitled bitch. I don't have kids. I don't have a husband.  I ruined their days.

I'm that woman.  I'm not accepted.  I'm ok with it.  It doesn't mean that when women engage in their activities that it hasn't hurt me or made me cry.  It bothers me now.  

It's like I'm not allowed to have anything good and if something does?  I don't get hey that's great. I think I always get my way.

No.  I don't get what I want.  

I just wish people would have been nicer to me.  It really hurts when women act this way with me.  

I was that girl that bullied.  Now I'm the woman that gets made fun of or bitched about.  

Yay me.  

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