Diva-Free Friday

Let's hope that's the case. I know one won't be present.  I hope no other diva pops up on my Friday.  I'm looking at you outgoing landlord.  

The outgoing landlord was here yesterday to mow the lawn.  When I came through the alley on my way back from my walk, I noticed he was there and I turned out to go make my entrance through the front of the house.  If he saw me, I was entering the building and had no interest in saying hello.  It looked as though they were working on the siding more than anything yesterday.  I can't tell the difference with the roof but I can see that they fixed the drain pipes that look super nice.  Good for our incoming landlords in holding Mr. Outgoing accountable.  Jerk.

I didn't think I was going to be besties with the diva, but I'm so mad at the things that were said about how women need to stick together.  We need to bring positivity and light and keep the negativity out.  

Well it was all words.  Words mean nothing if your actions don't back it up.  I was told after she had an incident with the lurker that I better have her back and not make her look like a fool.  That felt like a threat and I actually had spoken out the day before in their support and I mentioned it to her. I didn't mention the details but I felt insulted that I didn't have someone's back.  

It was apparent I'm not important enough at some point and seemed reluctant to come to me for answers.  I never want to be put in this position again where I open up like that and get stepped on.  I'm just mad at myself for sharing.  I will protect my mental health and keep my distance.  Be polite and refrain from what I'm thinking.  Unlike yesterday when I said Go away when Irma kept talking about me.

I would love to spend more days working on tasks and not interpersonal issues or things that come up.  It was always my thing that there was some notion that if we all hung out we would all thrive.  No, it took time away and made things uncomfortable when you knew people didn't like you.  It's just more peaceful and it's been a lot more healthier for me mentally.

It's been a few weeks since I ended a prescription.  I stopped having problems with dry mouth.  The brain zaps seem to be gone and there's times I felt like crying and really didn't.  It's ok to cry but I kind of felt more emotional the last few months.  Which is a lot for an EMO like me.  I will get the new stuff and see at what time I should start trying the new dosage.  I kind of hope that I can get through summer ok.  

There was a time in middle school where I felt like I really could have benefited from this prescription.  I was miserable and I just didn't want to be here.  I was bullied.  I was made fun of and I just wanted my world to go away.  It was too much and I struggled.  Things got better, but damn.  It was a bad time.

The battle to deal with the bad humans goes on.  Some days are better and some days I need to scream.  

I past my 10 year mark of being cancer free.  I thought what do I want for life now that I've passed this milestone?  I have just been surviving the last 10 years.  I feel like I've had to put a band aid on medical that has popped up.  I'm just existing these last 10 years and well, I have my whole life.

I would like to thrive.  Is that a greedy thing to ask for? Now I feel like crying a little bit.

I hope the good humans have a good day. I wish I could meet another good human near by.  I know a few of you, but not enough.