Bringing a little Beauty Back

I got the make up I ordered from Bobbi Brown this week.  It's just some light cover up that has maybe a little glow to it.  It's sheer.  I don't sparkle.  I feel sparkly.  Quit laughing.  

I really hadn't worn a lot of wake up the last few years since I'm at home and it seemed like such a money waste when I thought about it.  All the hours I wasted at stupid make up counters at Nordstrom or Macys or Boston Store.  I was making someone happy with their commissions because I bought too much.  

I did miss wearing mascara but mascara has a shelf life of three months.  Most of the time I work a little cover up and mascara before I went to work.  That's all that I needed.  I loved doing the eye make up but it became a hassle Someone introduced me to the eye stick and I never want to go back.  Gimme my eye shadow crayon and I'm good. Easy is better.

I have used the cover up a few times.  I used it when I went to get my hair colored mid week.  I used it for a couple of teams calls.  I wasn't going for a glam look but I'm not Pamela Anderson either.  I don't want to be.  I just wanted to look like a better version of me and feel better.

It's not going to prompt me to buy more. I don't miss the days of someone selling me a line of BS so I can buy blush or lipstick.  I'm good.  And yes, red lipstick makes me look ridiculous.  If I buy lipstick, I'll do it myself, thank you.

I did make an appointment for an eyebrow wax.  It appears that I can't do the retin-A thing and it appears I really suck at taking care of my eyebrows.  Damn it.  I thought I was going to know how with my little eyebrow kit that I got.  No.  Epic fail.  At least it was less than 6 bucks.

I made an appointment at my old salon, but not that location.  I might try to get an appointment with the beauty school for a future appointment.  I just knew if I went back to the place I was going to and asked them if I used any Retin-A products or told them what happened, I would hear that my dermatologist is an idiot - he's not or I should buy their products - not going to happen.  I get tired of the pushing products.  I wasted so much money, find someone else, please.  

When the diva started, I had looked them up on the infamous career social media page I'm not going to talk about.  I did it when an attorney started and thought Oh, so that's what they look like at the time and look at their experience.

I wasn't sure if someone was playing a joke on me when I pulled up the diva's page.  I thought I was seeing Aunt Lydia from the Handmaid's Tale with a Sephora make over.  Yeah.  That's a shitty comment on my part.  I only watched that show once.  There were other thoughts too.  Far worse.  At least that's an Emmy award winning show.  She didn't need all that make up.  She's actually a really attractive woman with a really demanding personality.  Maybe the excess make up was a sign for me.  I don't know.

When I did so a little retail therapy and got a few things from Kohls, I wanted to find a couple of shirts that were casual but not in a I Gave Up kind of way.  I got too comfortable with the cat lover and Friends memes T-shirts.  Too afraid to wear the Harris Walz t-shirts openly and in public these days.  I never did before the election.  Great to hide under a cardigan though.

I would like to find something different than my zip up hoodies.  I know why I do it.  It's to hide me.  I had something that happened that has made me feel super self aware of my body and I so badly want to hide it.  I know!  Nobody knows, except for me if I don't say anything.  

I recognize the shield.  I just want to make it look a little nicer.  I want to feel better that way.  

I know I shine in my own way.  I know I hide.  I've been vulnerable and there's so many times where you think when can I reveal myself?  When can I open with someone?

Maybe I can get some fashion tips from Aunt Lydia.  Yeah, I know.  That was bad.

I want to be the best version of me.  That's all.