The Loneliness Post

I am just feeling so horribly lonely right now.  

I don't wish for anyone to talk to me or wish for anything. I wish the loneliness feeling would go away.

Loneliness makes you do things because maybe this will fix you.  Maybe this relationship will be good for you and you wind up feeling more alone.

In a moment of loneliness, I reached out to Frick of all people.  Yeah.  I know.  I regretted it shortly after that.  She just used me when we were in the office. I made small talk and I went back to my daily life.  In a few months if she sends me a message, I'll send something back.

Even when we saw each other in person, she would say things to make me feel small. If I sent an email or text, I would get a response a day later with an Oh, I'm such a terrible friend!  I didn't see your message! 

Well I never really paid much attention to when she responded but when she said that, it made me feel small.  

I'm ok that I had the opportunity to walk away.  I had to deal with someone's whims and worry about them being mad.  I had that in the few relationships I had and felt like I was the broken one that they didn't want to be around.  

Loneliness sucks.  I never want to be in a relationship or friendship where I feel small and feel like I'm a burden or a bother.  That is a horrible feeling.

I deserve love and even if I sit alone in my loneliness, I could be in a relationship and find myself more alone.  

Egads. I reached out to Frick.  I had a bad week.  Ok to talk to but I gotta keep at least 12 feet away from her. 

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