Monday Malaise

I'm thankful the end of the week will bring a three day weekend.  At least the diva doesn't have to worry about me taking off since I don't have another day until mid-June.  Such a child.  I won't have to deal with their nonsense today. I never want to be in that position again where I open up and get stabbed like that.  

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying that I don't want to ever make a friend.  I didn't think we would be pals, but I thought this was someone who would be an ally.  Now I feel like an enemy and I'm not sure why.  That's how it was at the office. I think things were fine with someone and the next thing I know I'm sitting at a table with two managers and someone making up stories about me.  Tired of the backstabbers.

I'm glad I don't have Sling or I would be on it this morning wiping tears away and getting stressed out.  I would be sad about Joe and my head would want to explode when I see Trump's face.  Trump is right about Don Jr.  Stone cold loser and wow, probably needs a new coke dealer if he thinks Jill Biden is a doctor and there's such a thing as Stage 5 cancer.  Just shut up when you hear someone you don't like has cancer.  Just disgusting.  Go hang out with Jake Tapper.

I was already tearful before I got the news alert about Joe Biden.  I hadn't weighed myself in like 3 weeks, maybe?  Because my sister and brother in-law were here, I thought eh, I'll get back on the train when they go home. I only lost 5 pounds in a few months.  Gained 5 1/2 pounds in 3 weeks.  I did it to myself. It is my fault.  I feel like some ugly fat monster on days like that.  I look at my face on Teams calls and think how fat am I?  I thought maybe being on the Weight Watchers app didn't do much for me.  NO.  I don't do much for me. I didn't handle stress well the last few months and it didn't budge downwards much but I was a little more aware.  When my sister was here, I just gave in. I so badly want my landlord gone and I'm medicating myself with sweets.  I threw out what I had.  We did some grocery shopping and I scanned with the Weight Watchers app to see how many points it was.  Until that scale goes down a certain number I got to use it for now.  There are other apps that can help me track food, but I know I need the tough love. I do have a couple of medical appointments in July and I don't think anything will get said but I'll feel ashamed.  I don't like this situation at all.  I really hated myself after I weighed myself.  I felt disgusted and didn't want to leave the house.  I got over it.  I'm just sad and I hurt and food has been my medication.  Well I got a few months to make a big difference.  It's a number and I get it.  It's an unhealthy number and I want to see the number get smaller.  It's not about getting into a pair of jeans.  It's about being healthier.  I know I can do this. 

It's going to be a better day.  Well, the diva isn't here so that helps.  I got to make this a better day.

I hope it'll be a good day for the good humans.  

 

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