The Invisible Woman Chronicles

I wish my hair cut didn't get cancelled but it's ok.  I'll get it next week.  I just couldn't say Oh, I'll just go back to work. I wasn't feeling ok.  Having an afternoon was a remedy I needed. I have had the brain zaps from going off something I despised.  I didn't feel this way initially but I think it wore off it's welcome and I was happy to end it.  I wasn't happy that I got the brain zaps with it.  Geezus.  I did go off of it cold turkey 20 some years ago when it got implied that I was a weakling for giving into doctors.  Yeah, a reminder not to listen to people and their know it all advice.  I was hoping tapering off would prevent that but I've had a few days where I feel like I get these little shocks and it's making me tired.  It seems better today.  I maybe had one moment but I know it can go on for a few days, even weeks.  I know, I know.  If I started something new, maybe I wouldn't have this.  I've spent t...

I'm still upset about yesterday.  Trust.  My trust got broken.  Kind of knew it was coming. I saw the signs and it went splat in my face yesterday. It would have been nice to have someone my age that I could talk to about the silliness of others. I did enjoy our conversations but now I have to put the iron steel wall up and be indifferent.  I let myself be vulnerable and share.  Well keyboard warriors are the one to watch for and now I have to take extra steps because I sense I'm going to get accused of things.  I kind of saw that with the lurker.  I see that happening with me.   My mom is worried about the new landlords and if the rent will be affordable. I think it'll be ok. I think it might get raised at least $100 or more.  I don't think it'll get raised $500.  We'll manage and if it's over $500 then thanks for thinking of us.  I just can't see that happening.  I have been surprised as yesterday proved right that to me...

 Well, it appears that the two young men who were here first are our new landlords and they would like us to stay.  Not sure what they would like the rent to be for us, but I think it'll be ok.  It's a relief and easier to find ways to make the dollar stretch if I don't have to hire a mover. I made the call I don't want to call for my medical bill.  The person was nice and the tears were less than minimal. I got on a 12 month plan and I think most likely it'll be paid off sooner.  Another relief. Ever hear of rage texting?  Rage driving?  Well, I had a moment of rage messaging and I don't think it'll ever reach that person. If it does?  Oh damn.  I said some things. I tried to erase it but I don't know anymore. I was having anger moments about Cassie before I went to bed last night. Just felt used.  I felt humiliated and embarrassed for thinking she cared when it was more about something she could tell others to lift herself up.  I ...

This humidity really bites.  I get cold, hot, sticky, sweaty, chilled.  It's the humidity.  I got the window open now and it's a little chilly.  I can guarantee if I put a sweatshirt on my back will be wet from sweat.  I already asked my dermatologist how to handle my lip cracking from me drooling from my nightguard.  Don't need to ask how to deal with the sweat.  I did have something for hyperhidrosis?  Is that the correct term?  One doctor gave me a deodorant that worked wonders.  I haven't had the courage to ask for it again.  Once the temps would hit 60 degrees it was usually off with the socks, even as a teen.  My right underarm can get so much sweat that it can fill up Lake Michigan if it ever went dry. I have finally ended something that I was taking since the pandemic.  I didn't for awhile but I went back when the other prescription wasn't working.  I am not feeling the greatest and I know it's some sort of wi...

Don't tell Lois though.  Good gawd.  She would be beside herself if she knew I stepped foot where she lived.   I wasn't in the area for long, just enough to get strawberries at Metro Market.  I had been at my local Pick N' Save and they didn't look so great but since I knew I wouldn't be that far from this store when I got down with my walk, I thought I'd swing by.  Well Mary Jane didn't have to worry about running into me at the store, and if she did, she could have gotten a good laugh with the cool whip that was on the sweatshirt that I had on.  I realized when I walked in what the hell was that on the front of my sweat shirt? I thought oh well, this isn't my neighborhood.  No danger of anyone really running into me except Lois and she would huff off in disgust.  Not sure if it was Cool Whip on the front of my sweatshirt but yes, I changed when I got home!  I have some class.  Kind of. I saw the guy that had the rental on the bloc...

I had to think what day it is.  I got two calendars that are in my room that are off the wall.  We got a calendar in the kitchen and it's off the wall.  It feels weird not to have that back up reminder.  We have boxes of packed stuff. I wouldn't even packed. We found boxes, we threw stuff in it and packed it away.  Now we're not sure if we got to reorganize that packing and get more boxes or if we can unpack.  It really sucks. My mom has a tendency to go down the worse case scenario.  I got to admit it, it's making me more depressed.  Normally I tell her to quit talking like that, but now I just sit in silence because I'm not sure if there is truth to anything she's lamenting about.  I'll admit do people want upstairs tenants or did they want new tenants?  Being blindsided is nothing new to us and I worry about it happening. The diva told me it's a waste for me to worry about my situation.  Where do I begin on that comment?  We...

I thought watching Ellen's old show and it would cheer me up. We didn't get a call from the landlord.  We know there's a process and things may not pan out, but you know, it's not great being in limbo. This bill is upsetting.  I hate making the phone call and asking for a break because I will break down and cry. I tell myself that I'm not going to do it, but it happens.  It's humiliating to admit that you're struggling.  This is the worst time for this to happen when I don't know where I'm going to live because if the future buyer wants to raise the rent too high, I got to go and I don't have a lot of money. I feel like such a failure tonight.  I don't begrudge someone for wanting to sell this duplex and get something else. I just wish the timing is better.  That's life, I guess.   I'll figure it out, but I'm so tired.  

I thought maybe I'd walk around Mayfair Mall and get exercise since I had to make a return.  No, I just wanted to leave. I had done my normal route of picking up a few items that were needed and got a little turned around to find the mall, but I got there. I looked at my emails and I got the email I knew was coming.  My medical bill.  Damn.  $883 and some cents.  I tried to figure out what my payment would be if I put in for 10 months.  It wouldn't let me. I was approved for 5 months at $176 and some cents a month.  Damn again.  I think I paid about $125 a month when I had the shots in my stomach.  There was a number I could call and well, I get to do my favorite thing on Monday.  Make a phone call.  Damn it. If they could at least let me pay $125.  I'd like it to be $50 but I know I'll get laughed at.  What great timing as I wonder if a potential new landlord wants us to stay.  My mom had called me as I stepped into ...

Well we're going to maybe drive around a little and look for signs in case maybe we can't stay here.  We're kind of in this weird limbo now where we don't know what's going to happen.  According to the landlord, he encouraged the buyers to make the rent affordable for us.  I hope he said that.  Did he mean it when someone made the offer?  I'm not sure.  I guess right now everything is in pending mode. I know there's a process.   I got ready for bed early last night. I just wanted to have TV on and not think about life or my future.  My mom asked me if I was ok. I told her I was tired.  I wasn't lying.  My introverted brain gets overloaded when I'm around too many people and I feel like I need a nap after all of that social activity.   I have to make a return at Mayfair mall today.  I'm not paying $7 at UPS.  No thanks.  I hate that I have to make this return.  It's for something that's been hard for me ...

 Our landlord is accepting an offer.  My mom wanted to know but I'm not ready to know who it is.  I'm worried I may not be able to stay and it might not be affordable.  I told Corinne I might be at Motel 6 but it would be better than Cudahy, I guess. We had a few more people come in and Precious didn't run like she would for a couple of young men.  What a tramp, Precious.   I was feeling kind of awful that I didn't save money to buy a house years ago. I'm having a should of, could of, would of moment as a renter now that it's so bad. I fly across the country to chase after love and wound up digging a bigger hole financially.  I thought if I would have booked a flight back to Milwaukee back in 2006, maybe I could have turned my life around after Harold left me at the airport.   I shouldn't beat myself.  I am not blaming anyone other than myself.  I know someone who thinks I put myself in this position and I hate that they're rig...

We stayed put during the open house and met the prospective buyers that came up to see where we lived.  Some seemed nice.  A few seemed not so great.  I got a soft spot for the young woman with the childless cat lady t-shirt.  We started off the day not so great with a surprise text that someone would be at our door and yet the two young guys put in an offer.  They seemed nice and kind of a sweet couple.  I would be thrilled if they got it. Exhausting work showing people our place and multi tasking with my own work.  It was a disorienting day.  My brain feels too stimulated. I hope the good humans have a good day.  I hope I don't get any 9 am surprises.

I'm not talking about Kamala Harris or Ruth Bader Ginsberg.  Is it Ginsberg or Ginsburg?  I'm not sure at the moment. I got a notification of new leadership happening and I saw Irma.  No, she won't be over me.  She'll be managing a different group.  I don't always like the word trigger, but seeing her picture really upset me.  I guess you could say trigger. I really wanted to like Irma at times and I tried.  It always seemed like she would do something to me that would upset me.  I wouldn't say she was a bully but she was offensive and mean.  I guess that is a bully?  How do I describe it? She was doing research on a file and went through someone's social media footprint.  She found pictures of this said person in a thong and she came up to me in front of others and said, "This will be your next boyfriend" and started laughing.  She was a friend of Cassie's who was standing there and found it funny.  I didn't know what to ...

 Today will be the open house.  Not as long as we expected and still too long for us.  This sucks.   He has an interested party coming at 1:00 and one at 4:00.  Then it'll be the open house and we have to leave.  I'm taking my laptop and my cat.  Enough said. My mom goes back and forth with feeling like we're getting evicted.  I am worried about the rent the next person wants to charge.  I might have to get a second job and I'm ok with that.   This is just a lot.  This is going to be a hard day.  

 Apparently that's too much.  Someone wants an expensive farm and we will probably get higher rent. I hate what this is doing to my mom.  She should be able to relax at her age and instead, she's worried about the stove after the incident from this summer.  She's convinced they'll see something scarred when they look at our place. I am cleaning out closets now for the open house tomorrow and for a buyer in the afternoon.  This sucks.  I thought my mom was ok and before I went to bed, she was crying.  She's tired of greedy people. I am too.  We thought we were going to get a storage locker and extra lights.  Instead we feel pushed out or possibly facer higher rent than we can afford.  I hate it too.   I don't ask for much but I don't ask for the shaft.  It's too much for greedy people!  Ugh.  We had hidden a lot in the two closets that we have and I am trying to rearrange or find new places for hiding or storing....

It's probably better than being full of tears.  What a day.  I feel a touch of annoyance too, but it's all rolled in sarcasm. I got the message that there would be an open house for an hour and a half on Thursday between 5 to 6:30 pm. I found the listing on a site that I wouldn't normally look. I was impressed with the pictures.  It didn't look that nice.  No pictures of the inside of the garage or basement.   Mom did see the landlord around noon while I was in a meeting.  I thought great.  He's got someone already.  He didn't come into the duplex.  I saw his truck take off.  I knew he had a sign out front.  I wondered if he listed it on his social media pages. He did.  I know.  Am I spying?  No, not really.  He told us to follow us on his social media pages and at the time I thought, no, I don't want to but I will look from time to time.  He posted this long winding story about the history of him livin...

Welp.  The house has been listed.  I found it this morning.  I laughed at the price and the fact that there were no pictures of the basement.  Smart move.  Looks nicer than what it is.  We made it nice but cleaning up and making sure they got the best pictures.  He did put a mention of two tenants who have lived there for over 15 years.  That surprised me. I had gotten a text that the showing would be one day and only an hour and a half in the evening.  I'm fine with that.  I'm not going anywhere during that time but I'll be nice.  I won't twirl a baton on the front lawn and act stupid.  I'll leave that to my mom. At least we have answers.  Not knowing?  Sucks.  When people don't communicate, your mind is left to wander the worst.  I don't know if we can stay for the amount he's asking but we'll keep looking and maybe there's some hope somewhere.  Somewhere.  My sister was disappointed that there w...

There's one thing I've never really been able to talk about without someone inserting their advice and making me feel bad. Sometimes I feel sad that I never had a baby.  I wanted to be a mom when I was younger.  I wanted to have a sweet little girl that I could love and nurture.  I would have loved to have a little boy who was kind and thoughtful.  I wanted to be a mom.  I wanted a husband who was a good dad and just a good teammate who was there for me in life.  I wanted a family of my own when I was younger. Guess what I would hear if I would admit that out loud?  Having kids isn't everything.  You're better off alone.  It's not what you think it is.  It's not all that.  You had your chance.  Maybe it's your fault.  Well, maybe it is.  Jerks.  Oh my god.  I'm living the life of Carrie Bradshaw over here.  F off people.  I know life is hard.  Can I have that moment of wishing that sometimes l...

I started off my day telling myself it would be a good day.  By the end of the day, I was sobbing.  Yeah.  See this is why you don't tell someone to smile.  You don't know what's on someone's mind.  What they're going through. Not knowing if we can stay or move has sucked.  I thought maybe we could but I really wonder if the landlord wants us out.  We have no place to go.  My mom was crying yesterday and by the time she got on the phone with my cousin, I was sobbing big tears until I went to bed.  I felt depressed and lonely.  Just sad.  This has been hard.   My mom is up and starting with the This is hard because if people are coming through, we don't know what we can pack.  I can't take the idea of an open house this week.  For 8 hours! We can't seem to find the listing online and apparently he doesn't want to talk to us. See, this is why I sobbed big tears after the election.  This is what I feared. ...

 On this Easter, I wish there was someone here for us.  By here for us, I mean locally who would stop in and see how we're doing. Today, the stress of what's happening of us not knowing where we are going to live is getting to my mom.  We had chicken enchiladas today and she forgot the cheese.  It's not a big deal for me and I was apprehensive about the stove.  I saw a light flash up a few weeks ago and if something happened, guess who we would have to call?  Yeah.  I'm not in the mood for that especially when he's not returning my mom's phone call. She's thinking the worst and I'm not sure what to think.  It's painful to see her cry. We have family in Florida.  Our cousin is in the northern part of the state.  Corinne is in the central part of the state.  I just wish there was someone who could stop by and see how we're doing.  Maybe cheer up my mom because I can't do it on my own.  I think I could use some cheering up to...

My right eye doesn't look like a horror show.  Add Differin to the list of things that don't go well with me.  I didn't realize I would get an allergic reaction even though I wasn't putting anything near my eye.  I was so shocked when I read what happened to others who had reactions.  I did feel like I had trouble breathing but I figured that was from stress and well, maybe that was from stress. Well it happens.  Eh, so be it. I think the monster had a marijuana plant downstairs and I was told I'm probably allergic to weed if he's using a plant for smoking.  I had a sinus infection so bad that my eyes were just beaming red and running.  I looked so sad.  Depending on how my year goes, maybe I'll make an appointment and ask if there's something that won't make my eyes blow up.   Still don't want to get my eyebrows waxed.  I'm afraid the wax will set my brows on fire at this point. Live and learn.   I suppose I shouldn't lau...

If there's an Easter Bunny, I'd just like the option to stay in my home and have it be affordable rent.  Is that a lot to ask?  Maybe. My mom had left another message for our landlord about us staying and we've gotten no response. I reminded her he might be out of town with his family for the holiday.  I think he has a place in the northern woods.  Then again, he could be just ignoring us because he wants us to leave.   Anyone else would encourage us to stay because having a long term tenant would be a good selling point.  He will probably encourage the new owner to raise our rent significantly.   He seems to have it in his head that I should be able to afford more rent.  He's not wrong.  If I didn't have my debt, we'd be ok.  Unfortunately, that's something I'm dealing with now and should have dealt with a long time ago.  I'm living with that guilt.  I remember him looking at me when I came back from Mayfair Mall wit...

I had an 8 am appointment for an oil change and I was maybe 1 minute late.  I didn't get a demerit but I hate it when I show up like that.   I just couldn't seem to get my act together this morning. I got up early enough.  I blame my mom.  No, I blame me, but she was up early and we talked about our crappy experience in Cudahy yesterday.  Corinne had sent me a rental not too far from me for a super low price.  I looked up the address and found out it just sold. Then I looked up scams on Facebook marketplace.  Yeah.  Thanks, Corinne.  It's a scam.  Even I didn't realize how bad it was.   That wasn't the reason I was late.  I just seem to stall.  I figured I could make it when I hurried out at 7:32 and pulled out of the garage.  I was doing ok until I realized I had to exit off the freeway because I wasn't int the right lane.  Damn it. I followed someone else who probably did the same thing and got back o...

 Well what a way to end the week by looking at a place during a flash flood alert on an early Friday morning. I was hoping that this would be a bright spot in our quest for new living quarters.   It wasn't.  It sucked.  I became irritated right off the bat with the woman showing us the model apartment by how she talked to my mom.  Condescending and rude. I knew my mom was sizing up space and trying to figure out how all our furniture fit.  We went our merry way and decided that it was a no.  I pulled over at one point because the rain was coming down so hard and we talked about trying to make it work with a new owner.  My mom left a message for our current landlord. I dread his return phone call.  I'm so tired of the condescension from everyone.  I just want a break from all of this for the weekend.  Start fresh with the insanity on Monday.  I was relieved I didn't have to take the time I did to look at this place.  I...

I'm afraid the diva hit a nerve with telling me how to feel. I think people are going to have bad days.  They're going to have rough moments and sometimes life is a struggle.  Telling someone how to feel just really irks me.   Years ago, I had a job where people were really mean if you made a mistake.  I had one executive say God damn it, how stupid are you?  Well, wasn't the first time I heard it. I had forgotten to do something and my manger said How stupid are you?  That just hit me hard that day. I went home for lunch and cried.  It was kind of a cruel thing to say.  When I came back from lunch, I felt better.  I ran into an IT person who saw me step on the elevator and noticed I looked sad.  He probably saw the red puffy eyes and he asked me how my day was going and I said not so great.   He then asked me if I had cancer and I said no.  He asked me if I had bad health and I said no.  He told me to consider m...

Believe it or not, the red eye isn't from crying.  I kind of think this gel that I took to help me with these stupid bumps is causing an allergic reaction.  I'm not really sure.  Second day in a row I was a little red around my right eye.  I didn't use it last night after I saw how red around the eye I was.  Damn. I was hoping that would work.  Now isn't the time to go back for another appointment when knowing where I'm going to live is a big F ing issue. I hope this place tomorrow is the place for us.  I felt kind of depressed looking at it and I don't know why.  It does seem nice.  I think things are moving way too fast and I felt like this was our last resort.  It is in a way.  We will have to sell the washer and dryer fast.   When I woke up this morning, I felt better. I liked the idea I actually won't be that far from my old neighborhood in Bay View.  I liked the idea that I do actually feel safer in that neighbo...

People wonder why I'm so standoffish about some things or opening up.  Well this morning was a prime example of why I just don't discuss personal stuff because people's comments piss me off. I was feeling kind of feeling bad for well feeling sort of annoyed with the diva. I had a frustrated moment last week and I admitted what I was going through.  She was sympathetic and kind.  I felt kind of annoyed with comments they made on Tuesday that seemed a little bossy and uncalled for but I ignored it.  I felt really pissed off when I saw that they avoided something difficult and guess who handled it?  Me.  The excuse I saw was familiar and I wasn't happy. So I wasn't real happy to hear from the diva.  They wanted to know if I was feeling better.  I said NO.  They know my living situation and health scare.  I got lectured about worrying about things I can't change and advice I didn't ask for.  I politely told this person this is a stressf...

My new life, I guess.  We found boxes at a Dollar Tree not too far from our neighborhood thanks to a tip from a clerk at our neighborhood one.  He said that store didn't have a compactor so they had a special dumpster just for the boxes.  Thanks, Dollar Tree dude.  We did find some for free. Yesterday, someone called for a place in Wauwatosa. I don't remember looking at it online. I don't remember inquiring about it.  I did agree to an appointment but I am cancelling it.  Something seems off and my mom found one advertisement that an application fee would be $40 a person. Damn it.  The application fees alone are killing me.  I got to come up with $50 on Friday.  I can't do this.  I told my mom normally I fill up the car with gas maybe every 3 to 4 weeks and I'm not making it 2 weeks.  She apologized and I said why?  We have to look for something.  The landlord put us in this fix.  Unless some nice person comes in and ...

I had my mom snap at me last night.  I was in that bad of a mood.  Sorry, mom.  I was an a-hole last night. I think she understood after I apologized.  It was the effects of the Great Fava. While I worked, my mom joked we would go move into the monster's neighborhood and he thought it was funny.  Glad he finds it's funny that he's displacing us and lying to us.  Glad he can have a farm while we're in this nightmare insecurity hell he put us in.   I'm worried that we're putting all of our eggs in a basket with this place in Cudahy.  I am hoping it is really good and we can move in.  I'm worried about moving in the next 2 weeks.  It would help if it was 6 weeks.  I can't get ready in that amount of time.  I just can't but I can if it needs to be that. I hate the fact that we got to pay money for an application if we really like it.  I worry about not getting accepted.  I'm like 2 points away from a really good scor...

Yeah.  Great day.  Sigh.   Landlord was overly confident about selling the house.  He took the pictures or had someone take them.  It was like a special photo shoot. Then the issue of the open house.  He'll be doing one next week Thursday and Friday all day and my mom asked me if I could take off.  NO. I wasn't rude when I answered. I said I've taken off enough already.  I thought this is bullshit.  I got to get kicked out and fall farther behind while someone sells our home?  No.  He can sell it while I'm here.  I'm not making it easy.  I was nice and gracious.  I'll be the same next week.  This isn't fair.  I know life isn't fair but I've had enough of me being kicked.  I've had a total of 6 days off and none of them were really enjoyable because I was stressed out because of my living situation.   I am hoping that this place we see on Friday is a winner.  Yeah.  I am scared....

Didn't like it in school and I'm not looking forward to it this afternoon.  I'll be glad when it's over. Last night, when I looked to see if the landlord and his wife was gone, he actually happened to be looking up at the same time as I looked out.  Great. I walked away immediately.  I had just walked into the room and turned around when I realized we just made eye contact.  I was not being a snoop.  Yes, I was technically.  Just wanted to know if they finally left.  They did.  Thank god. It's weird to wake up and see everything that was in my room either packed up, hidden in a closet or under my bed.  I feel like I'm in a hotel and also in a nightmare. I will go along with what he is doing.  I hate this.  My mom is on the fence about sticking around.  I told her I would understand. I have no choice but I think she might feel bad leaving me alone and maybe wants to see what's happening.  I don't look forward to his lecture...

 I could hear the landlord's kids running wild downstairs.  They were in the monster's bedroom.  Is that really sanitary?  It was kind of like little earthquakes and surprised that he had them here.  I wouldn't think that anyone would be able to get work done.  I think some of the pictures were shaking in our place.  Four little ones? Yeah.  They're going to go wild.   I could hear a man's voice yelling and then quiet for a minute. Back to the crazy.  It went on for a couple of hours.  Then I heard the words "spanking" and even I got quiet.  I thought are you kidding me?  It didn't deter the kids.  They kept going and it made me cringe like what am I going to hear next?  I heard get in the car NOW. Do I think he hits the kids?  Yeah, I do.  Years ago, spanking was normal and I hated it.  It was kind of regular for all of us back then.  Then things changed that it wasn't a good idea. ...

Lucky us.  He's here.  The Great Fava. My mom had me send a text message about what time they were going to have his photography shoot.  It'll be at 3:00 pm. I received a cordial text.  I guess there was no harm in asking since my work time will be interrupted and I was worried he would do it while I was on the one call I had to take in the morning. We came back from grocery shopping and who should be parked out front?  The Great Fava.  He has been working downstairs again.  I noticed the smell of paint.  I wonder if we are fortunate enough to get out if he'll paint our place and hide the fact that he hasn't done much of anything other than put a patch on the problems that have occurred here. My mom wants to go for a walk to the store when he's here and I told her that's fine.  She had to talk to him a few times so I guess it's my turn.  I won't say much other than exchange pleasantries and I have a good excuse.  I need to work!...

 I am not looking forward to tomorrow.  I have missed some days in the last two weeks and I got to hit the ground running with work and start gaining ground on my tasks that I need to get done.  Then I got to deal with Mr. Rude bringing in someone to take pictures of my home for the last 16 years so he can sell it to someone to raise the price to a ridiculous amount. I don't like that guy.  Have I said that lately?  I would like it if a private owner did come in and didn't raise it as much.  I could live with that.  Years ago we had a landlord that did sell it but he wanted a full house.  We had an upper and lower and there was an upstairs neighbor that lived in the building.  I think this landlord worries about the truth coming out if we're here.   After he left last night, I went out and checked for the mail.  He didn't pick up anything the monster left on the porch and the garage still looks like garbage.  Obviously he'...