A Wish for the Easter Bunny

If there's an Easter Bunny, I'd just like the option to stay in my home and have it be affordable rent.  Is that a lot to ask?  Maybe.

My mom had left another message for our landlord about us staying and we've gotten no response. I reminded her he might be out of town with his family for the holiday.  I think he has a place in the northern woods.  Then again, he could be just ignoring us because he wants us to leave.  

Anyone else would encourage us to stay because having a long term tenant would be a good selling point.  He will probably encourage the new owner to raise our rent significantly.  

He seems to have it in his head that I should be able to afford more rent.  He's not wrong.  If I didn't have my debt, we'd be ok.  Unfortunately, that's something I'm dealing with now and should have dealt with a long time ago.  I'm living with that guilt.  I remember him looking at me when I came back from Mayfair Mall with bags from shopping.  One Saturday morning seemed to define me.  Chances are, I got a pair of shoes from Macys and some make up.  Maybe I made a trip to the Aveda store.  I also picked up groceries when I went out in the mornings too.  That just frustrates me that he looked at us that way.  I don't even go to any malls period.  I was at Bayshore Mall but that's to go to Target.  Considering how they changed vehicles all the time, should I have been rolling my eyes and looking at them funny? 

Yeah, I am blaming myself for this situation. I told my mom if it went up to 1200 we could do it.  She worried about it affecting me with my own debt.  I said that's on me.  I can make up the difference.  This is my challenge and I'm the one that should have done better.  I know I have been dealing with medical debt for 10 years but still. It's on me.  

We are going to drive by one place of interest this afternoon but that's it.  I told her I just want a break for the day. I know we got to clean up and make this place look presentable for the open house this week.  

I didn't stop for my Starbucks.  I got myself a salad at Panera.  My mood has been so up and down with nerves that my eating has been erratic and just plain bad.  It's my goal just to go walk that hill and walk and walk.  Hopefully I can do more walking and less driving around for new neighborhoods that have rentals.

I don't want to leave.  I really don't.  If it was anyone else, they would have encouraged us to stay to help them sell.  We worry he will encourage the new person to raise it high as a selling point.  What a bad human.

I am going to take this Easter Sunday as a day to be grateful that I'm here and I'm ok.  

I hope whatever holiday people celebrate, whether it's Easter Sunday or Passover, is a day of peace and love and a moment to be grateful.

I don't want to focus on fear. I want to focus on being grateful today.  Things will work out.  Being in limbo is just an uneasy feeling.

I hope the good humans have a good day.  

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