The Woman who pushes until she gets what she wants

I'm not talking about Kamala Harris or Ruth Bader Ginsberg.  Is it Ginsberg or Ginsburg?  I'm not sure at the moment.

I got a notification of new leadership happening and I saw Irma.  No, she won't be over me.  She'll be managing a different group.  I don't always like the word trigger, but seeing her picture really upset me.  I guess you could say trigger.

I really wanted to like Irma at times and I tried.  It always seemed like she would do something to me that would upset me.  I wouldn't say she was a bully but she was offensive and mean.  I guess that is a bully?  How do I describe it?

She was doing research on a file and went through someone's social media footprint.  She found pictures of this said person in a thong and she came up to me in front of others and said, "This will be your next boyfriend" and started laughing.  She was a friend of Cassie's who was standing there and found it funny.  I didn't know what to say other than I thought it was disgusting and hurtful.

I felt bad when others made fun of her teeth.  She got them fixed, but still it's just mean.  Being someone who's been mocked for their looks can empathize no matter your feelings towards them.

Then I'd have an incident where she would come up to me and say I can't wear jeans like that.  I'm a mom and moms go through a lot with their bodies.  What?  I have never been rail thin.  I found a store that had jeans that worked with me and they were flattering.  I thought what has that got to do with anything?  I wasn't strutting my stuff around the office. I happened to be working in the back part of our department working on closed files when she approached me.  I thought was I getting insulted for not being a mom?  I didn't know how to take her.

I still wanted to like her.  I liked Cassie and they seemed to get along ok. I got invited to sit with Irma and Cassie when we had a food day.  Irma seemed nice when she talked about her mother in-law and other family members. I couldn't really talk because she kind of monopolized the conversation, but I was ok.  I didn't know what to say to her.

Irma worked with Barry as his paralegal and when I would drop his mail off, we would sometimes talk about things going on in our lives or he'd ask me questions about work I was doing.  On more than one occasion, Irma would come into his office, sit down in front of him and start talking about herself while I stood there, not knowing what to say. I usually walked out and let them speak. I figured my time was over.  It was more than one occasion.

There was a period of time where I didn't work with Barry but I filled in when his assistant had to be out on medical leave.  He wanted me to join the others in a group lunch at Christmas.  I told him I couldn't but he insisted.  I found out from one of the other assistants that Irma had asked her if she would give money for a Christmas present.  There were three attorneys including Barry who were taking us out for lunch.  Irma bought them each a bottle of wine.  Oh my god.  I said I don't have any money and I didn't work with the other two.  So Irma made it more fun by giving them the bottles of wine and saying it was from the three of us.  I corrected that with Barry later.  

When Barry left, I did get him a going away gift.  I got him a gift certificate from Discount Liquor.  He loved his liquor.  I'm not the type that will say He or She has more money than me!  Blah blah blah, I'm poor!  I have no problem buying a gift for anyone whether they're more economically advantaged than I am.  Well I'm not flowing in the cash but I don't like someone doing that to me in a situation and then making it more awkward.  I felt like I got shook down and even though I didn't give, I got embarrassed.

Months after that incident, there was a situation where our teams would be changing.  Barry wanted me working with him and expressed an interest.  He would have to give up Irma but he was more than happy to take Cassie on our team.  I had Cassie come up to me to tell me how Barry wanted me back and Irma wasn't happy about it.  They both insinuated how he must really like me.

First up, F off on that insinuation.  I worked with Barry for about 9 years.  Try more like brother and sister, you weirdos.  It's a rare thing when people have each other's backs and we did.  I wasn't the one trying to feed him cake at a celebration and teasing that we could pretend we were married.  Hey, weirdos, I was the one sitting across from him giving him a dirty look that said Your wife might not approve, jackass.  I loved Barry's wife.   His daughters were adorable. She's awesome and to see Irma shaking her money makers at him made me sick.  Barry was a decent guy and he seemed kind of overwhelmed with the attention and awkward.  Let's not get it twisted, people on your perversion. I also wasn't the one who went out drinking with him during work hours either like Irma did.  I thought maybe I'd get into trouble.

Things really didn't get bad until we had the managing attorney that took a shine to Irma.  She favored Irma.  Irma was the back up manager when our manager was out.  We generally didn't listen to her because she didn't know what she was talking about.

Irma seemed fixated on trying to flirt with me and it was kind of foul too.  She would follow me around and ask me if I would cuddle with her.  I said no many times and she would laugh.  She came to work one day with these ugly leggings on and asked me if I would touch her butt.  HELL NO!  I even mentioned it to the managing attorney at the time who ignored me and told Irma her butt looked perfect.  Gross.

It was just the silliest stuff that she would push her way with you. I rarely ate lunch at work.  I would maybe have snacks because people were gross with the fridge or microwave.  There was one day where I was going to heat something up and as I was walking down the hallway towards the fridge, Irma ran past me to get to the microwave and laughed.  I walked away and muttered grow up.  

Fast forward to my health diagnosis.  My manager was out on her own leave and the managing attorney asked me if I would reach out to Irma and Frick for help while I was out so I did.  I didn't think anything bad would happen.  Well I was wrong.

The Monday before my surgery, I sent Irma an email for helping me out with Lois.  I thanked her and told her a few things.  

The next day, I received an email from the managing attorney asking me what I was doing about my work.  She sent this condescending message to me about how I expect my work to be tied up in a neat little bow and that I should just worry about getting better and not bother others.  It was kind of mean.  

I knew what had happened.  Irma went to her and complained.  She accused me of dumping on her.  I showed the email to Frick and she said that's probably what happened.  I approached Irma about it and apologized.  I said I was told to approach you for when I was out on leave.  I said I can't help being out on leave.  She snapped at me about how much work she had and that she was covering for our manager.

I was in tears when I got back to my desk.  I sent an email to the managing attorney and reminded her that she was the one that told her to reach out to Irma and how Irma snapped at me.  I apologized and said I don't expect anything.

I went outside and started crying in the parking lot with Frick. I felt like I was being terrorized by mean girls.  I hated this.  I had wished I hadn't come back for a few days to do my work. I should have taken my leave then.

Then I get another email from the managing attorney telling me that she told Irma to be more cooperative and that she hadn't told Irma what was wrong with me but that I was dealing with a serious illness.

She told Irma I had cancer.  She lied to me.  

Then I got besieged with messages from Irma about how she'll be there for me and she gave me her email address, her phone number, everything.

She complained about me and stabbed me in the back.  Now she wanted to be my best friend?  That's a hard NO! 

Frick was standing over and reading this.  She said don't answer her.  I just said I'm fine.  Thank you for your concern.  I wanted her to go away.  She knew now and she was going to throw it in my face at some point.

She did on the first day I returned.  She kept messaging me and I was polite.  She mentioned her mother having the same illness.  I wasn't going to acknowledge anything. I just kept trying to find a way to say thanks for covering.  She ended her conversation to let me know that they did just fine without me.

I didn't think the building was going to burn down if I left for a few days or a few weeks. I don't have that ego.  I knew from Barry that anytime I left, I could count on him to stand in my cubicle and ask me not to take off of work again because someone yelled at him.  Barry was pretty low maintenance so that's bad. I knew that comment was meant to hurt me.  I expected it.  It didn't hurt me.  It just reminded me that she had to hit someone at their lowest.  I expected it! 

When I would leave for radiation treatment and see her in the hallway, she would smile at me like she knew where I was going.  

Time moved on and she found new ways to annoy and belittle me.  

We had way too many events in order for us to be more social and engaged and be more productive.  It didn't help.  It made some of us more resentful towards spending time with each other.  When Irma was leading the charge to have a special day for the attorneys, she shook the entire group down for $7 to have some cups engraved for them.  She was leading our meeting and told us how our managing attorney spent money out of her pocket for our admins day and how we should give back.

First up, don't do that anymore.  I like admins day.  You know what I like more?  Treat people nice 365 days a year. I didn't ask for extra thrills.  Want to get me a burger?  Great.  Thank you.  I didn't ask for a parade so don't guilt me for something else.

Irma expected us to give money for our managers as well at Christmas time.  That made me hate the holidays.  She would remind us of how much they do for us.  You felt like you got shook down all the time by her for money.

It was an incident that Irma and I had at a four way stop that really set me off.  She rolled through a four way and almost side swiped me.  She was laughing when I came back after she sped down the hill and parked. I said that's not funny.  I yelled it and slammed my stuff back on my desk. I was furious.  It's like what do we do with all day and she does this crap?  She sent me a message and apologized.  Then she mentioned that she knew all about my anxiety.

Oh that was nice. I got asked by the managing attorney about taking meds with my cancer diagnosis and I said I take something for anxiety.  How come I didn't report anyone?  I don't know.  I didn't respond.  I was furious.  Here we go again.  Bringing up my health.

About a month after the incident, I heard Irma talk to someone about getting out of a speeding ticket.  She said I really don't care how fast I was going.  I thought well, that's who you really are.  You don't care.  Anytime I saw her in the parking lot, I wouldn't go out walking until she parked her car.  She asked is my driving that bad? I said yes and would walk off.

It was shortly before Covid when I had a meeting with my manager and talked about Irma invading my privacy.  It had been five years since my cancer diagnosis and I was still getting jabs about "my health".  I said she can stay out of my business and if I want to tell her anything?  Leave me alone!  

Irma did get a talking to after I said something.  She came out of the office and was indignant.  Irma tries to present herself as someone caring and wants to help.  It's wanting to get information and to use it against you to make you feel inferior. I had years of being around Irma to know that she wanted to be the best, the prettiest and the most wonderful.  She was uber competitive and I'm not the only one that had issues with her.

It was a relief not to be around her anymore.  It was just a relief not to see her.  Anytime she led a meeting, she talked about herself and only herself.  

When I say that I protect privacy, this is a glaring example of why my life is not anyone's business.  If I'm dating someone?  Nobody's business. I will protect that person to the ninth degree.  Want to say something about my mom?  Better shut up or I'll make you shut up.  Not really, but you get the point.

Cassie sent me pictures of Irma partying at bars during the worse of Covid.  It was disgusting.  I saw that Cassie reconnected with her so you know, so be it.  It tells me a lot about someone's character when they have no disregard for others.  

When Irma had a surgery a few years after mine, she asked me about shows to watch when she's off and I actually did give her some recommendations.  When she came back, she thanked me for them and said You know I'm not that person who sits around and watches TV like you do.  This was different for me.  Well, isn't that not passive aggressive?  Whatever.

People should have been reported after what happened with me.  If there's any mention of it again by Irma, there will be a phone call made. I think it worried the managing attorney about the harassment that happened with me because she was super nice to me until she left.  

Irma didn't have good intentions. Tearing down women was a sport.  She would deny it, but being the center of attention was all she was interested in.  She had to rub it in people's faces when she would get flowers or an expensive gift.  Her marriage didn't last and she kind of kept it secret.  She was known for eavesdropping but yet when it was her?  Nobody's business.    I see that she will be getting married again. I know with her, it will have to be the best.  She will have to brag to make everyone else feel bad.

I'll always associate Irma as the one who tried to make me feel inferior because I had cancer.

Sigh.