Can't Fake it until I make it

I started off my day telling myself it would be a good day.  By the end of the day, I was sobbing.  Yeah.  See this is why you don't tell someone to smile.  You don't know what's on someone's mind.  What they're going through.

Not knowing if we can stay or move has sucked.  I thought maybe we could but I really wonder if the landlord wants us out.  We have no place to go.  My mom was crying yesterday and by the time she got on the phone with my cousin, I was sobbing big tears until I went to bed.  I felt depressed and lonely.  Just sad.  This has been hard.  

My mom is up and starting with the This is hard because if people are coming through, we don't know what we can pack.  I can't take the idea of an open house this week.  For 8 hours! We can't seem to find the listing online and apparently he doesn't want to talk to us.

See, this is why I sobbed big tears after the election.  This is what I feared.  It's ok to do shitty things to people because well, look who's in charge now.  I didn't think it would end if the election turned the other way but it seems like in some ways people have become more openly rude.  

I don't want to feel like this.  I want to feel happiness and joy. I want to be excited about the day.  I don't want to live in fear.

I wish I could help how I feel but I can't.  I just can't.

Yeah, this is a random blog post I hope nobody reads because it's too depressing.  

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