Disappointed and Hurt

I'm still upset about yesterday.  Trust.  My trust got broken.  Kind of knew it was coming. I saw the signs and it went splat in my face yesterday.

It would have been nice to have someone my age that I could talk to about the silliness of others. I did enjoy our conversations but now I have to put the iron steel wall up and be indifferent.  I let myself be vulnerable and share.  Well keyboard warriors are the one to watch for and now I have to take extra steps because I sense I'm going to get accused of things.  I kind of saw that with the lurker.  I see that happening with me.  

My mom is worried about the new landlords and if the rent will be affordable. I think it'll be ok. I think it might get raised at least $100 or more.  I don't think it'll get raised $500.  We'll manage and if it's over $500 then thanks for thinking of us.  I just can't see that happening.  I have been surprised as yesterday proved right that to me.

It's warmer and I'm not ready for the warm weather.  I think my anger made me more sweatier.  

I want to trust people. I want it to be ok to be vulnerable but even if I let a little bit down, then bam!  

When I thought I had a boyfriend years ago, aka the tongue bandit, one of our mutual friends laid into me about being a poker face. I don't wear my emotions openly. I thought I did.  I got lectured how this was my fault.

I have to remind myself that our friend Karl was 21.  I was 17.  He was dating a 14 year old girl at the time.  Yeah.  Karl shouldn't have been lecturing anyone at the time about what guys like.  He told me I didn't wear my vulnerability openly.  I think that was far from the truth.  If I had realized the absurdity of being lectured by him, I should have asked if I should have shaved 3 years off of my age.  Oh well. Live and learn.

I got my hair cut cancelled.  I can go next week when my sister and brother in-law are here. I know they'll be on the go and that's not an all day event.  I guess.  Depending on the student.  I promised my mom I would take her to Dollar Tree for stock up when I finish this morning and I'm just taking off. I need a break from the madness.  I'm going to go to my spot, go for a walk and get a Starbucks.

People suck.  I need a cold drink from Starbucks.

I hope the good humans have a good day.  I'm going to go find my shield. 

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