The Invisible Woman Chronicles

Well I dread to see what awaits me.  I have a feeling I got a message from the diva with a put down.  Not today. I heard from Corinne last night.  I know her and her husband are busy with the farm. I don't think they've travelled much this summer.  I saw pictures with them and the dogs and the new addition.  I'm glad that they're enjoying the retired life.   It seems that Charlie had an in office day.  He's already gone and I think Jeremy leaves later in the morning.  I kind of wanted to go out and bring the kitty litter in that was sitting in the trunk of my car but I feel like I would have interrupted the work that Charlie was doing.  He would have been ok with it and apologetic and that would have made me feel bad.  I was hoping that I could talk to Charlie more because when he talks he's really interesting but I think he's just shy and awkward.  I can relate.  He doesn't have to worry with me. I'll say it again. I wish...

This morning I was going to turn left when I got the green arrow on Miller Parkway which is a busy intersection.  I was about halfway into the intersection when a car from the opposite direction decided to go and cut in front of me and passed. I thought have I lost my mind?  Did I not get the direction right?  I saw the green jeep behind me in the intersection as well so they had the same idea that I did. I don't think I was wrong. I think someone blew through a red light. I don't mind driving and I actually like to get out on the freeway and listen to a podcast or music or my latest Audible book.  I really dread if I ever have to go to our corporate headquarters.  I'm not totally there on feeling ok about driving on the freeway some days.  I took mostly city streets on the way home. I got home quick enough and I get to see how pretty our city can be going through some of the neighborhoods. For people who think it's funny to do as they please as it comes to...

I already feel the anxiety of a two day work week.  It probably didn't help me watch the Tylenol murders on Netflix.  Way to relax on a hot Sunday!  I remembered that story as a kid.  I blame Johnson & Johnson for that one.  It was good.  The guy they suspected was creepy as hell.  He belonged on a Dateline mystery.  Maybe he was on one.  He's deceased now so I guess this is all a moot point. I pulled my curtains to cool things off in my room.  Part of it is so I don't peek out the window to see if Charlie is planting anything.  I'll see it when I see it.  It's amazing that if I looked out my window it was to see what the monster was doing now.  And now?  It's to see how nice Charlie is making the yard.  I feel like such a Gladys right now. I do have anxiety about work.  I don't know if the problem I was working on got resolved.  I always hate it when people do decide to help, they make themselves o...

I did make it to the east side.  I didn't walk the hill.  I wanted to get out of the house before it got too hot. As I left this morning, I took out the garbage before I got into the garage and pulled out.  Turns out Charlie had the same idea with the garbage. I gave him a wave and drove off.  He's so shy.  I wish he understood how much him and Jeremy being here has improved our lives. I kind of think he saw me when I came back and went inside.  Looked like he was going to maybe plant something?  I don't know.  I'm used to the yard looking like a forest.  It's all new and fascinating for me.  I wound up watching a documentary when I got home, Surviving Ohio State. Not a great bedtime documentary.  I understood the subject matter somewhat.  I am more than disgusted after seeing what happened to those poor athletes.  I learned that it was the gymnasts coming forward that struck the urge to finally come forward.  And oh,...

 So for today's interlude, this one involves walking in the rain with my person.  He kind of finds it amusing that I don't walk around sprinklers.  I embrace getting wet.  This time he has an umbrella that covers the both of us and has a protective arm around me. We're not at that stage where maybe we look at each other and realize that there's something there.  We're friends and there's a comfort and warmth that we feel by just being under that umbrella and feeling safe with that person who brings a smile to your face. It's just a joyful moment.  

My walk did not happen today. I forgot that a bike race was going on.  Just didn't seem to be my morning.  Traffic was backed up when I headed to the east side and I couldn't get off the exit I wanted to so it took me a little longer to get to my normal walking spot.  Well it appears it just wasn't happening for me today and tomorrow it'll be a little too hot.  See you in a few days Lake Michigan.  Until mid-week.   I don't think I'll be able to lose about 40 pounds before Wednesday, will I?  Yeah .  No.  That's not happening.  Sigh.  I dread this one.  Lovely people and lovely view which makes me feel like I'm just not good enough for the space.   Weight gain really does a number on you emotionally.  I want to go to an appointment for once and have them take a second look at my chart and say Oh, I wasn't sure if it was the same person.  Magical thinking.  Not a good idea to lose weight too fast....

Of course I turned into a puddle of tears when I saw that President Biden visited Minnesota State Rep John Hoffman and his family in the hospital.  Then the picture of him kneeling at the memorial for the Hortmans.  Joe Biden is a good man.  Say what you want to say about him, but he's a good human and god bless him for just showing up as Joe.  He doesn't make grand declarations, he just shows up. I love the video of him when he met with the Parkland family survivors and the young boy with Kawasaki syndrome ran up to him for a hug.  Or how he comforted Meghan McCain over her father's brain cancer.  Meghan McCain sucks, by the way.   Kindness isn't a weakness.  It's a strength and people should appreciate it more in life and they don't.  It's about stepping on others and getting ahead.  Me me me.  It bothers me more that people think Trump's behavior is ok because it doesn't affect their lives.  It may. Stay tuned! ...

Most of the time, when someone helps me, it comes with a reminder that they did me such a great deed that they will never let me forget it and remind me all the time.  It's the rare person that doesn't. With Lois, she gave me her Rice Krispies treat bar after one of her attorney seminars.  I love a good sugar buzz and thanked her.  Then when she wanted to dump a bunch of work one me that needed to get out in 20 minutes, I probably had a Are you kidding me face?  She said You know, I gave you a rice krispies bar.  Hey, I can get diabetes all by myself, thank you very much. My ex that got me the ridiculous CD player never let me hear the end of it.  I got a nice Christmas present.  I did earn it listening to him.  I didn't appreciate others telling him that he was doing too much for me when I'm driving him around town and he has his own car.  I almost dumped it on his door step but my friend Josh reminded me that was combat pay for his cheating...

 Next week I'll only have to work two days and not be around vipers or divas.  My mom would like to go to a few thrift stores and I'll be happy to be her driver.  She's way nicer than what I'm dealing with these days. I woke up at 3 am to use the bathroom and I couldn't go back to sleep because I was feeling pretty mad.  I don't expect squat from anyone or expect them to praise me.  I thought why did I comfort the diva when she was so tearful?  I should have just said Oh, today will get better and ended it there.  Empathy might be my superpower but it's also used by others to play me.  Sigh. I looked at her social media.  It's definitely all about her with the face tune, massive make up, look at me, look at me I'm so wonderful.  Why should any of this stepping on me stuff surprise me?  She's got to be the center of attention.  Not surprised. I have a meeting later today. I know nobody likes one on a late Friday but it's about p...

 It was mid-day when things became annoying.  I was hoping to maybe pick up a few tasks that were a little easier to get done and knocked out of the way and I noticed that they were taken out.   It's fine.  I took a look to see who was working on the easier tasks.  It was the lurker.  There is a fixation amongst those who are part of my daily word that it's all about the highest numbers.  Who has the best numbers?  It's not about quality.  I guess I worry some days because I don't know if I'll have enough to do.  I do, but I wind up putting stuff in my name and I think I add more pressure to myself because I feel like stuff is going to get taken away.  I don't know.  I'm more concerned about getting something scheduled before someone goes on vacation or making sure someone doesn't have to travel if someone doesn't confirm an appointment.  Of course I want high numbers.  I also don't want to step on other people a...

 I have TMJ so most mornings I need to take something from my jaw being clenched.  Even in my sleep.  This morning, I had a whopper of a headache when I got up at 4.  It felt like maybe it was sinus related.  I didn't even care if the Excedrin kept me up.  It didn't.  I felt relief and that's all that I needed.  I still feel it a bit so maybe it's weather related.  My head hurts from everything I guess.   Looks like Charlie left for work before 6.  I don't envy him driving that far to work.  If he can work from home most of the time, I guess it's not so bad.  My mom worried about making noise because he was working from home yesterday.  Well most people are used to a little noise.  It's not like she's going to river dance.  I was a little more mindful about opening and closing doors.  With the monster, I didn't give a damn because I knew he wasn't working.  I was used to dogs barking for almos...

Glad I had an afternoon off even if it means more emails, more problems.  I felt pretty overwhelmed and frustrated with people.  Not all.  Just some.  I was hoping I could see the solar lights when I came home but I don't know if the guys have it set up yet.  It looks pretty so I look forward to seeing more light.  I can't remember the last time I came home late.  Oh wait. I can.  It's when I took my mom to the ER after she fell in the basement. I had left the yard light on while we went out in the pouring rain.  The monster turned the light off.  Control freak. It appears I have lost the last bottle of cream that helps me with my eczema.  I have a horrible itch from the fabric of these pjs on my chest and  I got a nice welt.  Thanks Great Fava.  I forgot to ask about it at my last appointment so not sure if I can get a refill or if I'll need to make an appointment.  Maybe I'll find it but it seems like ever sinc...

I just got home from getting my hair cut.  Rare thing for me to be out after 6.  It was a nice night for a drive home. I took Wisconsin Avenue.  I'm afraid Greenfield didn't look like such a hot way to go home at this hour.  I was hoping I had more time to stop at the new grocery store for another watermelon but welp.  That's ok. It was ok that I had the afternoon off.  I cover two areas where most cover one.  I struggle with one in particular.  Mostly because the other area takes up a lot of my time.  I get some help but it's with the easy stuff.  It's not with the scheduling so much which I suspect gets forced upon others.  During our weekly conversation, I just felt sad when I listened to the others talk about easier areas that they love to cover while I feel like I sit on an island by myself. I wish I could take the easy way.  I'm not really sitting on an island.  That would be too nice.  I'm sitting in the desert...

 I ordered a few shirts from Kohls that seemed to look more presentable than my cat t-shirts or my Gen X raised on hose water and neglect shirt.  Great shirt.  Probably looks insulting to my mom.   I wasn't neglected.  She just knew that the hose water would be a good baby sitter.  Don't judge her. The shirt that I got was a nice green but the gold on it made me think I should go to a disco.  Sigh.  I'm keeping it.  Maybe it won't look so bad on, but it might be a good shirt to wear on call where my camera is on.  For me it's a luxury to be at home so I can at least look more presentable than my standard t-shirts or hoodies.  Yeah. I am kind of tired of my wardrobe a bit.  I do have nice dress clothes but welp.  Weight gain took care of that.   I have a hair cut later tonight or early evening.  I had it for this afternoon but they cancelled.  I was going to do it on my day off next Thursday and the...

My mom didn't want to go back to the food pantry the other week because she said when she sat and waited, someone put their bag on a chair so she couldn't sit by him.  She had talked to the man the week before and he kind of looked at her funny.  Made her feel weird and she didn't want to go back.  I said people can be rude.  Really.  It's them. I explained what happened to me taking the bus to college.  Depending on what time of day I had to wait, I would maybe have to wait for a second bus because the first bus was full.  Sometimes both buses were full of students and I would have to stand on the bus and hold onto the handle.  Lots of times people wouldn't give up their seats and that was really annoying.   There was a day that my friend Josh and I waited and had to get on the second bus and stand.  It sucked.  Driving on the freeway and going around turns is hard when you're carrying a back pack of books and you're tired fro...

The guys took maybe an hour and a half with their movers.  They were organized.  That did not happen with us and we lived a lot closer to this place.  It took about six hours because we had lazy movers.  My mom thought she saw Charlie and Jeremy trying to help the movers but she wasn't sure.  Yeah.  That would sound about right.  I stayed in during lunch and didn't leave until I finished tonight.  I saw Jeremy coming up from the basement as I was leaving and said hello.  I'm hoping they went out and enjoyed a nice dinner.  I got a feeling they're back at their place cleaning.  They're good humans. I probably should use a footnote when I refer to Jerry the drycleaner.  See post from somewhere in April this year.  I had a dream about Jerry.  It wasn't salacious so I can spill.  I'm just walking down a hallway and I'm not happy.  Got a feeling I know where I'm going and yeah, it sucks.  I look up when I ge...

 Another day in hell sounded so ominous.  Maybe when I see my emails this morning I might feel differently.  Sounds like we'll get rain the next few days.  Hopefully I can get out and get some walking in.  Then again, I kind of like the rain after all of this heat.   I hope for a smooth moving day for the guys today.  My mom ran into Charlie in the basement who was still at work last night.  He's such a good human.  It was Jeremy who had a lot of the ideas and Charlie has been working hard to fulfill those dreams.  Jeremy has been here working as well but I suspect Charlie just wants to do anything for his partner.  That's so sweet.  Charlie in particular seems so kind of shy and I was glad he talked to my mom a little bit last night.  He's such a breath of fresh air after the monster.  Well really anyone.  Our first neighbor was the landlord's son who was kind of cool to us and then the Great Fava and his w...

I just wanted to get a few items at the store and go home.  I figured Charlie and Jeremey would be here again to get done what they had to get done before they moved in tomorrow.  I didn't expect to have a meltdown in the ice cream aisle. No, it wasn't me that had a meltdown.  It was someone else. I just happened to be pushing my cart past when a woman announced, "There's no fucking ice cream during a heat wave." The shelves were empty but I think it was due to a refrigeration issue.  I really don't think someone emptied the freezers.  My mom thought it was a supply chain issue but I said no, all shelves were emptied.  It was probably an electrical malfunction if those freezers were full when I was there just yesterday. I just pushed my cart pretty fast so I didn't get to hear anything else.  I did hear her yell at a checkout clerk before she walked out.  Good gawd. There is a new grocery store down the street for crying out loud.  We're not ...

I needed entertainment this week and discovered that the Great Fava a/k/a former landlord was going to be on the radio with his wife Melania.  She's got another name but bitch sounds a bit harsh for an alias. He told us when he had us sign a new lease to look him up on Facebook so we did.  It's not to adore him but to say What's wrong with him?  He had it advertised that he would be on the radio on Thursday.  Why?   I don't listen to the radio.  I don't know what any station is anymore.  Once I got this car, I'll listen to the music I downloaded or a podcast or an audible book.  My mom found the radio station and we tuned in at 3:30.  It's a Christian station.  That plays polka music.  That sounds about right for him. It was a pre-recorded interview which was really a good thing because it would be hard to fight the temptation to call the station and ask them what was wrong with them.  His Melania was there along with the ...

It was a better day. I found out from Charlie that they'll be moving on Monday. I thought oh, good.  I'll be working so I won't be in their way.  Then I realized it'll be 95 degrees.  I wouldn't want to move on a day like that.  Stay hydrated guys.  I ran into Charlie's dad and got to see his dad's very cute dog that my mom would like to steal and she hasn't even met her.  Mom loves dogs.  Don't tell Precious. I reached out to the person I worked with before we all got split up a few years ago.  Even though there were some blessings to be away from the frustrations of office people, new frustrations popped up.  This attorney is a wonderful human being and I wasn't sure if she would respond.  She did.  When I told my mom how she was doing, I burst into tears. I didn't expect that to happen.  I missed her and I was so sad that I can't work for her again.  She understood.  I would like to say what her name is but I want ...

 I think that would be my super hero name.  Or my alias.   Sigh.  I do overthink.  I have also been blindsided when it comes to trusting people that I will overthink and wonder what is their angle? I had been suspect of the lurker and I think for the moment, I'm in over thinker land.   For a couple of years, there were things that would happen that made me question what was happening.  I blew up and said my peace. I didn't blow up. I said I had enough.  I also wondered if I was believed.  There were always "this person asked me if they could check on something you did."   Well I was here all day everyday, so why wasn't I asked?  It was things like that. Other people got to experience what I did.  It was pretty bad.  I wondered how did this person last?  This is kind of a subtle form of harassment.  I suspect that there were efforts for this person to make things better and when you think maybe I mi...

I woke up and still feel meh.   All I can do is keep trying.  I am going through a rough patch it appears and I am hoping it will pass soon.  Next month I will have to do a check in for mid year and it's not going to go well.  It's a rough patch.  It happens.  I'm just tired of it happening. I will send an apology to the vaping lead that had to correct my mistake.  There is a part of my brain that wants to say other things. Thanks for leaving me with training the Thinker after I told you that I was struggling and made a big mistake that caused me a black mark.  A write up.  Thank you for doing that because the Thinker enlightened me in what people are doing in our group.  Leaving me to hang out to dry.  Thank  you for that.  I feel so much better.  I'm sorry if I interrupted your vaping to fix what I messed up because I'm stressed out because I have no support from any of you.  Thanks.   I won't sa...

No conspiracy theories.  I was right that something was coming my way and my own doing.  That's what I sensed. My heart dropped when I saw a message about "talking" and the subject.  Sigh.  I had gone for my walk early and I replied of course.  I had to wait for a couple of hours and it was a painful two hours.  I thought I can't take this and I did suspect the lurker found a mistake of mine.  No, not at all.  It came out on a day off.  The vaper fixed the mistake. I didn't hide my tears or the stress on my face.  I apologized and I said I still carry the bigger mistake.  I got reassurances and the whole thoughts and prayers kind of thing.  I am aware and I thought I'm drowning and I'm going to keep drowning and this is going to keep happening. The vaper is probably mad that she had to do something.  Not my idea of a good time either.   We're all supposed to help and support each other.  It just never happen...

Maybe people think that my communication major is garbage and they may not be wrong.  I did learn a lot about behavior and communication skills.   I can pick up on body language at times.  Frick is a perfect example.  I knew when she was up to something with me when she would walk past my desk and not make eye contact.  She would get a certain tone in her voice when she wasn't being honest with me or suspected I was going to call her out on her lying.   I'm not always right.  I know when I hear the words "We need to talk" that makes my heart drop.  It can mean a lot of things but if someone has a serious look on their face, that means I'm going for a drive to Humboldt Park and dumped for a whore that works at Target.  Oops.  Too much?  You get my point.   I can sense something is in the air and if I'm wrong, I'm wrong.  There was a meeting with our sub group about helping out the areas I'm in.  Why all ...

I got the air back.  Thank goodness.  It seems like it's old self this morning  It didn't seem like it was as cooling as it had been, but I guess it was warming up to cool off.  Maybe?  I don't know.  I'm happy it's back. Last night, when I took a bath, the cat came out of her apartment and threw up on my Love shirt that I had lying on the floor.  Sigh.  That seems like a metaphor doesn't it?  Poor baby had a sick moment and well that shirt sucked anyway.  It was getting a little threadbare and I wasn't feeling the love yesterday.  I was going to try to clean it off but it was pretty bad and the shirt is old and well, love.  Yeah, vomited on me so I guess that makes sense.  Precious is so shy and kind of nervous when that happens. I knew when that sad cry started, she was going to get sick.  Appropriate spot in a way.  Oh well.  As long as she's ok.  Love can go in the garbage can.   Yeah, I'm...

 The air conditioner guy is back.  Not the same one, but they do the same job.  Hopefully, I can sleep a little better tonight.  It's nobody's fault except for the dumb air conditioner.   I felt bad bugging Charlie about it and he's been so nice about everything. I got to see Jeremy today.  They're such sweet kids and I think what's the catch?  Will my rent go up another $400?  It would probably be deserved for all the hard work that they're doing but I'm afraid I'd have to move and go back to rotten landlordsville where I've lived most of my life.  I told Charlie we had a landlord that rented to a Satan worshipper.  He's fine.  They had some flooring people in today and they worried about the noise. I said that works out perfectly because I planned on leaving for awhile.  I was here when they were working. It would have been fine if I was working too.  I worked with Frick all these years standing at my desk.  I ...

I hope Charlie texts this morning with some idea when we can expect the heating and air guy back.  This morning it's ok but yesterday it just sucked.  I had another fan put in my room while I went to sleep.  My mom thought maybe we should use fans more.  Maybe we've become too spoiled with central air.  Maybe I like breathing better.  I like to breathe and not sweat bullets.  It was just stuffy in my room yesterday. I pulled the curtains close to maybe help with the air circulation.  I don't need to blast central air but I really like it and I'm not that spoiled with central air.  If I asked for a pair of matching shoes, then maybe.   I am going to get out of the house and probably find a store where I can stand in the frozen foods section for a good 20 minutes and cool off.  This isn't as bad as when it went out about 7 or 8 years ago.  That was miserable.  It was heaven when I walked into a store one morning before ...

Ever think of a moment where if you did something different that your life would have been different? For me, it was early May 2006.  Last time I saw Harold in San Diego.  I had gotten left at the airport because he didn't know what day it was.  Yeah.  I still shake my head at that.  Drinking much?  Jackass.  First thing I did when I did get a shuttle to the hotel was call my mom and sob about what he did. I was 37 and I said I want to go back home. I'm never going to meet anyone again.  I don't want to meet anyone after this.  My mom was upset for me and felt helpless.  I said I would stay a day and then try to book a flight back that Monday. I thought maybe I'll go to the zoo and book my flight.  I went to bed at 8:30 this night. I was exhausted from the flight and crying.  I woke up in the middle of the night and cried some more. It was a miserable day the next day.  I thought I'll make the most out of the day and call ...

This won't be a woe is me, my dad did bad by me.  No, he didn't.  He made mistakes, but there was a lot I learned from him. I saw that I had a picture I had posted 10 years ago on Father's Day where he was holding his best friend.  A beer bottle.  Sigh. I can make that joke.  Nobody else can. Right off the start, I learned that someone can be your dad without being your biological dad.  I never really thought of my biological dad as my bad.  I thought of my step-dad as my dad.  My mom told me a story of how someone said that I looked just like my daddy as a kid. I thought they meant my step dad and I looked up at him and smiled.  I was blonde and blue eyed.  He had a crew cut and dark eyes.  Yeah.  That's not what she meant.  She knew my dad.  I didn't know the difference.   As a step-dad or any step-parent, there is a role that you take stepping into a family that was already made.  He was mindful of b...

I know I sound like a crazy person when it comes to the lurker.  It took me 2 years to finally say something because they moved in such a quiet manner that made you wonder, Am I being paranoid? No, the lurker is that good.  It's not just me.  It's happened to others. I suspect what I did has prompted them to start looking at what I'm doing.  Why do I say that? About a few weeks ago, I worked on something that she did that prompted me to get a rejection when I filed it.  I realized there was a misspelling.  It happens.  We all make mistakes.  Not the lurker.  They're the ones who tell you you're in the wrong.  You're not supposed to do that. We have something we have to mark something as a correction and noted. It's not meant to punish.  It's meant to understand where things went wrong and to just be more careful.  I've gotten them.  I'm not always thrilled when I see them.   I hesitated.  I thought I know wh...

 Well the air is circulating better but it appears something is off.  We let Charlie know before we dropped off our recycling and did our grocery shopping.  We have fans in the living room and it seems to be ok. I slept ok last night.  I just want to get out of the house tomorrow.  It's ok that I stayed put today.  Saved me a little gas money, I suppose.  I really hope I don't get a text telling me that someone is coming on Monday.  I think if that happens, it'll be first thing in the morning and it won't be me sitting here and wondering.  I wonder how the protests went.  I saw some signs online that were pretty funny.  I had a local Minnesota CBS affiliate on and they had Senator Klobucher on talking about what happened to the state representative who was murdered.  That was horrible.  I flipped it off when I saw the parade was going to start. I don't even watch Macy's parades.  I'm good. I found my bottle of pills t...

It seems like our central air isn't working the way that it should.  Charlie had someone come to take a look at it because we know it works terribly downstairs. The air isn't circulating like it should especially in our living room area.  I was ok with sleeping last night, but I'll admit it, it's a little warmer than it should be.   My mom told me I guess you'll have to stay home this morning.  I know, makes me sound like a teen.  I hadn't planned on it once we knew that the air wasn't coming through because we would need Charlie to see what we were talking about.  She got stressed about how our apartment looked. I just went to bed. No, I don't need to go for a drive and go walk by Lake Michigan.  I figured if I have my Sunday, that would be great.  I am off on Monday and I am concerned I'm going to be spending my morning waiting for heating and air conditioning guy. I feel like why bother taking off?  I can't seem to have a normal time ...

I did my first text bank last night.  Well not my first, but my first since the election.  It's easier to write postcards or letters because you don't put your return address on there so someone can write back and send you nasty thoughts.  With a text bank, someone can respond really ugly and I didn't think I was ready for that.  It wasn't too bad.  It was for the special election in Arizona and for the primary in North Carolina. After seeing what happened to Senator Alex Padilla yesterday,  I got over my fear of someone saying something ugly to me in a text.  I am seeing ugly every day. I can't believe how they handled that man and treated him like a dog, making him lie down on the floor like a dog while they handcuffed him.  Look at whose press conference he was at.  He was at the dog killer's conference listening to her lies.  I guess the treatment he received was what to be expected.  How dare he ask a question.  Corinne no...