Blowing Smoke and Heat

I woke up and still feel meh.  

All I can do is keep trying.  I am going through a rough patch it appears and I am hoping it will pass soon.  Next month I will have to do a check in for mid year and it's not going to go well.  It's a rough patch.  It happens.  I'm just tired of it happening.

I will send an apology to the vaping lead that had to correct my mistake.  There is a part of my brain that wants to say other things.

Thanks for leaving me with training the Thinker after I told you that I was struggling and made a big mistake that caused me a black mark.  A write up.  Thank you for doing that because the Thinker enlightened me in what people are doing in our group.  Leaving me to hang out to dry.  Thank  you for that.  I feel so much better.  I'm sorry if I interrupted your vaping to fix what I messed up because I'm stressed out because I have no support from any of you.  Thanks.  

I won't say that.  I don't feel ok about anyone having to take the time out of their day when they have other things to do.  I have corrected plenty with the vaper and I always tell myself Oh, she's a sweet girl.  She just gets distracted.  Blowing smoke at a camera it appears.

The vaper once said I do so much for her and that she should nominate me for something.  No, I don't need a nomination. I need help.  I need support.  I need for you not to skip over difficult things and take on challenges and I need you to encourage others to do the same.  

Still wary of the lurker lurking where I spend my days.  Maybe it is for the best.  I don't know. 

I'm used to drowning all the time when it comes to this situation.  I rarely have had anyone say you take on too much, I can help.  No, it's on me.  Now it's coming up with black marks on my record.  That terrifies me.  This situation or new world was designed that we all help each other.  No.  They help themselves. I could be back in the office for that.  

Yesterday Jeremy came to the door around 8:15 am and asked if we could turn the air on.  He was so sweet about, he said, Hi Honey, so sorry to bother you.  My mom said we went for being f-ing see you next Tuesdays to honey.  This is nice.  What a nice concept when people are kind.  He's such a sweet kid.  So is Charlie.  I think they might be our guardian angels.  

I didn't get much walking in yesterday.  It's been an off week with the air being messed up and well yesterday's mishap plus the rain.  I see there's mid 90s coming.  I hope Charlie and Jeremy can get their air conditioning fixed soon because the end of the month is coming up quickly.

Here's hoping the good humans have a good day.  And that you get the help and support you need.