82 indoors

 The air conditioner guy is back.  Not the same one, but they do the same job.  Hopefully, I can sleep a little better tonight.  It's nobody's fault except for the dumb air conditioner.  

I felt bad bugging Charlie about it and he's been so nice about everything. I got to see Jeremy today.  They're such sweet kids and I think what's the catch?  Will my rent go up another $400?  It would probably be deserved for all the hard work that they're doing but I'm afraid I'd have to move and go back to rotten landlordsville where I've lived most of my life.  I told Charlie we had a landlord that rented to a Satan worshipper.  He's fine.  They had some flooring people in today and they worried about the noise. I said that works out perfectly because I planned on leaving for awhile.  I was here when they were working. It would have been fine if I was working too.  I worked with Frick all these years standing at my desk.  I can handle anything.  

I did get my Starbucks.  I will watch the sugar more and once the air conditioning situation resolves itself, I might feel like moving more.  Yesterday, I just felt sluggish with the air and stopped what I was doing. The humidity is a killer for me, but I trudged along today and walked the hill.  I did that and I felt good.

I had to use a bathroom and stopped at Whole Foods.  Whole Foods is basically a one or two item store.  It's at treat yourself kind of store for me.  I went there when they had taco bar while I went through radiation treatment so yeah.  It's been my treat yourself store. I was going to Shopkick but when I saw the sign that you needed to buy something to use it, I wasn't mad, but not thrilled.  I get it. I bought a cookie. I got the special bar code.  I felt better. I went to the post office and went home.

I felt a little weepy when I pulled up to my usual parking spot, thinking about father's day and thinking about some of my own choices.  Leave it to me to get teary eyed the day after.  Mother's day, father's day, any day seems to make me a little sad.  The joys of being me.

I thought about that turning point I had and it bothered me.  If I came home that day in May 2006, what would have life been?  Would I have met someone?  Would I be married?  Would I have had a child or been a step-parent to someone else's child?  What if it stopped me from getting cancer?

Let's cue the tears!  That's how the mind rolls.  We all play the could of, should of, would of, game. It's what I did.  It's what I got to live with.  It's what I got to make better from those lessons that took me a long time to learn.

I was feeling a little extra invisible today.  I wasn't feel seen or heard.  It hurts me when I get dismissed by people and people talk over me, or want to come up with 50 extra suggestions to make my life better. 

I wish I didn't have to think about people like the lurker or the diva.  The hell of it is, I really enjoy what I do every day.  I don't love it.  I really enjoy a lot of it and it doesn't help me when people do things to sabotage you or point things out.  I don't have people that really support me in the way that I should be.

I don't have anyone that has my back.  They may say it but no.  They don't.

Lots of reflecting today.  Must have been the cookie I had.

Starting to feel a little cooler right now.  Or maybe it's the delirium I've had from living without central air.

If people treat me like I'm invisible, then I should at least have central air to compensate me for my loneliness. 

I'm right, aren't I?