Why Bother

It seems like our central air isn't working the way that it should.  Charlie had someone come to take a look at it because we know it works terribly downstairs. The air isn't circulating like it should especially in our living room area.  I was ok with sleeping last night, but I'll admit it, it's a little warmer than it should be.  

My mom told me I guess you'll have to stay home this morning.  I know, makes me sound like a teen.  I hadn't planned on it once we knew that the air wasn't coming through because we would need Charlie to see what we were talking about.  She got stressed about how our apartment looked. I just went to bed.

No, I don't need to go for a drive and go walk by Lake Michigan.  I figured if I have my Sunday, that would be great.  I am off on Monday and I am concerned I'm going to be spending my morning waiting for heating and air conditioning guy.

I feel like why bother taking off?  I can't seem to have a normal time off the last few months.  Well maybe ever.  It's almost been a year since a semi smashed the side of my car.  I just wanted to have a Starbucks and get some stamps for my postcards and excuse me, the swear word is going to come out.  I can't fucking catch a break.  Sorry.

It kind of seems like the lurker has been hanging in the area I work with way too much.  My distrust is just never going to budge.  Honestly, I want the lurker out of my life even if it means I have to get moved.  Just don't move me by Irma, good gawd.  The lurker finally had to turn the camera on and even argued about it.  I thought how interesting you don't have a problem doing cruel things to all of us with your emails but you can't show your face?  The lurker has not been happy now that we have to see who's been taunting us and doing things behind our backs.  I'm so tired of this individual.  When does this stop and someone finally says enough?  Quit expecting me to trust this person. Every time I do?  I come across something that they've done.  It took me 2 years to say something and things have gotten better in the almost 2 years since, but it's not enough to trust.  No trust.  I swear if I find anything where the lurker has interfered with anything I'm working on while I'm off or makes a comment, I will not take it.  Almost 4 years of this has been maddening.

The thing is, it would be ok if I didn't get to go to the east side this morning, but I need to get more walking in and do more activity.  I've been way too sedentary the last few months.  On these days off or weekends off, that's when I can get more activity in.  Why does it matter?  I'll probably gain another 5 pounds at the rate I'm going.

My mom keeps saying you seem so much better since you stopped taking the prescription I had.  I said it's because you don't see me cry.  She's right in some respect.  I don't think it was something that was agreeing with and it made me a mess after awhile.  I hated having dry mouth.  I just want a break from it after 10 years of cancer pills and anti depressants, I just want a summer off.  I'll take the stuff that I was prescribed. I've heard a few people say that it's helped them and with a lower dosage, I hope it'll help me.  

I hope the day goes better for the good humans.  Stay safe if you're protesting.