Sunday Scaries - Early Edition

I already feel the anxiety of a two day work week.  It probably didn't help me watch the Tylenol murders on Netflix.  Way to relax on a hot Sunday!  I remembered that story as a kid.  I blame Johnson & Johnson for that one.  It was good.  The guy they suspected was creepy as hell.  He belonged on a Dateline mystery.  Maybe he was on one.  He's deceased now so I guess this is all a moot point.

I pulled my curtains to cool things off in my room.  Part of it is so I don't peek out the window to see if Charlie is planting anything.  I'll see it when I see it.  It's amazing that if I looked out my window it was to see what the monster was doing now.  And now?  It's to see how nice Charlie is making the yard.  I feel like such a Gladys right now.

I do have anxiety about work.  I don't know if the problem I was working on got resolved.  I always hate it when people do decide to help, they make themselves out to be the heroes.  No, you don't take challenging stuff and when I'm in a situation where someone higher can see what you're doing?  Or if you're responding?  You're not a hero.  You're doing what should be expected.  Working and helping others.  This is all for the diva mostly.  I got a feeling I might get a separate message that will pretty much demand that I thank her or acknowledge her for taking the time out of her day to help my pathetic self.  It's happened before.  We have lists that we can look at for tasks or do searches and it's not lost on me when I see tasks due a few months ahead of time disappear for my coverage area and tasks that are due immediately get left.  Or things that turn out to be more complicated get put back.  The thinker confirmed what I suspected.  People admitted to her that if it's too difficult, they don't take it or they put it back. Thanks, team.

I am worried about anything with medical and you think oh, it's just a yearly check in and then you find out you need three more tests.  I have to remind myself that when the 15th of the month hits, I'm making another $73 payment for that ultrasound back in early April.  Sigh.  I don't think I have horrible insurance.  I just wish I didn't have to pay so much out of pocket.  

I did better on the scale this week but I got nothing to celebrate when it comes to weigh in time in a few days.  Is it possible to lose 40 pounds or 10 before the end of next month?  I hate this.  Now that Monterrey Market is open, I got someplace to walk, enjoy the air conditioning and go walk home.  It's been a nicer walk and I was happy that I got to walk there 3 times last week.  It's about a mile and a half.   I have cut out about 98.9% down on sugar.  I had a rasberry cheesecake tart at Whole Foods this morning.  Other than a couple of nutella bars, my sugar is fruit.  I need to see that number go even lower next week.  Here's hoping I can get more walking in when I have time off as well.  I feel pathetic saying I can't afford an MRI.  Maybe next year Santa can bring me one, but I can't afford it.  This situation has just zapped me.

The heck of it is, there's so many other people who have had it a million times worse than me financially and emotionally.  Physically and mentally.  I get it.  I've felt the pain more financially the last few years. 

It got said to me in a really grumbly manner that they had paid $300 to come for my surgery.  That's something that has stuck in my brain the last few nights.  There's a lot of insensitivities you deal with when life hands you a bad hand. 

I'm going to try find something that won't jack up my anxiety.  Maybe a good Dateline will cheer me up!

I'm joking.  My mom said that Mariska Hargety did a nice job on her mother's documentary.  I think I'll check that out tonight while my mom is on the phone.