The Day started off ok . . .

 It was mid-day when things became annoying.  I was hoping to maybe pick up a few tasks that were a little easier to get done and knocked out of the way and I noticed that they were taken out.  

It's fine.  I took a look to see who was working on the easier tasks.  It was the lurker.  There is a fixation amongst those who are part of my daily word that it's all about the highest numbers.  Who has the best numbers?  It's not about quality.  I guess I worry some days because I don't know if I'll have enough to do.  I do, but I wind up putting stuff in my name and I think I add more pressure to myself because I feel like stuff is going to get taken away.  I don't know.  I'm more concerned about getting something scheduled before someone goes on vacation or making sure someone doesn't have to travel if someone doesn't confirm an appointment.  Of course I want high numbers.  I also don't want to step on other people and I got stomped on today.  Believe it or not, it wasn't from the lurker.

It was the diva.  She took something out of my name and put it in hers and handled it. I didn't realize it until after I filed it and saw that she did it as well.  She gets credit. I just look like an idiot who wasn't paying attention.  

A few weeks ago, the diva broke down and was tearful during our weekly conversation as a group and here I go again being empathetic and talk her out of her funk.  I got commended by the Thinker and the Vaper privately.  I got a thank you for the Diva, but I don't think she has appreciated anything I've done.  I found out from the Thinker she was praising the Lurker and her friend Regina to the higher ups.  Are you kidding me?  

Anyone can say whatever they want to say about another individual.  I'm the one that listened and stuck up for the diva when the lurker embarrassed her.  The lurker gets the praise and I get stepped on.

This is why I don't trust.  My mom commented again about how kind and patient I've been with her.  The vaper and the thinker commended me for showing the diva kindness when she was hurting.

I'm hurting.  I feel stepped on and used.  

I know what the diva is and I showed kindness when it wasn't deserved.  Just please stop stepping on me.

I do wonder if she wore 40 pounds of make up.  I feel like she praised the worst person you could praise and kicked the one person who had her back. 

What a shock.  

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