The Invisible Woman Chronicles

I will never be appreciated. 

 I thought maybe I would get some help with some of my daily tasks.  I don't think that's going to happen.  It sounds like it might be the occasional bone thrown my way.  Why would I expect any help?  I was hoping for a quiet day but it was too much and when I realized that it'll probably be the lurker who may benefit from the situation, I just felt defeated.  Of course.   My mom talked to the landlord about the monster and basically said we go or he does.  Well we look and he said he will be going come spring.  He suspects there's property damage that he has to see and we let him know this guy is scary and we fear retaliation.  I hope he understands the depth of the fear we're feeling about this person. Tired.  I don't feel great about 2025.  It's just like no more bad stuff, please.  Please . . . . 

It wasn't all bad this year.  I got to see family and I got to see Corinne who is well, family, in my opinion.   The semi hitting me, my mom falling in the basement, the check being stolen out of the mailbox was not good.  Neither was Orange Foolius getting re-elected.   I'm not hoping for a magnificent year.  An uncomplicated year, maybe.  I know we will have to be on the hunt for a new place and that may take some time.  I don't know if there is enough time with the monster downstairs. Since he's been going to work on a semi regular basis, it was kind of nice, but lately he seems to be a problem.  Point in case the Christmas Eve serenade and the door slamming.  Last night, I caught him on the Ring camera by the circuit breaker box. I turned on the hall light and opened the door which prompted him to go upstairs.  What was he doing?  I don't know and it's not the first time I've caught him on camera looking at it. When I ...

So President Jimmy Carter passed.  He was definitely a decent human being.  I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did.  His son spoke so kindly when Rosalyn passed.  Such nice people and you think, is there anyone else decent like that?  I remember sitting up watching the news with my sister when the hostages were held in Iran.  One of the hostages was from the Milwaukee area at the time.  His mother was kind of obnoxious from what I remembered.   It's a shame that Carter lost re-election.  I think would my dad have fared better with Carter in office.  The Reagan years were not kind to our family financially. We did turn the news on when I got the news alert.  Sounds like someone wrote Trump's statement.  That's a good thing.  I'm sure he's going to say something offensive at some point. I was definitely not warm today when I went for my walk by the lake. I feel warm now. I wore a lighter jacket but by Lake Michigan I...

It feels like that answer is a big NO.   I finished watching some documentary on the History Channel about JFK.  My mom talked about presidents who were charismatic like Bill Clinton and Barack.  I said Joe Biden was more about decency and kindness.  I feel like being kind and being decent just doesn't matter now.   I had to turn off the TV more than once when I heard why people voted for Trump.  Well I don't like what he says and I think he's rude, but my paycheck looked better.  I just didn't understand Kamala and at least I knew what I was getting with Trump.  Chaos.  I guess people like chaos.  I don't. I think of Kamala talking about people should have more in their pockets to go on vacation.  Or feel ok about spending money for Christmas presents. I think of her taking care of her mom when she was sick.  Being a good step-mom to her two step-kids.  I felt she was more relatable than someone with three wives...

I got to remember the work week has ended.  Seems like a challenge today but a relief to know it's ending and it's not a mirage. We wound up watching some documentary from the History Channel about JFK.  Seems a better choice than the news.  I'm so tired of that Orange Fool already.  I see that Laura Loomer is fighting with Elon. Good.  All fight with each other.  You're all crazy.   I dread dealing with this signing of the lease issue.  We don't want one.  The thought of spending another year with the monster makes me sick.  My mom's hip will start hurting once the weather warms up. It's too much and I don't know where we can go right now because there's not a lot of choices. It's almost the weekend.  My anxiety is through the roof this week and I'm mad that it is.  I can't live like this with this psychopath.  I hate feeling unhealthy mentally because I always have to worry about this freak losing it at any given mo...

He's a monster but one that doesn't like to be confronted.  I thought he was gone at least for an hour and I took the recycling out along with the daily garbage bag that's known as Precious' litter.  Sure enough, his company truck appears in the alley and I thought What for?  What did you steal now, weirdo?  It kept going.  It doesn't take me long to put three items in recycling and the garbage can.  Did he really think I wanted to talk to him?  I watched him drive down the alley like a little bitch and if his vision is good, he would see that I waved at him with one finger.   That's the thing with him.  He can be bold and crazy and the next minute he will run if he sees you.  What did he think I was going to do?  Throw Precious' litter at his head for what he did the other night?  I'm mad but I don't even want to look at him.  He's a waste of space. I was mad at myself for not taking off and feeling so tired but it t...

Wish I had taken these two days off.  I am tired from the Tuesday night drama. If the monster is unhappy with his life, well, have my life. I have a monster downstairs that stresses me out. I hate that guy.  

 They're back I expect rotten sleep tonight.  Have I mentioned my dislike of the monster? I want him gone. 

I'm not sure but I am wondering if they have gone away.  Permanently would be nice, but we suspect that we have the dog sitter.  They've been gone for the day and that's a good damn thing. Just felt angry about what happened.  My eyes were so red from lack of sleep and just felt pissed off.  We don't have family here so it's just the two of us. I was hoping for a couple of quiet days where I could get some things done. I straightened up my work area in the dining room because it was cluttered.  I would bring in the mail and leave it on my work area so I mostly had junk mail sitting out that needed to be shredded.  If only putting someone in a shredder was a bad thing, but I digress.  I thought how nice for them to go on a vacation after he throws a tantrum like a 31 year old child.  Maybe I should go stand outside and scream the F word on New Years Eve with the cat?  Well, he'd have me arrested or start screaming at me too, so that's not a gr...

Well, trying to get my mind off of what happened last night.  The monster's girlfriend left this morning and wondering if she went to work, maybe visited her parents for Christmas or just got out.  I wondered if the big thud my mom heard was the monster hitting her.  He does seem capable.  I'd like to run away too.  My mom and Precious should probably be filled in on that plan too, I guess so stuck in the tower with an ogre downstairs.  Great. I was looking up the old attorney I worked with about 7 years ago, I think?  I hadn't expected to be the one assigned to her when she started. I thought Frick was going to get her but they decided to do a big switch up and switch us all around which turned out to be stressful and chaotic.  I got one of Frick's old attorneys who was a toad to me and this new one that started.  We'll call her Liza. I didn't know what to make out of Liza the short time that she was there.  I thought she was quiet and ...

I have one more holiday wish. I want that monster gone.  I had lousy sleep because of his tantrum.  I'm not doing anything exciting like most people for the holiday but the one thing I would have liked to have gotten more of is sleep.  I think some of his tantrum might have been directed at us.  I don't know and I don't think I want to know.  I would like him to go spend his sparkling and rotten personality with his family.  We don't deserve any of this. I went to sleep a little late last night.  We watched a couple of stand up specials on Netflix - Nate Bargatzee, don't remember the spelling of his last name, but he's funny and not smutty.  I finally watched most of Ellen's last stand up until the last few minutes when I dozed off. We watched some Friends reruns and then I went to bed around 11. My mom wakes me up sometime after midnight to tell me that it sounded like the monster dropped something so hard that it shook the house.  She apolo...

Well we opened the few presents we had for each other.  My mom didn't have to and I wanted to do more.  I will do more throughout the year.  I hate the fact that pharmacist told my mom that the eye vitamins were junk and we listened to her.  I will do my best to make sure she has her eye vitamins every month.   I wish my mom's eye sight was better. That's what I would have liked this year. I wish I had a better place to live.  I am grateful for having a roof over my head but I worry about not having one and not knowing where to go that's safe and affordable.  I hope the good humans get to enjoy the holidays and feel safe and secure.  

So I didn't.  I thought I got to get out of the house.  The reek of weed was making my eyes water and I thought it's not bitter cold so maybe fresh air will help.  I knew it was a bad sign when I almost fell by the garbage cans.  Luckily I was able to walk behind them in the snow when I came back.  I'm sure the ice has melted by now or will in the next day or so, but it just sucked. I thought maybe I could walk on the east side, but nope.  That wasn't happening either.  It was ok. I listened to Lawrence O'Donnell's show on the drive home.   I made one stop at Metro Market. I found out that Lois actually moved out of the neighborhood.  Oh boo hoo.  I can't lower property values.  I guess I won't be going to the strawberry festival next summer or I'll lower the property values in her new neighborhood.  I should have just parked in their loony parking lot but I made the mistake again of parking about a block away.  It wa...

I was extremely tired last night and dozed off on the love seat while we watched TV.  I haven't done that for awhile.  I was anxious the night before and the anxious-ness went into deep anxiety so I took something that cause me to be even more tired.  I slept just fine last night.  I wrapped the couple of presents up that I got for my mom.  It'll be another day in a way for us but she more than me got me a few things.  I tell her not to but she insists.  I'm still six years old I guess. I think I know why she does it.  I spent most of my year getting kicked around by life so maybe some new socks will cheer me up.  Actually it does.  Never thought I'd get to the age where I'd be totally cool with socks.  She doesn't need to do anything really.  The things that I want can't be under a tree. I will have to straighten up and clean up my work area and my room area for when we got our place inspected by The Great Fava in another week...

Weird week of working today and then off the next two and then work the final two.  I'll take it though.  Next week will be sweeter only working two days.  I am hoping maybe tomorrow I can take a drive and go for a walk, depending on the weather situation. That may not be the case.  I'm not sure if it iced up even more.   It appears that the monster left early for work.  I'll take it. I suspect his girlfriend is going to work as well because I heard her take the dogs not too long ago.  It would be nice if they left permanently but I'll take at least a morning with them, mostly him.   I felt bad for my mom trying to navigate her way to the car.  I'm afraid to stand too close to her because of her falling down the stairs last spring.  I was right behind her when it happened so I make a point of waiting until she reaches a few steps when we leave for anywhere.  Even though my sister joked about how hard I pushed her, I felt l...

 That was really wishful thinking, I guess.  Glad I didn't wake my mom up and tell her or she'd punch me.  I'm joking. She might feel like it thought and I wouldn't blame her.  He came back before I left for the morning.  She came back later.  She probably had to work this morning.  He probably had to meet his drug dealer.  This is why I need to get out of the house. It was probably not a good day for a walk and I really didn't get one in. I tried but I'd get one block that was clear of ice and then not so great on another block so I turned around.  I made my rounds to do Shopkick, bought a couple of things needed for the house and came home.  It was just nice to get away from the weed smell.  I got to listen to my Audible book so that helps my mood. I had throw out salt from our house to the garage so my mom could walk safely.  Bad enough she has trouble seeing.  We don't need her to hit an ice patch.  I can't stand ...

I think the monster and his girlfriend may have left and went on some type of holiday.  For how long?  I don't know.  His truck and her car are gone.  As my mom would say, maybe they're at their new house.  Wishful thinking.  The dogs are here so I suspect if they are gone, we'll have a dog sitter here who will leave the side door open because they're an idiot like the monster is. I noticed a lot of alerts on the Ring camera that someone was in the basement.  It's mostly her doing his laundry and I suspect she was the one who did the shoveling because he is that lazy.  Moms and dads of America, keep your daughters away from men like that.  He spent the week mostly smoking weed while she worked. He definitely is not a Ryan Gosling or some good looking actor type.  More like a dumpy Kevin James type with peg legs with a bad temper. I got my beautiful senior citizen all curled up on her blanket looking cute and cuddly.  She had her hea...

When I parked my car in my usual spot this morning, I just cried. Not a lot but from the stress of living with someone that causes me so many problems.  The monster.  Nothing gets done about him.  He made me afraid to live in my own home.  He's been verbally abusive.  He doesn't clean up his dog poop.  He was controlling about our lights.  We've caught him on camera messing with the water to our washer.  I. CAN'T. TAKE. IT. for much longer.  I feel stuck and I hate that.  I don't have to go for a drive every week.  It's a mental health thing to get away from this crap.  I need at least 2 hours away where I can forget I live in a shithole.  Literally.  Or the leaky bathtub.  Or not having an outlet in the bathroom.  Greed makes me tired.  I'm too broke from the greed. Someone did shovel and I think it was his girlfriend. I can throw out a little salt just for my mom and I.  They're on their own....

What a lazy bum.  I don't know if I can take my mom grocery shopping today.  I'm not sure what to do.  I'm going to go out and assess the situation.  I probably shouldn't be out myself if it's frozen over since I had treatment that weakened my bones and well, I'm older.  It's not lost on me.  My mom was talking last night about finding something in the spring.  I would like to if it's possible.  I don't know what the market will be or what The Orange Guy will do to the economy.  Or should I say Elonia Musk?  We shall see.  It is just wearisome and hard living here.  We never have enough light.  It's so damn dark in here and that monster will never move and he will never get kicked out.  He actually took off after I sent the text.  Chances are if he got a call, he ignored it like he did with the flies.  Asshole. I flipped Smercomish on and they were talking about Joe Biden's age and how it's been covered up a...

People suck but we knew that.   I ended my day going through my emails and trying to make sense out of the madness when I discovered a comment that the lurker's friend made about something I did.  Sigh. Here we go again.  I took a screen shot and saved it.  I have had it with the mean girl garbage.  I did say something when I got asked about some things that had been going on.   No reason to act like that.  It's disrespectful and just rude.  I am growing very weary of it and I've tried my best.  I have.  Oh well.  Next week 2 days off and the week after 3 days off.  Everyone else can buzz off. I did tell someone to buzz off on Threads. I made a comment that was meant to be funny about Trump holding the Bible and watching it going up in flames when he touches it.  Someone made a comment to me that made zero sense and told me to quit fantasizing.  They weren't a Republican or Maga person. They were an atheist ...

Yep. No help. No response. I should be used to this but this sucks. I am invisible. That is my superpower!

I really don't want to sign in because I think I'm going to hear "crickets".  Well, at least I asked for help.  I'm doing my best and if I'm on my own?  I'm on my own. My mom got a little upset about Liz Cheney and what they plan to do to her.  I said she can take care of herself.  I get it.  It's chaos and causing stress for someone's life.  I get it.  I don't think Liz stresses about much.  Her dad is Darth Vader after all.  I worry about the younger people like Cassidy Hutchinson being dragged into court or in front of congress for nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I watched part of Jasmine Crockett's Instagram Live and I got depressed.  I appreciate Jasmine being honest about what they're doing with the budget but I don't like the idea that if the government stays shutdown for too long it could affect my mom's social security or snap.  Why did anyone think it was ok for Elon Musk to be involved in politics?  I k...

At least the check cleared so that's a win for me.  Sigh. I'm tired.  I sent out a message for help before I signed off.  Will I get it?  Debatable.  At least I asked.  That's all that I can do.  I am doing my best and I suspect that people are starting their own holiday time.  Well I would like that as well but that's not happening. My mom was tearful about the plans for Liz Cheney and her role with January 6th. I get it.  There's only so much you can take listening to the plans. I listened to Jasmine Crockett talk about the budget and how Elon Musk is getting involved and that depressed me.  As far as Liz Cheney goes, she can handle herself. I am bothered by that pollster that is being sued.  Just because.  You have to be immune from it but yet, it affects you.  There's no reason any of this should be happening.  I've been finding Lawrence O'Donnell on her laptop for her to watch and she is passing on it tonight....

I feel like I'm being haunted by the girl that stole our rent check.  I thought my mom had gotten a paper bill for her life insurance. She did but she showed me that her November payment hadn't shown up.  OH. MY. GAWD.  I spent about 30 minutes on the phone with a rep from the insurance company last month and she authorized the woman to have me speak to her and we paid for November out of my checking account.  Now I know why I'm off $22. I should have double checked.  It didn't show up so I tried to at least pay for November over the phone with the automated service.  At least I got a reference number.  I'm not as diligent as my mom checking on these things and I will be going forward.  That stupid girl just messed us up or maybe me with getting accounts in order.  I hope she has the holiday she deserves.  Rotten person.   I felt guilty about my bad mood yesterday over the package not being acknowledged by my cousin.  When...

Yesterday, I had a day where I didn't feel ok.  I felt depressed.  Why?  I feel like I should have the answers for everything and I don't.  I also feel like it's the expectation that I should have the answers and I just don't.  I don't know what to do somedays. It's always been like this with work.  If someone doesn't want to figure something out, give it to me.  I'll do it.  I am overwhelmed at the moment and tired of no help.  I. NEED. HELP.  Will I get it?  No.  No way.  I just have to muddle through and hope the complaints go to a minimum if anyone is upset with me.  I am doing my best. I was upset about the package I sent to my cousin.  Why wasn't it showing up on tracking?  Today, it showed up as being delivered around noon.  I looked in my mom's email in box and didn't see a thank you.  I kind of ran my mouth last night about my cousin upsetting my mom with talks of the past.  I said ho...

I'm not totally invisible. If I do something wrong or get accused of doing something wrong, I'm center stage. Last week, there were exchanges of emails for dates on scheduling and when I put out dates, the other parties ignored my emails and scheduled dates that weren't clear for me.  It wasn't a shock I got ignored.  It was like well.  What's new.  Not unfamiliar for me. One of the many things I learned in college, believe it or not was the most destructive form of communication is not acknowledging someone.  Ignoring someone.  It is something that makes a person feel invisible.  They're not worthy of a response. I was getting subjected to a lot of destructive communication from Cassie in the last year we messaged each other.  I wouldn't get acknowledged for feeling bad.  I wouldn't hear from her for months.  I knew things were drifting away from me because of it. You feel so like a little kid waiting for a phone call to go outside and ...

So my mom helped me touch up my roots and it actually looks ok.  Yeah. I still want to get my hair colored at the school.  Good to know that this is an option if I can't get an appointment or just low on money.  It's not a budget breaker to go the school.  I remember maybe every couple of years, I would hear from my hair stylist, um, my rates are going up.  Ok.  I have a feeling more people will be showing up at the school to save money.  With me working from home and being basically a shut in, it doesn't make sense for me to spend that amount of money when the grey hairs start popping up after a couple of weeks. I still have some grey streaks by the side of my face and you know what?  I'm ok with it.  It's like having a little refresh makes me feel better. I swear I can't seem to mail out any packages in my neighborhood.  What the hell is wrong with the post office.  This kills me and maybe it's the holidays but I took my cousin's ...

No errands to run with mom.  We got them done yesterday.  I'll do my usual thing, pick up a few things, try to Shopkick and go for a walk.  Come home and watch Bravo TV.  A somewhat lazy Sunday.  Hopefully I can see some sweet dogs on my walk to make me smile.  I saw a chocolate labrador yesterday that made me smile.  It was so sweet.  My landlord has a dog like that.  I do miss her.  I guess when they lived here, she would try to come to our door and bump her nose on the handle. I don't think I heard her bark as much as I hear the two downstairs.  I like the dogs downstairs. I don't like the owner though.   The drip in the bath tub is getting worse.  I just hate that tub.  I have to wash my hair in the sink.  It is an old bath tub and it is probably not a good bath tub for either of us.  We worried if we asked for it to get replaced that we would get a big rent raise.  Well that didn't work out we...

I got flipped off this afternoon and I have no idea why.  I was headed to Cermak on Miller Parkway and I heard someone blow the horn.  I saw a truck behind me and I told my mom, I think that horn was for me.  Why?  Because I stopped at a red light?  Was I not supposed to do it?  It seemed like once the light turned red, the truck was following too close to me and when I turned into the parking lot, I saw them drive past with the middle finger in their window.  I said out loud, They flipped me off.  Ok.  Why?  There's cars in front of me, am I supposed to magically fly over the cars and take this truck along with me? I was moving with traffic, and last time I checked, you're supposed to follow the rules when a red light turns.  I talked to my eye doctor about people driving and she does what I do.  If someone is tailing me, I pull over.  I am not going to be the target of your anger.  We watched a woman jump two lanes ...

Drizzle a little bit of sadness and you got my mood for this morning.  I took care of the things I do on a Saturday morning. I got the queen feline another box of kitty litter and as I pushed my cart out of the store, I saw the Time magazine cover that has been annoying me.  I think someone on Threads said that they were putting a magazine with Taylor Swift over the Time magazine in stores.  What do you know?  Who was below?  Taylor Swift.  I put it in front of the Time magazine that disgusted me.  That turned my frown upside down a little bit.  Small acts of defiance. I had dallied with the idea of putting a little mustache on other covers I had seen but that's defacing property and a bad thing.  Even if it feels funny and kind of a good thing. I don't want to go to grocery store jail for that.  This was better.  It was just rearranging and working on the store aesthetic.  I did the same in Target by covering it with Better Ho...

When I went for my walk to the store, there was the Salvation Army bell ringer standing outside yelling at people to come on in.  Sigh.  Not today please.  I just wanted to get a few things when I caught his attention and told me to get in before I become a popsicle.  Ok, weirdo.  Then he put his hands on and said Come on inside.  I turned and said "Get your hands off of me."  He just put his hands on my back and I was pissed. I thought I don't know you. It's one thing that you're talking to me and calling me out in front of people, but keep your hands to yourself.  He didn't say anything as I walked away.  People probably thought I was a bitch.  I felt like it. I realize he might be a friendly person and meant no harm but I don't know this person. Yes, I've had people violate my space, grope me, touch me and feel the right to put their hands on me when I'm not expecting it and if I don't want someone to put their hands on me?  I wi...

If I say Happy Friday, then it has to be one, right?  Hoping that's the case.  I'll get my eval done and then start working my way through my day.  If it's not a happy Friday then I'll make it a happy Saturday, damn it. I am looking at some of my credit card balances now that the second payment has been made and I'm feeling kind of good.  Like woo hoo, I can do this.  I want to see 44% paid off on the dashboard I look at everyday but I'll take 4.52% for the moment.  It'll go up next month!  Patience.  Patience. Next month I might be able to make an appointment to get my hair cut at least and make another doctor's appointment. One step at a time, I guess.  I am hoping that by early March I can have more in savings and pay more on my car.  I was hoping to have it paid off in like 3 to 4 years and not 6.  Gawd.  I am worried about interest now that well, you know, that guy is returning.  So help us all.   I am not f...

My mind has drifted off to dream land where I think of a world where there is my person.  This person is kind of soft spoken and kind.  He's funny and just a decent human being.  He knows how to talk to people and bring me out of my shell.  He's a helper.  He listens to people, including my mom which can be a challenge but he's fascinated by the things she says even if it sounds crazy.  He's got a dog, kind of a funny and sweet dog.  He's kind of amused by Precious who seems to be enchanted by him.  He seems to be the one stranger that she'll make an appearance for at that moment. He's really funny and I don't really expect his humor because it seems surprising coming from him, which makes him more hilarious.  He's a little disarmed by my humor but he appreciates it.  He likes my quirks and the messages I send in response to his.  He likes the way that I word things. He may not have always have the time for me because his schedule i...

It's a relief to have my eye appointment done and contacts on the way. I got a pair of new contacts or samples I can use.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I think they have maybe college kids working there.  Very nice and helpful when I had to use my debit card. I got some samples of eye drops to help me with dry eye. I had an angry left eye that was a little red.  I'm afraid my right eye wasn't looking for those little squiggly things on one of my tests.  I'm tired.  I'm sorry.  I got tested again so I was good.  The cold didn't make me too uncomfortable but I didn't spend quality time outdoors.   I dropped my cousin's package off at the post office first thing and as I pulled out of the parking lot, there was a big white truck coming in and not really letting me pass so I turned even more to get around and when I passed, she was yelling.  For what?  What did I do?  I think my jaw dropped as I mouthed What the heck?...

I definitely want to go back to bed and stay under the covers all day.  Definitely not warm like Monday.  I'll work my way up to getting around and get out of the house to go for my appointment and the post office.   I explained to my mom the type of day I had.  I apologized for my reaction with the packages being on the porch.  It seems like nine times out of ten that the delivery people get our address right and deliver to the side door.  When they don't?  It's a pain in the ass to get it off the porch.  If they put the package over the gate the monster has up for the dogs, I may have to climb over it.  Sometimes the monster is sitting there while the package sits. I had ordered a 12 pack of Sparkling Ice in bottles and a 12 pack in cans and there it sat on the porch while he sat out there.  He said those packages look heavy when I got them.  I said Yeah, they are and walked off.  Idiot.  He used to be nice about br...

It was a tiring day.  Productive but it seemed like there were some blocks I couldn't get past.  Like filling out my evaluation. I got it started and it looks ok. I have until the end of Tuesday but when I sign in on Friday, I am working on it.  I don't care if there's 500 emails from being off tomorrow, I am getting that done. It doesn't take long.  It usually takes me about an hour to an hour and a half but finding the time to think and put your words down to present yourself in the best light isn't the easiest thing when there are deadlines.  Yeah, the one who makes my eye twitch was giving me twitchy eye a bit.  I was worried about not getting a zoom link for one of their events but I got it.  I am also dealing with time zone issues of one state not doing them but scheduling the same person for an out of state file.  It's like dealing with a story problem when I have to figure it out.  I thought I had it right but nope.  Not today....