It's Just Hard

Yesterday, I had a day where I didn't feel ok.  I felt depressed.  Why?  I feel like I should have the answers for everything and I don't.  I also feel like it's the expectation that I should have the answers and I just don't.  I don't know what to do somedays.

It's always been like this with work.  If someone doesn't want to figure something out, give it to me.  I'll do it.  I am overwhelmed at the moment and tired of no help.  I. NEED. HELP.  Will I get it?  No.  No way.  I just have to muddle through and hope the complaints go to a minimum if anyone is upset with me.  I am doing my best.

I was upset about the package I sent to my cousin.  Why wasn't it showing up on tracking?  Today, it showed up as being delivered around noon.  I looked in my mom's email in box and didn't see a thank you.  I kind of ran my mouth last night about my cousin upsetting my mom with talks of the past.  I said how are you suppose to move forward if she keeps reminding you of the past?  

I know we need to find a different place.  We can't this year.  We are going to sign the lease in a couple of weeks and we are hoping that next year, things will be better.  Not feeling too hopeful considering who's in office and I just don't trust anyone with renting.  The bathtub leaks just horrible.  The toilet isn't the greatest and I'm just so tired of all that's wrong with this place. I know it could be better but I know it could be a lot worse.  I dread having to move things down the stairs.  I almost fell by the stairs on the garage when I went for a walk yesterday.  I need something easier because it just seems so complicated living here.  

We tried finding the news coverage of what happened in Madison.  Thoughts and prayers time I guess.  What's wrong with Facebook saying this girl was transgender?  Facebook has become such a dumpster fire for liars and idiots.  Speaking of which, why is someone suing CBS and the Des Moines register?  That makes me tired.  You won.  Move on.  Special shoutout to Judge Marchan for sticking to his principles.  Good for him.

Today is a new day and when I have a day where I feel so bad, the next day seems to be an improvement.  It's like I have to crash before I can get back up again.

I can't solve all the problems.  I just can't and I'm tired of being expected to do that.

Have a good day good humans.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dark Things

I sometimes wonder about this when I'm in a brooding mood about how I got treated at a low time in my life.  Or lowest. Would people have been relieved if I just died?   Really.  I have thought the answer was yes.  I'm not talking about my family. I am talking about those who made their discomfort known to me.   They could have had some fake ceremony and a moment of silence.  There wouldn't have been a funeral so they could have forgotten about that part.  They would have excelled at pretending to care about my life if I wasn't here. Then, I had to go do something stupid and survive.  How do we deal with that?  My mentor even mentioned to me, well, you know, none of us have dealt with someone being sick.  Oh, should I get a fucking manual for that?  Excuse the F bomb but that was warranted. When I got my schedule for radiation therapy, I had wanted to talk to my manager about it and find out if it was ok.  I had gotte...
Read more

Blue Evening

We took a drive to see a place in Bay View. I was kind of familiar with the address, but I wasn't sure. I found it.  It was not great. According to my Ring alerts, it's near an area with crime.  It was in our price range. I just can't seem to shake this funk I'm in.  
Read more

Know Who You Are

 I am struggling a bit with a new work assignment. I've bounced around to working with new groups since the pandemic and it's been alright, but it's been a little difficult with balancing when I just feel off with how much I"m doing.  I have my mojo somedays and somedays I don't know why I gout out of bed.  Today was that day. I got shamed by a mistake.  It wasn't that the person called me, they copied a few people to let me know I. AM. STUPID.  And no, I don't take it personal. It comes with the territory when it comes to the work that I do.  I like being behind the scenes and assisting but it seems to be that my kind can feel the wrath of when things go wrong.  Or sometimes all that we juggle is not enough.  We are the recipient of a bad day if someone has a fight with a spouse or a child and get told, it's better it happened to you than their family member.  Lucky me. Glad I'm not a family member. The worst came with someone who I reported...
Read more