Over This

When I parked my car in my usual spot this morning, I just cried. Not a lot but from the stress of living with someone that causes me so many problems.  The monster.  Nothing gets done about him.  He made me afraid to live in my own home.  He's been verbally abusive.  He doesn't clean up his dog poop.  He was controlling about our lights.  We've caught him on camera messing with the water to our washer.  I. CAN'T. TAKE. IT. for much longer.  I feel stuck and I hate that.  I don't have to go for a drive every week.  It's a mental health thing to get away from this crap.  I need at least 2 hours away where I can forget I live in a shithole.  Literally.  Or the leaky bathtub.  Or not having an outlet in the bathroom.  Greed makes me tired.  I'm too broke from the greed.

Someone did shovel and I think it was his girlfriend. I can throw out a little salt just for my mom and I.  They're on their own.  They're 25 plus years younger than me and I'm so sick of this laziness.  Unfortunately he has a new doormat but glad she did it.  She did a nicer job than he did.  I didn't want my mom to go out.  I said we can go shopping tomorrow.  The temps would be a little warmer so I think some of it'll melt by early afternoon when we go out.  Maybe I can get a walk in tomorrow.  I couldn't today.  I just walked to CVS to Shopkick on the east side.  It was more to get fresh air and listen to my book.  I stopped at a couple of stores to Shopkick on the way home and I felt overwhelmed by people.  Almost woozy and I wondered if I forgot to take my meds last night.  That might explain the extra sense of depression.  Ugh.  Of course when I walked by their windows to get the mail, I could smell their weed.  That's such a disgusting smell.  I would never judge anyone who smokes it but I would ask how can you stand that smell?  Gross.  

I watched some program about the ERA and Phyllis Schlafy stopping it.  I don't think I like this Phyllis person.  I am familiar with Phyllis Schlafly.  I may spell her name wrong, and it's ok because she was a horrible person.  I started to watch this Miss America show with Cate Blanchett a couple of years ago and I couldn't finish.  That woman made me mad.  Ironically I was on the part about Phyllis Schlafy's part during the Reagan years.  Majorie Taylor Greene probably has a Phyllis Schlafly doll next to her Trump doll.  I know.  I should talk with my Joe Bidden bobblehead.  I'm a dork but at least for someone nice.

Michael Smercomish was reading what people wrote to him and I'll give him credit.  People roasted him and he read it.  Someone told him to leave Joe Biden alone because he's almost out of office and at least he isn't talking about electric sharks or swaying for 30 minutes to dance music and called him a tool.  Smercomish said talk to him in 4 years with Trump's mental acuity.  Trump has more vibrancy.  Wow.  Ok.  Yeah.  The viewer was right.  You are a tool.

My day brightened up when I heard from my niece and saw that Charlotte has an early Christmas present.  A kitty cat named Honey.  Oh my gosh.  What an adorable kitty and girls need a kitty cat.  So sweet.  What a wonderful thing to do.  I suspect one of the cats may have crossed that bridge.  They had a couple of really older cats.  Bless them for having their cats and I loved seeing the pictures.  What a wonderful gift.

I am feeling a little ready for the holidays to be over.  New year.  New start. I have struggled to want to write because I have felt in such a grouchy mood at times, but I think I did a lot more than I did in the last two years.  That's pretty good. I guess I keep my momentum up more this year.  I have said so many times Oh, I need to write more and I never do.  Well, sometimes just doing it is the best way.  So if I skip a day or two then so it's ok.  Skipping two or three years might be a bad sign though.

I think I have a tiny mojo.  I feel better when I put some of these feelings down.  Or putting a magazine with Martha Stewart over that stupid Time Magazine.  Therapeutic and hilarious.