Does Decency Matter?

It feels like that answer is a big NO.  

I finished watching some documentary on the History Channel about JFK.  My mom talked about presidents who were charismatic like Bill Clinton and Barack.  I said Joe Biden was more about decency and kindness.  I feel like being kind and being decent just doesn't matter now.  

I had to turn off the TV more than once when I heard why people voted for Trump.  Well I don't like what he says and I think he's rude, but my paycheck looked better.  I just didn't understand Kamala and at least I knew what I was getting with Trump.  Chaos.  I guess people like chaos.  I don't.

I think of Kamala talking about people should have more in their pockets to go on vacation.  Or feel ok about spending money for Christmas presents. I think of her taking care of her mom when she was sick.  Being a good step-mom to her two step-kids.  I felt she was more relatable than someone with three wives and paying off porn stars.  Am I the weird one?

No politician is perfect and it just disgusts me when I hear the criticism about Kamala or Joe.  How about the President-elect?  Life has been more of a struggle the last couple of years, but I don't blame the administration. I blame greed.  

It just made me feel sad thinking about it last night.  Decency just doesn't matter.  Doing the right thing doesn't matter.  I know.  I know.  I can't think like that.  I am feeling like that.  I felt that way with jobs, with men, with friends.  Being decent and doing the right thing doesn't matter.  Being aggressive and stepping on people has always been the thing.  

My mom asked me if I ever sent the pictures of the crappy shoveling job that the monster did to the landlord. I said no. I'll show them when he stops by with the lease. I don't feel like it would make a difference.  He'll just huff and puff and say he'll talk to him but nothing will happen.  The monster will always be here.  We'll be the ones that have to go.

I think I need a sign from the universe that it'll be ok.  I feel like crying.  Shockingly with all that drama that happened on Christmas Eve, it didn't make me cry.  It made me angry.  Crying seems like an option today.

Have a good day good humans.  

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