I Talked Back to a Salvation Army Santa

When I went for my walk to the store, there was the Salvation Army bell ringer standing outside yelling at people to come on in.  Sigh.  Not today please.  I just wanted to get a few things when I caught his attention and told me to get in before I become a popsicle.  Ok, weirdo.  Then he put his hands on and said Come on inside.  I turned and said "Get your hands off of me." 

He just put his hands on my back and I was pissed. I thought I don't know you. It's one thing that you're talking to me and calling me out in front of people, but keep your hands to yourself.  He didn't say anything as I walked away.  People probably thought I was a bitch.  I felt like it.

I realize he might be a friendly person and meant no harm but I don't know this person. Yes, I've had people violate my space, grope me, touch me and feel the right to put their hands on me when I'm not expecting it and if I don't want someone to put their hands on me?  I will say it loudly.

I know I'm quite the contradiction getting angry when someone does that to me and yet I'm the person who needs a hug.  When I know someone and I know their intentions, I'm fine with them.  People who feel the right to do as they please when they put their hands on someone is not ok.  I don't do touchy grabby.

I had teachers that grabbed at me and other kids and I hated that.  It would be for something as simple as getting excited about something and talking when the teacher wants me to sit down.  I had one teacher that just grabbed my arm and shook me.  I was a quiet kid and I had a talkative moment and he got angry and shook me like an accordion into my seat and he scared me.  

I got hit a couple of times by my step-dad that were no big deal at the time but really doesn't thrill me that it happened.

I had more than one boy try to grope me in school and girls too who thought they were funny grabbing my breasts.  I had a co-worker grope me when I came back from lunch and luckily it was his last day.  

During one of our last lunches in the office, the managing attorney who never paid attention and would knock you over if you didn't watch it almost came crashing into me and I stepped aside. I was carrying the lunch I had from the homophobic Chik Fil A that we ordered from and I said go on.  Go pass. She tried to grab me by my shoulders and I stepped away and said loudly, DO NOT TOUCH ME.  I had to say it twice. I thought what do you not understand?  People thought that I was weird for being that way.

I am weird.  I want my boundaries respected.  What is so hard about that?  

It's got nothing to do with me having medical problems, believe it or not.  It's a long history of people treating me like a punching bag.  There was someone from my childhood who used to treat me that way and maybe that's what happened.  Nobody related to me.  A neighbor who did that and I just accepted it.  I just thought thats part of being a kid. Getting beat up sometimes. I just wanted to be left alone as a kid and well, that didn't happen.  If it makes me hostile to a Salvation Army Santa?  I guess that's why.  Maybe I do have too much of a visceral reaction.  I just don't play the touchy grabby game with people.  That's not me.  

When I do trust someone and say they're ok if they touch my arm or brush against me, they have no idea how much I mean that I do trust them. 

When I walked out, I noticed he was at the back by the carts and I could see him out of the corner of my eye and he yelled, I'm over here if you want me. I said No thanks.  I don't know if it was meant for me, but if he heard me, well - GOOD!  He really was a jackass.  

Does it make me a freak that I want people to respect my space?