The Invisible Woman Chronicles

Yesterday, I thought we were going to get news about the lurker.  I was wrong.  We are getting some help.  Interesting thing.  Someone is being pulled from another group full time for a few weeks.  So what happens when the few weeks are over?  Interesting.  No mention of the lurker or what's going on.  Not mad.  Not sad.  Glad the lurker will still be missing.  I'll be ok if it's permanently.  Still curious but relieved to have more time without them. I just felt like I couldn't get to the end of the day fast enough.  I didn't even know where to begin with some things.  I just felt frustrated that at one point I got up to look for things in my room. I managed to get the blinds that had dropped behind a dresser.  My mom wants to get them in my room at some point.  I was just happy I could get them out after they had dropped behind there months ago.   There's not enough room in this place and I keep ...

I have a little bit of extra money this week with my bonus.  Yay!  Thank you two day early pay plus my paycheck so that helps for now.  My mom asked why don't you just pay off my medical?  Well I would love that.  I'm kind of waiting on my tax refund to help with that.  Besides, this time it wasn't as good as last year so I kind of want to hang onto as much as I can until I get another refund.   My extra money will go towards medical basically.  I think I am going to look into getting a mouthguard online.  No way can I afford to spend $600 from the dentist.  Considering that they don't last long, I would be seriously in the red all the time if I kept replacing them every two to three years.  I also have to get new contacts towards month's end.  At least my eye looks better to put contact lenses in today.  Win! Plus, I can get lunch this week my company card.  It's not going to the Pfister money but me going outdo...

I tried to take the day the best I could with all that was going on.  I tried not to sweat the small or big stuff and move about my day.  No lurker.  A touch of diva antics. She seems to be trying to take the place of the lurker and was affecting the Thinker's work.  I told her not to let it bother her.  She puts herself where she doesn't belong and pisses others off with her rudeness.   I was curious about the whole Tik Tok thing and I took a look at what she was up to lately.  Good to know she's still doing it during work hours.  I mean, got to have some entertainment, am I right?  That is one stupid app.  Parents. I repeat parents, if your kids are on there, get them off.  That is such a toxic app.  I downloaded it back in 2020 when someone sent me a video of a kid saying "I F-ing hate people" so casually and felt like my spirit animal at the time.  Considering how 2020 turned out for all of us, it seemed fitting....

My eye is looking a lot better.  Still red more in the corner part, but I'm seeing signs of white in my eye.  I liked the idea of getting away from my daily insanity but I like not having to cough up some change to pay for an eye irritation.   I have these little eye drops in tubes and I got them for my mom but will she use them?  Noooo.  I was happy to get more if she needed them, but ok, let's be stubborn. I used them and apparently they helped.   I didn't push myself to finish anymore when it came time to call it a day.  It's just too much and I wish there was some news about the lurker or how long this limbo will last.   At least my eye looks less red.  Still feels tired.

I'm not sure when, but I will probably make a phone call to see if I can get in at the eye doctor.  After the event we went to, my eye felt sore.  Even if there's not something stuck, I should probably get something to help with the redness.  We live in an old duplex that's old and dusty.  Just like me.  Sigh. I can see fine.  My eye feels sore and I can open it fine.  I think maybe I should get something for the irritation.  I don't know.  Even if I can get a late afternoon appointment, that would be fine.  I hope that it looks better tomorrow.  Last night, I looked like a creature from a horror show.  This morning, I look like I got in my former neighbor's weed supply.  Maybe it'll look better tomorrow morning.  This whole thing sucks.  Winter can go buzz off.   We went to the event in Bay View.  I like Francesca Hong. I actually think that she would make a better assembly leader now that the cre...

 I don't get out much and today, I'm going to see Fran Hong, who is running for governor of Wisconsin.  Here I am with a big old red eye.  This winter can go to hell. I could feel a lens roll up yesterday so I thought oh no, time to get it out.  With winter being so dry, anytime I sense a lens shift in my eye, I get it out or then it's a bitch to get out later.  Well I don't know if I got it out but it appears that my eye is looking beat up.  It looks better than last night.  I could have sworn I felt something come out and drop on my sweater when I laid down on my bed to conduct surgery.  Item nowhere to be found.  Damn it. I may have to see if they can squeeze me in to make sure I don't have anything funny in my eye.  Here's to losing $50 or more to this stupid winter.  Damn it.  Unless my eye clears up significantly tomorrow, I probably should make a call. There have been two instances in my life where I thought I had a stuc...

The anxiety monster came to visit me late yesterday afternoon.  I've had two problem files and one is going sideways.  I saw an email and thought ok.  I'm not lingering with my time.  It was the end of the day and I just can't at this point. Then I spent the evening trying not to think about it. I can ask about it on Monday.  There's another situation that's driving me crazy.  I'm kind of caught in between a rock and a hard place. I hate it when my anxiety takes over my brain.  I try to work on other things or think watching TV will help.  Nope.  When I went to bed last night, I could still feel my heart racing.  It sucked.  Yes, I take something and it just wasn't doing the trick. To all the people with their great advice?  Buzz off.  Honestly.  I wish people would just "do" instead of "say" all the time.  Talk is cheap.  Being there for someone actually means something. It was like this when I was in schoo...

I guess I'm going to see a red flag anytime I hear someone say "Women should empower each other."  I agree with that statement.  When I hear it come from a woman's mouth, they usually have a knife behind their back. Welcome to my Ted Talk on toxic people this week.  That seems to be the theme doesn't it?  Today's subject is our former managing attorney. I actually liked her name when I found out what it was.  It was the name of a favorite character from a TV show.  For privacy purposes, let's just call her Bea.  She was definitely a B. She seemed friendly enough. It would take me awhile to figure out she was a crazy Bea.  It wasn't until the first managing attorney we had when I started had left.  We had some squirrelly weirdo from the west coast who liked to engage in gotchas with people.  He was usually home back west every few weeks and we all couldn't have been happier.   Bea had told me that she wanted to be happy and acce...

I used to have to take a couple of Tums everyday when I went into the office.  I haven't had to take one since March 2020.  Occasionally I take some Nexium when my mom makes fried chicken or I have something that might make feel acidy.  It's no longer an everyday occurrence. My former hair stylist had told me about some books regarding holistic healing after she found out about my cancer diagnosis.  Granted, she was hoping I could score her some clients at the cancer center.  I did read one of the books and found it was interesting that there is a sickness that can related to the unhealthy relationships we have in our lives. I was told that something probably burst through with the cancer starting in summer 2014.  That was an awful summer.  I was having problems with Betsy and worried about my job.  It was a very awful time.  My mom blamed her for a long time for this happening.  I get that stress can accelerate it and I didn't blame her...

I don't know if I'm an expert at spotting the signs.  Ignoring the signs?  Yeah.  I think I did a good job at that.  I can tell when someone is lying to me or has something going on that they're hiding.   I take back what I said about college ex.  He really was bad when I think about it. I think because it was college and we were immature that it wouldn't be horrible to see him.  I think I'd still call him a bad word.  Or throw something.   I did see the signs but I was hoping it wasn't what I thought it was.  The first sign was a trip to Great America with our friend Norah and her boyfriend Joe.  Norah worked with us at Target and Norah did try to fix me up with a friend before I started dating college boyfriend. What did I call him before?  We'll call him George. I don't like George Clooney so George seems to fit this idiot. Joe couldn't make it the day we were going to go but George thought it would be ok with Nora...

I'm so bothered by what happened by my appointment the other day.  It was like I was in 8th grade and being mocked for my looks.  This was more smaller microaggressions. Normally the student takes my jacket and hangs it up somewhere.  She was adamant that I could hang it up on her hook that made my jacket sit on the floor pretty much.  It was ok but I noticed others had their coats hung up.  This was a salon life appointment. I didn't realize it but normally I get some type of relaxation treatment like a shoulder massage or more time with massage my hair when I get it washed.  I didn't get any of that. Even though the comments to her instructor weren't what I thought they were, it was clear that she found my hair problematic.  I just kind of checked out mentally and emotionally when she finished up.  I felt like I was a freak she had to deal with.  Her instructor complimented me on my color coming in.  When the student asked if I wanted ...

I feel like I'm forgetting something and I feel like something is going to blow up on me soon.  It's been so much to remember and I think I'm sucking at it.  Oh, I feel I'm sucking at it.  I know I'm sucking at it.  Ugh.  So much for the positive pep talk, eh? Well the volume of work is getting to me and really not knowing what's happening with the lurker is a little frustrating.  Will they make their grand return much to our annoyance or has something changed?  I say it's fine when I don't see them lurking but one way or another, I'd really like to know something. I don't need to know the reasons why.  I just need to know if this person is coming or going.  I don't think we get help everyday either so I'm not sure if I got to do clean up in several aisles this morning. My mom is unsure about going to the food pantry this morning because of lent.  She was going to walk and I would pick her up.  She likes getting her free bag and fre...

It was a recurring theme of the day.  When I signed in, I felt stupid.  I read an email from someone that just made me feel stupid.  It wasn't their fault. I didn't realize I had done something where I was making work for myself. I didn't realize the answer was in plain sight. I have no idea how to respond.  I don't know if I want to respond.  I just feel stupid. It kind of seems like the last time I did ask or put down feedback regarding something this person works on, I got kind of a disparaging email.  We were all told to do it.  I just deleted the email and I thought if this feedback gets asked again, I'm ignoring it.  It made me feel like I was asking for the moon. I was making some minor suggestions where the lurker put down about 3 or 4 pages of issues.  There's someone that I can maybe talk to about it who will understand.  I just feel stupid and I don't know how to respond. Today, I was gathering up some of my postcards to mail ...

No lurkers today and that's a good thing.  I don't even want to ask.  I am kind of annoyed we're sort of in the dark about the situation.  I'll take her not being around as a good thing. I wanted to look at how much time I had as of today and I looked at the calendars for the upcoming months to see who had off.  Sigh. I hate that.  I see Regina already marked a week in July I might need some days for.  I'm not sure if I'm going to get to see Charlotte and my niece this summer and that would be around the time.  It's not to say I can't have time off but how much and who else will mark that time worries me. Then the diva.  Holy shit does she has the time marked off.  It's like from May 22nd to June 4th.  Bye Felicia.  We were all quiet when she announced that she was going to Italy within the first couple of weeks of her starting and announced this was a trip of a lifetime.  Nobody said a word.  We said ok.  Have fun....

It would be no shocker if it was the lurker with her 135 lives.  Ugh.  It would also be nice not to see the light on by their profile picture.  I would be ok with that. I found my bill from North Shore Pathologists.  This afternoon I'll take a look and see if the claim got submitted and if I need to make two phone calls instead of one.  If I remember today?  This has to be the one thing. I'm almost finished with Song Song Blue.  What a great movie.  I'm not saying that because it's set in Milwaukee but it does have an extra appeal for me. I had wondered where Mike Sardina lived in the movie because of the airplanes. I thought maybe it was in my old neighborhood like closer to Mitchell Field but turned out to be South Milwaukee.  I'm a nerd.  Had to google it. I know Corinne would like to go see her cousins in Canada and is kind of nervous about asking her husband.  I get his apprehension with everything in the news.  I hope the...

I don't miss being in the office around Valentine's Day because there would be the typical bouquet of flowers that would come in for my co-workers.  They weren't modest about it.  They were quite arrogant about it. There was a sadness I'd feel when I see someone getting a bouquet like that even when I had someone in my life.  I didn't want the flowers.  I wanted to be seen.  I wanted to feel special.  It was an opportunity for others to look down on me like Oh, maybe someday someone will see you're special.  Sigh.  Buzz off.   I was feeling bad that I had salty feelings towards the diva.  She was so kind of friendly when I signed in and I thought she just wants to make a name.  Well she shouldn't do it by stepping on my back.   I did take a look at her infamous Tik Tok account today and what do you know?  It was all about her man doing stuff for her on Valentine's Day and posting flowers for all of her followers....

I think my mood went south when my mom asked if we could stop at Dollar Tree on the way home from Cermaks yesterday.  I wasn't mad that she asked. I thought ok, no problem.   It was the parking lot that did it.  I get it.  December and January sucked weather wise.  First weekend in awhile, I think?  that it was super nice to be outdoors and I just felt like I had to play dodge ball with the cars. I dropped her off in front of the store and tried to find a parking spot that wasn't in a different county. That wasn't all.  My mom was looking at rentals out of curiosity last night when we watched TV.  That is a reality that I may have to deal with at the end of this year.  I am hoping that the guys don't go higher than $100 because the rent situation is insane and I'm worried. I feel like I'm going to be wandering on the street like the woman I saw yesterday yelling at people Can you help me?  I felt bad I ignored her but I thought, lad...

In high school, I had a friend who had a crush on a football player.  I'd sit and hear her gush with the rest of our friends about how she had a crush on this guy.  She was writing him love letters that were anonymous and they were really gross.  When I read them I thought this sounds pornographic.  I don't think a teen guy would be offended by some of this stuff, but this was not attention getting.  I offered to help her write letters.   No offense to my friend Cheryl, I knew that this football player was above her.  We were in the dipshit crowd.  Everyone was above us but I wanted her to catch his attention with words, even if he wouldn't look at her because he was too busy looking at the cheerleaders.   I used my writer skills and wrote the letters.  The first one was a hit.  Initially he kind of blew them off and I think he was throwing them in the trash.  Not mine!  One of our friends was showing his friends...

I felt lighter yesterday and maybe I shouldn't.  No lurker online yesterday.  I felt hopeful yesterday about the situation.  It's been so unbearable busy but I felt lighter.  I felt kind of silly.  I liked the idea of her being out of my life forever.  I like the fact that something was done about a bully. I was excited when the lurker started and about their experience.  Being in our new world, I met new people online who were helpful and kind, unlike Frick and Frack.  It seemed like maybe this was a better environment for me emotionally and it was.  There was one person who was problematic.  Little did I realize she'd get a friend in the lurker.  Tara the troll is a whole other blog post. I thought the lurker would have been a great person to work with. I had the years of experience. She had the knowledge for this particular area.  I didn't realize I'd be bullied and belittled in this subtle manner that made it seem like I wa...

I got up around 4 and felt anxious to fall back asleep. I normally get up around 5 ish.  It depends on my energy.  I figure it's better 5 than 6 because if I keep going back to sleep it'll turn into 7.  I did wake up a little bit before 6. I kind of feel like there's something going on with the lurker and I am anxious about it.  Curious.  She seems to have like 250 lives.  There was a cryptic message to all of us about sending work information to our personal emails.  Why would I want to have nightmares?  I was puzzled but when we signed off, the lights came on. There was an incident that the diva told me about involving the lurker and sending work information to her personal information.  Did she do it again?  It wouldn't shock me if she did.  It also wouldn't shock me if she was online this morning.  When I heard the word termination, my mind ran to a joyful possibility.  Like I said, the lurker has 250 lives.  Some...

What a strange day it was in the news, watching Pam Bondi with her burn book.  It just made me think of high school.  Well, maybe life itself.  If you point out something a person did wrong, they come back with an insult that doesn't make any sense.   James Van Der Beek died from cancer.  I thought he was doing ok.  I watched Dawson's Creek when it came on.  It was a teen show but I liked it even in my 30s.  The fact that he was 48 is a hard thing to take.  I found out at the age of 46 and I wondered if I was going to be here at 56.  Well made it to 57 so I guess I'm ok.  I thought at the time, I'm supposed to worry about this when I'm older.  I wasn't young but I was in that age group where it just seemed not the right time. I know.  Younger people have gotten cancer and died.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I felt bad seeing that he was selling his stuff from Dawson's creek.  I know the feeling selling ...

My mom finally got her Homestead paperwork straightened out. I offered to take it over to the West Milwaukee post office this week and she said it could wait until Saturday morning.  I said you want me to go to the Shorewood post office and she said yes. I guess that really is becoming my new hang out.  That's pathetic. I have become extra superstitious of our mail service since our check got stolen.  It's not the first incident involving mail.  I had my state income tax get lost in the mail and I mailed it right in front of our post office.  I have had other items lost over the years and I had enough.  I don't even want to mail an eBay package there.   I always seem to get a crappy attitude when I've asked about postcard stamps.  No, we don't sell them.  They're not making them anymore.  YES THEY ARE!!!  WTF?  I've had enough of their clerks bitching at me when I have asked for them.   West Milwaukee has been ok...

I went for a short walk to the store tonight.  I forgot one thing so I had sunlight or fading sunlight on my side tonight.  Nice to get fresh air. Have I said that I am anxious for daylight savings because I am. I will be able to get a jump on my day once daylight kicks in. I deal with an area that doesn't do daylight savings.  Smart people.  It helps me get ahead of things because others aren't online until later in the morning so it helps.   No sign of the lurker but we did have help and a reassurance. I'll take it.  Still pissed off at the diva but it's not the distraction it was on Monday.  I'm not really sure what's going on with the lurker but I was ok with her being gone another day. We had the hearings on with Pam Bondi.  Wow.  What a bitch. I muted her a few times when my mom was at the food pantry. I only watched the exchange she had with Dan Goldman.  And what do you know, Jasmine Crocket was going at her when I had to pi...

I didn't realize I had a text from my sister.  From Monday.  I'm in some brain fog this week.  I apologized and said well, feel like I'm in a fog.  She had pictures of Charlotte at the place they went to this weekend.  I could have paid closer attention and it might have lifted my bad mood on Monday. I'm ok today.  I am hoping I don't get reminded of what set me off in the bad mood later today when I have my monthly check in.  Oh, yay, the lurker returns.  I don't mean to be dismissive of her needing time off for as much as she had, but I wonder how honest are they being?  After working with Frick and knowing her tricks, I'm skeptical of someone like the lurker.  Maybe her and the diva can plot to find more of my mistakes.   I drove by a food truck this past Sunday with my mom to see what it was about.  Whatever it was, it must have been a big crowd because they were packing up.  My mom joked maybe I could stand in li...

I'm doing better this afternoon.  I looked to see if I had been billed yet for my recent doctor visit and I have.  I thought I'd get a bill for $180 but it shows I owe $126.  I don't know how that happens. I know it's an insurance thing.  I know it's not because I'm a nice old lady.  I'm ok with whatever the reason.  That made me happy. I sat through a webinar for our health insurance and if I understand correctly, I think biopsies, ultrasounds and MRIs are covered as preventative care.  I don't want any of that. I would hate if any of that happens this year.  It would be nice if I didn't have the added stress of how am I going to pay for this?  I think I'll be at $380 after the payment this week for last year's ultrasound.  Yeah.  Last year's ultrasound.  Sigh.  I am hoping I can get it paid off by summer and not incur any more charges that involve a payment plan.  It's depressing. I figured out how to use my dental ...

Oh yeah, I'm still smarting from yesterday.  I wasn't shocked.  I am ticked off.   I know how someone like the diva thinks.  If you're nice, you're a weak person and a prime target for bullying or back stabbing.  I knew it was a sign when she admitted that she didn't want to ask me questions even though I tell her it's ok to ask me anything.  She did and mocked my voice.  Sigh. I have to remind myself there's a big difference between her and myself.  I'm not interested in followers.  I'm interested in having sincere friends.  I'm not interested in being the center of attention.  I like helping and I'm happy if someone does recognize it because sometimes the recognition helps.  When you feel kicked by say, people like the diva, it's nice when someone sees you as a decent human being.  I'm not interested in showing off.  I prefer to keep the good moments to myself because sometimes life isn't always that great for ...

It was not a good day.  Or maybe morning. I apologize for any "F" bombs that drop during this post.   You always kind of worry like is there something I forgot when I had time off or did something bad happen? I saw that I had a rejection on a filing.  It was the diva's morning to work on them.  I thought oh no. I can get it refiled. I had an influx of new files and filing and I just messed up.  Plain and simple.  When I looked closer, it appeared that the diva fixed it.  Ugh. It's fine that she did.  It was the other thing that rang an alarm bell. When we make mistakes like this, we'll get a do over or this type of task to fix things.  Fair enough.  It was from a higher up and not the person it affected. The funny thing is, anytime I've made a mistake with this particular woman, she will send me an email and ask me to fix it.  I send an email and let her know it's taken care of and she'll send me an email with a winky emoji....