The Flower Blues

I don't miss being in the office around Valentine's Day because there would be the typical bouquet of flowers that would come in for my co-workers.  They weren't modest about it.  They were quite arrogant about it.

There was a sadness I'd feel when I see someone getting a bouquet like that even when I had someone in my life.  I didn't want the flowers.  I wanted to be seen.  I wanted to feel special.  It was an opportunity for others to look down on me like Oh, maybe someday someone will see you're special.  Sigh.  Buzz off.  

I was feeling bad that I had salty feelings towards the diva.  She was so kind of friendly when I signed in and I thought she just wants to make a name.  Well she shouldn't do it by stepping on my back.  

I did take a look at her infamous Tik Tok account today and what do you know?  It was all about her man doing stuff for her on Valentine's Day and posting flowers for all of her followers.  Sigh.  Even when she shared pictures of her trip last year, we were subjected to one of them kissing.  

I felt kind of confident when I put a picture of Harold in a frame and put him on my desk.  He encouraged it.  Someone noticed the picture and said he looks like Kid Rock and started laughing.  Yeah.  I faced work place humiliation about our situation.  

The thing is if there were someone who did send me a gift or sent flowers, it would have been a lot of noses sticking in my business.  Who is this person?  Why did he send this?

This is something I just don't miss.  People rubbing their lives in your face.  The thing is, it's just surface stuff.  Irma got flowers all the time and her husband was cheating on her.  Cassie was a little arrogant about her husband sending her flowers as well when she worked with me.  She used to whine about him sitting at the dinner table with his mouth hanging open with a cold all of the time.  Go ahead and brag.  I hope he breathed on the flowers when he got them.

See it puzzled me as well when I would get praise from an attorney or someone complimenting my work, why are these women getting mad?  They seem like they have perfect lives with their bragging all the time, am I not allowed to have a kind word said about me?  Some knew about the health troubles I had, did they not think that maybe I needed that compliment once in awhile?

I did get flowers sent to me when I had cancer surgery and they got thrown in the garbage.  First up, there's really no room for me to have that. I don't hate flowers. I don't have room.  Second up, after all the times that people had healthy meals sent to me, it seemed like a cheap shot.  I came across the flowers on a website when I had to look something up for ordering.  It was actually the cheapest flowers that you could send someone.  They had a lot of orange and some other colors that were ugly.  Precious had tried to eat the flowers and I had to pull her off of them.  Thanks. I could have a vet appointment too on top of it.  Doing a throwaway gesture was typical of what people had done when it came to me.  

No, I don't want someone do make a grand gesture in front of people.  Good way to have a bigger target on my back.  How dare she have someone love her!  Rude!  If I had someone, I like the idea of having a secret like that.  I like the idea of having a smile on my face and being in a better mood and nobody knows why.  I like the idea of keeping something to myself because the relationship is between myself and that other person.  Everyone can stay the F out.

It was sort of funny when Corinne's husband would come to town for a visit before they got married.  I think people never thought of Corinne as having a boyfriend and it was just wild to them. I was happy to hear she had someone.  I had commented that her boyfriend had picked her up for lunch and I got asked if I saw them kiss.  WHAT?  

How stupid.  I think it was such a jealousy thing that she had someone who would be her husband years later.  I was so happy to hear that they got married.  The mentor thought her husband was a gigolo looking to score a green card.

You know what I heard about the mentor?  He never has sex with his wife anymore.  Yeah.  That's right.  Thanks Trevor for telling me that one even if I did fake pretend throw up in the car that day we went to lunch and blab.  

I made sure to tell the mentor when Corinne got married.  What a clown he was for saying that.  

I know you can't feel blue or sad when you see that.  We don't know what's behind the flowers.