Memories of a Former Life

I'm so bothered by what happened by my appointment the other day.  It was like I was in 8th grade and being mocked for my looks.  This was more smaller microaggressions.

Normally the student takes my jacket and hangs it up somewhere.  She was adamant that I could hang it up on her hook that made my jacket sit on the floor pretty much.  It was ok but I noticed others had their coats hung up. 

This was a salon life appointment. I didn't realize it but normally I get some type of relaxation treatment like a shoulder massage or more time with massage my hair when I get it washed.  I didn't get any of that.

Even though the comments to her instructor weren't what I thought they were, it was clear that she found my hair problematic.  I just kind of checked out mentally and emotionally when she finished up.  I felt like I was a freak she had to deal with.  Her instructor complimented me on my color coming in.  When the student asked if I wanted to take the elevator or stairs, I opted for the stairs.  We would be moving.  No elevator small talk.  It was clear she was done with me and well, I felt the same.

I had wished that I could have taken the tip money off my iphone but I wasn't fast enough. I didn't want to cause a problem with my comments.  I never wanted to have her again.  I don't always get a decent student but this was a different type of bad.  When I explained it to their customer service person, I couldn't hold back the tears.

It was like I was in the 8th grade, being called big nose and ugly.  Just being told I didn't belong.  It wasn't said, but I felt it.  Even when she walked me to the front desk, she took off right away like I had a disease.

It sucks when you're 14 and it hurts when you're 57.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Way Past My Bedtime

 I crashed before Reverend Raphael Warnock's speech.  The power of DVR saved me. I watched it this morning right up to the point where I had to sign in.  It was fantastic.   Hillary was great.  My mom was crying.  It meant a lot to her to have Hillary win that election and she was crushed. I was crushed.  She always fan girls over Hillary.  It was hard for me to decide in 2008 do I go with Barack or Hillary?  She gave a phenomenal speech. I had to watch Joe this morning.  No, I didn't cry like I usually did.  I got a little teary eyed when his daughter finished her speech and introduced him.  That nice man made sure his little boys had a dad that came home every night after they lost their mom and baby sister.  He took his oath of office by their bedsides.  He got a second chance with Jill and having a daughter.  He's such a good human.  Yeah, he looks 81.  He lit that stage on fire with a torch....
Read more

The Dark Things

I sometimes wonder about this when I'm in a brooding mood about how I got treated at a low time in my life.  Or lowest. Would people have been relieved if I just died?   Really.  I have thought the answer was yes.  I'm not talking about my family. I am talking about those who made their discomfort known to me.   They could have had some fake ceremony and a moment of silence.  There wouldn't have been a funeral so they could have forgotten about that part.  They would have excelled at pretending to care about my life if I wasn't here. Then, I had to go do something stupid and survive.  How do we deal with that?  My mentor even mentioned to me, well, you know, none of us have dealt with someone being sick.  Oh, should I get a fucking manual for that?  Excuse the F bomb but that was warranted. When I got my schedule for radiation therapy, I had wanted to talk to my manager about it and find out if it was ok.  I had gotte...
Read more

So Here's the Weekend

 I was having a wishful thinking moment last night when I was writing my postcards.  I was wishing for my imaginary friend that has shades of Stephen Colbert mixed in to show up and go for a walk on this humid July night.  We would talk and maybe check out the food trucks that were at the Farmer's Market last night.  Maybe they would be ok.  Maybe they wouldn't.  We would be getting out of the house and just talking about how our week went for both of us. Maybe we would stop at Pick n' Save and get my mom something she asked for.  He would always know how to talk to my mom and he would be someone she's really comfortable around like Charlie.  We would maybe see Charlie mowing the lawn on his usual Friday night task and talk to him. He might have plans with his kids in the morning so we say our good night with a hug or maybe even something else.  No, I'm not going salacious here.  Get your mind out of the gutter.  Maybe we'd see each...
Read more