A Love Letter

In high school, I had a friend who had a crush on a football player.  I'd sit and hear her gush with the rest of our friends about how she had a crush on this guy.  She was writing him love letters that were anonymous and they were really gross.  When I read them I thought this sounds pornographic.  I don't think a teen guy would be offended by some of this stuff, but this was not attention getting.  I offered to help her write letters.  

No offense to my friend Cheryl, I knew that this football player was above her.  We were in the dipshit crowd.  Everyone was above us but I wanted her to catch his attention with words, even if he wouldn't look at her because he was too busy looking at the cheerleaders.  

I used my writer skills and wrote the letters.  The first one was a hit.  Initially he kind of blew them off and I think he was throwing them in the trash.  Not mine!  One of our friends was showing his friends the letter I would write and was kind of in awe of it.

What did I say?  Well Cheryl put in her letters that seeing him got her wet.  Yeah, we're not going to talk about rain storms in my letters.  There's a better way to say that.  I said my heart skips a beat when I see you.  I smile a little more when I walk past you in the hallway.  The sound of your voice soothes my heart.

He loved it!  I was a hit!  I had no interest in this idiot but I thought I'm good!  Cheryl did sign the letters but he still had no interest in her.  Cheryl deserved better, but at least I gave her some heart to her letters.  I helped make her sound like a more thoughtful person.  She was a decent friend who just wanted someone to like her.  I get it.  I just knew how to put it in words better.

I've never written a secret admirer letter myself.  No way in hell would I have done that even back in high school. I didn't have the nerve so it was fun for me to help Cheryl because well, I didn't know how to help myself.  We would have events where we could buy carnations and send it to someone.  It usually went for maybe one of the sports teams fundraisers or some other club that was raising money.  

One year I was dumb enough to put my name on one to someone I liked.  This person actually liked me initially but once I was interested in, he blew me off.  Cool.  I thought it's Valentine's Day coming up, I'd send him one.  Never said one word.  Awesome.  Makes me love this day all the more.

I did it again for St. Patrick's Day but I had my friend Diana fill it out and leave it blank.  Oh this guy loved it!  He was showing it off to his friends!  Sigh.  So no. I have never sent a love letter with my name or it or anonymous.

If I had to send a love letter as a secret admirer, I will do one for Valentine's Day.  No way this person would ever look at me this way even if they weren't attached, so to speak, but yeah, this is about my crush, so let me see if I can actually  use my love letter skills for myself.

Give me a minute.

My life is ordinary.  I am used to going along and being invisible.  I feel like I'm going through the motions and I'm just used to things being this way.

When I first saw you, I could see the colors in my world change.  I noticed the gold flecks in your warm hazel eyes.  I liked the messiness of your silver streaked hair.  I found myself staring as you talked and I realized I better say something or I'm going to look stupid.

I've had many moments of looking stupid.  I have found myself rambling and blurting out things I shouldn't.  I kick myself once I walk away, thinking I'm never going to do that again but I do. 

And yet, I have felt incredibly comfortable in your presence.  There is a feeling of safety around you that feels like a wall of protectiveness.  I know I'm ok when you're around because I know you won't let anything bad happen. There's a feeling of protective calm around you.    I love the casual appearance that gives you a relaxed feeling.  

I found myself smiling one day when your name was brought up in a conversation.  They spoke highly of you and part of me wanted to say, I totally agree.  You leave a mark that you don't realize.

I know someone else has your heart.  I know there's a happy life that you have that's filled with the love you deserve.  There's no doubt in my mind that when those loved ones see you, their hearts are full because of you.

You're a reminder that goodness does exist.  You're a reminder that kindness is a strength.  You're a reminder that when we want love in our lives, we should look at clear eyes with someone that might be quieter and maybe a little shy.  We should look at someone when they talk, you want to listen because they're interesting.  You're someone who should never be taken for granted.  

I thank you for making me smile a little more after we encounter each other.  My world doesn't seem so grey for a few days after we talk.  I find myself just being in a better mood.  I just like that my world seems a little brighter seeing you.

Not too bad for me is it?  No, we're talking about who this is for.  I go about my life trying not to think about this person after I have any interaction with them but sometimes they slip in my thoughts every so often and I keep wishing Can I clone this person? 

As I've said before, I think they just symbolize what I would like to come across in this life time.  James Van Der Beek's video hit me hard when he said we're all worthy of love.  I am too.  

We're all worthy of love.  

Have a good Valentine's Day good humans.