Anxious Friday

I got up around 4 and felt anxious to fall back asleep. I normally get up around 5 ish.  It depends on my energy.  I figure it's better 5 than 6 because if I keep going back to sleep it'll turn into 7.  I did wake up a little bit before 6.

I kind of feel like there's something going on with the lurker and I am anxious about it.  Curious.  She seems to have like 250 lives.  There was a cryptic message to all of us about sending work information to our personal emails.  Why would I want to have nightmares?  I was puzzled but when we signed off, the lights came on.

There was an incident that the diva told me about involving the lurker and sending work information to her personal information.  Did she do it again?  It wouldn't shock me if she did.  It also wouldn't shock me if she was online this morning.  When I heard the word termination, my mind ran to a joyful possibility.  Like I said, the lurker has 250 lives.  Somehow.  Some way.  She just manages to worm her way back.  Sigh.

I think of all the times she gaslit me with her deception and made me doubt myself.  I would find out later I wasn't the only one. I was a popular one.  She knew I was vulnerable to the group because I wasn't familiar with this region.  She exploited it and made sure to play on my insecurities.  Bravo lurker.  I also fought back on many occasion and according to the diva, the lurker seemed spooked by me at times. I don't think she expected me to catch onto her tactics.  I still don't.  I find myself surprised when I realized she's done something. I have said to those higher than me, my trust is broken with this person. I don't want it to be but every time I think things are ok and moving along, I find a surprise or something gets said that's really inappropriate.

So we'll see.  I am hoping for a good Friday despite it being Friday the 13th.  I tried helping my mom with her Homestead forms and filling out the information.  I'm so confused by it and so is she.  It's because we had two different landlords.  I thought I had it done correctly and had it in an envelope when she discovered I had a copy in there.  I opened it up and said just sort it out and let me know.  She apologized and I went to bed.  I wasn't mad.  I thought just make sure you have the right stuff.  I'll get it mailed and taken care of. I want her to get her money.  Even if we're dinking around this weekend, I took Tuesday afternoon off for a hair cut so I can always make a run to my safe post office and get it mailed.  No biggie.

I kept hearing someone come in and out around 6.  I don't know what that was about.  I suspect it was Charlie and I'm not sure what he was doing.  It didn't snow last night.  My mom was worried maybe she made the guys mad because we had to ask them to sign the form because there was another mistake.  Jeremy got it signed and returned.  It's not their fault.  Our old landlord messed up.  These guys are new to it and honestly, if she would have explained it to them rather than have me do it, it would have maybe gotten sorted out before.  Not blaming my mom but she feels apprehensive about talking to them because they're both kind of timid.  I don't fully understand Homestead so things got lost in my explanation.  I hope next year is easier.  I said at one point I'll pay your deductible and for glasses because I just didn't want to deal with it anymore.  

Our problem with the guys is that we're awkward and shy and they're awkward and shy so yeah, we're a fun group.  I know when I asked Charlie if he would kill bees, I felt like I was intruding even though he says it's ok.  No, I don't miss the monster.  Yeah, it is a little bit of a struggle because we're just unsure. I know they want to get another duplex in another year or so and live there.  I trust their judgment for renting to people way better than the Great Fava.  They're nice guys.   I wish they weren't so timid.  I don't think I'm timid.  I always feel bad when I have to ask anyone for anything because I feel like I'm imposing.  It doesn't help when I've asked for help that I've been ignored way too many times so that's my struggle.

Sigh.  Let this be a good day.  Even if the lurker is online.  I'm rolling my eyes as I say this in my head.

I hope the good humans have a good day.   

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