The Invisible Woman Chronicles

 It's been a decent day.  On the way home from Wal-Mart, the passenger window fell and is now kind of dangling.  I'm not sure if it's ready to make a break.  We're going to look and see if we can tape it together for now.  My mom had it kind of positioned and was holding.  It's had enough. I get it.  I had enough too. I know all I can do is wait now.  It really sucks, but eh, it's not like I'm driving to the office.  I had one appointment today and I cancelled.  I'll wait and see what happens before I make any.  I'm not changing any doctor stuff but obviously my eyebrows growing together can wait. I got a razor.  I might go punk rock if all else fails. I drove to downtown and parked in a Pick n' Save parking lot and walked. I walked over to the building that we were supposed to move in maybe 2 years ago if the pandemic hadn't happened. I saw the sign and name of the realtor that is selling the building.  It was a shame....

 I watched some videos of a young gay man playing beauty shop with his twin toddlers.  It was the cutest thing.  He put bows in the little girl's hair and then the boy's hair.  I follow him now on Instagram.  I figure if I need to see something sweet, I'll look at his page. I'll admit that I didn't understand men kissing or women kissing each other growing up, it was all so unusual to me back in the 80s but I was used to it.  The big scandal in our school was that the gym teacher and my English teacher lived together.  Our band teacher lived with the theatre teacher.  They were our teachers and they were good teachers.   When I was a junior, my friend Joan and I got switched to a class with all seniors and we were a minority as girls.  It was great.  Cute senior boys.  I think my favorite ones were two guys. I had a crush on one and I kind of suspected his friend was gay.  I was right about his friend but I wasn't rig...

 I won't do my usual route.  I am kind of apprehensive about driving not because of the accident but because of what happened on Thursday. I had taken the freeway part of the way and I have my route to the car place that I would take.  I was going down street hoping to head north shortly and I saw a car that seemed to be in my blind spot and kind of creeping on me.  It was like they wouldn't let me through.  There was something off.  I keep heading west and I saw the guy heading in the direction I was meant to go and he waved at me.  It was creepy.  I don't know if it had something to do with the car or just a weird person.  I was a little unnerved about the person that approached me in the parking lot at Wal-Mart.   Whatever rental car I get, I don't want to use the car unless it's necessary.  I'm just apprehensive about a lot of things related to driving.   I thought I would drive to the downtown area and find the b...

I did get my walk in today and walked to Walgreens on 60th and Greenfield and yep, someone tried to hustle me for money.  I'm sorry if the woman needs money.  I apologized and went in.  It seems like she got someone when I walked out.  I bought a small bag of Swedish fish for me and mom and put it in my purse.  I don't carry any paper money with me and anyone would get sad using my credit card.   Yeah, I kind of miss getting out first thing in the morning and taking off for the money after a long week.  I can still do it if I'm that anxious but I'm not.  Weird how something like being able to take a drive seems like a luxury at the moment.  I just don't want to drive my car that much.  My neighbor across the alley stopped us when we were leaving for Aldi's and asked me what happened. I said remember when I joked about hitting by the semi last week?  I wasn't joking.  He works on cars and his wife had a smaller car that got...

 For a long time, I despised what we did at the office for the holidays.  Why?  Because it got shoved down our throats.  We all had to do something stupid.  Not everyone was going to get a new ring or watch or car for Christmas.  And hey, guess what?  Some people don't celebrate Christmas, ever think of that?  The lovely attorney I worked with before covid hit was of the Jewish faith.  She whispered to me one day about all this Christmas hoopla, do they know how offensive this can be?  I'm not sure how her and her family celebrated, but it also not my business.  I am that person who will say Happy Holidays.  I'm quite offensive to many people. When I started working there, the first attorney I worked for talked about a war on Christmas.  I had no idea what he meant.  I said you should be able to say that. I say whatever pops up into my head.  I found out later that Fox News or Faux News and that clown Bill O'Reil...

No cruising on the freeway for me this morning and taking a leisurely walk to view Lake Michigan.  A trip to Aldis with my mom and then a walk on my own with my Audible book.  Budget girl summer for me.   I'm just feeling kind of off this morning.  I overslept and I was ok with it.  I could always use extra sleep time because I seem to lack it during the week. I wound up watching an episode of Celebrity Family Feud from Christmas because the news just upset me. I know?  Why do I watch so much of it?  I like to punish myself maybe?  I did watch Lawrence O'Donnell.  He always kind of puts things in perspective in a nice way.  Some of the others, like Joy Reid, I don't need to hear the scaring is sharing stories.  I'm good over here.  Really.  I can scare myself.   I watched a video of Officer Harry Dunn speak up for Joe.  I love that guy.  I don't like the fact that AIPAC dumped a bunch of money to h...

The landlord was here and apparently whatever it was?  Was an easy fix.  It's like I just have to tap and whoosh!  Small victory.  I can take that. I'm not sure how I feel about the debate last night.  Yes, I saw Joe's age.  I feel bad.  I kept the news off most of the day.  I'm worried about everything.  I guess we shall see what happens.  I think Joe will make a comeback.  It's my hope. Corinne is ready to move to Canada.  She has relatives in Canada so yeah, I don't blame her.  Take me please.   The world just seems to kind of upside down and I feel like I'll never be on the right side.  I am feeling discouraged about a lot this week.  I should be excited about having family coming soon and my heart is not there. I told Corinne about the car and sent her pictures today.  She was horrified.  What am I not seeing that others are seeing?  When I found a picture of the type of truck that h...

 I'm not going to answer any questions about my accident.  I knew I threw it out there.  I know fake concern when I see it.  Hello lurker.  I see you. I'm upset that why is it some people can do what they want to do and there's no punishment or consequences for what they do?  I'm angry about the semi that sped up and took off. I could barely see the license plate and he jumped the damn median.  I thought now I have to go all through this waiting, paperwork, getting my rates raised because someone else wasn't paying attention.  I realized, I don't know how I'm going to get to Enterprise to rent a car because I don't have anyone to follow me out to the body shop.  I know my sister and brother in-law will be here, but what fun for them.  And depending on how long, they'll be gone and I'll probably have to Uber to get my car back after I return the rental.  This sucks.  This really sucks. It's like the staying late until 5 one nigh...

 The democrats who want Joe to step down so just stop.  Yeah, I was nervous initially watching the debate because it seemed like Joe stumbled.  Personally, I know my head isn't clear when I have a cold and concentration is a challenge.  I'm sick of the declining old man when we got Grandpa Crazy never shutting up. Was it a great performance?  No.  It got better and Scranton Joe threw some zingers in and I like seeing the smile when he would listen to Trump lie and lie and lie.  Didn't answer too many questions.  He just deflected. I was shocked at what people said about Joe.  I thought this is the problem with the part.  Stick behind your person 100%.  Or 200%.  The lack of loyalty with some irritate me. I do worry about Joe being sick like Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  I want him to enjoy life and I know that has to be stressful.  If it's a job he still wants to do, I'm behind him.  I got his back.  Bless Gavin New...

 Last night, I cut my underarm shaving what little hair I had.  Same arm.  I should just give it a rest and let my underarms look like the chick from the 99 Balloons from the 80s.  Almost said 90s.  I'm old.  

 Only $6252.44 to get my car fixed.  Wow. I thought maybe a couple grand.  My sister keeps saying it looked so damaged.  Well because it's a darker color it doesn't look like it but yeah, my car got its ass kicked by a semi.   I hate Google Maps. I didn't realize that there was a body shop behind Andrews and the guy gave me some strange directions. How about drive around the lot and hang a right?  I wound up back on the street trying to figure it out until I pulled over and called.  I don't feel dumb at all. I dropped a cherry bomb when I signed out at noon.  I didn't really tell anyone what had happened.  I was actually going to go for a hair cut today but because of Summerfest I had changed it to last Friday.  Wish I would have stuck to that plan.  I just said got to find out how much damage that semi did to my car.  The lurker will probably try looking up my claim.  Yeah.  That's what she does.  Surprise ...

 The debate and the car dealer. I don't look forward to either one.  Maybe the debate.  Depends on if Scranton Joe shows up.  That might be funny. When I had talked to the claims adjuster about what had happened on Friday, I said I kept driving and I was scared something was going to happen to my car on the freeway because I didn't know what was damaged.  I didn't know if something was going to fall off and I just wanted to get home and see it.  I thought what if my engine falls out?  I had all these horrible things going through my mind because it was all of a sudden and I could keep driving, but I didn't know for how long.   I think Oh, I can drive on the freeway.  I'm ok with driving and then someone does something stupid on the road and makes me never want to leave the house again.  It's a process that I have to get through. I'll have to work on more ick stuff before I leave.  Trudge my way through.  Hopefully I'm not ...

It was over something so small and insignificant. I thought the lurker did it but turned out it was the one who made me nervous who reported me for a mistake.  I was feeling frustrated by someone not responding to my messages and then we have a plumbing problem again.  It seems to be ok now but the timing of a message popping up on my screen did me in while I was leaving a message for the person I couldn't get a hold of and kind of forgot what I was saying when I read the message. Someone said there's so many things happening that mistakes will happen.  It just got to me today.  It was between the plumbing here, the monster down stairs, the passenger side of my door looking banged up, feeling trapped and stressed.  I couldn't take it. I thought I got to show my face on screen and I thought I don't care if I have a puffy face or red eyes. I am so tired of others not turning their screen on when we were told to do it.  It's just stupid stuff that upset me mor...

 I'm feeling better.  Not sure what I'm feeling this morning other than eh, it's midweek.  One more day until the debate.  Wishing for the Orange Goon to act like a loon for the independent voters who are unsure.  What are you unsure about?  He's crazy. I think my mom telling me last night that the monster will never leave made me feel kind of frustrated.  She says random things like this but he does seem like he has 95 lives. I take it he paid for his rent with some stolen down payments.  He has been exhausting and what's truly wild is I never dreamed he would be this monster. I don't think anyone in the neighborhood thought that.  The few people that knew him said he seemed so nice when he moved in.  I was glad to have him and his then girlfriend at the time move in. I am anxious about going to Andrews Toyota tomorrow.  I thought maybe I would exit off of the North Avenue exit and find my way there.  Have I said that ten time...

 I felt sad when I got ready for bed. Didn't cry. Just felt sad. I've been trying to keep a calm and steady attitude this week and get through everything. Just wishing things weren't always a struggle. I'm over being challenged by life. Can I get a few moments of easy times and no worries? Just feel a little lonely. It'll pass. Its not something I would want to admit to people because they always say why don't you join a little group for people like you? Really? Or I just get ignored because well I'm Invisible woman. 

 I looked at who was at Summerfest.  No clue.  No clue as to the majority of acts performing.  I knew I was old.  Just really feeling it. I thought Darling Nikki by Prince was a scandalous song when I was younger.  A lot younger.  I'm so glad I don't turn the radio on.  I will admit I did know who Sza was because I watched the Grammys this year.  I know who Cardi B is and I'm so sorry I do. I don't know who thought the song WAP was about female empowerment. I had downloaded a song with Bruno Mars and Cardi B and thought it was ok.  I wound up deleting one from how graphic it was.  And why does anyone care that Cardi B isn't going to endorse Joe Biden?  Do we care?  Didn't she throw a microphone at someone that threw a drink at her?  I looked up the lyrics for WAP and thought, what am I missing?  Why is this female empowerment?  Am I that old? I had all of Alanis Morissette's music back in the 90s.  I go...

 At least the day is ending soon.  I didn't start off so well.  I picked up something as a rush and completely misunderstood what was being asked.  It was with the person who makes me nervous.  Welcome back from vacation.  Ugh.  I took accountability. The monster was gone all day and it was nice.  We wondered what about the dogs?  We heard them crying and wondered if they needed to go out.  He shouldn't have anything.  He's horrible.   We went to Cermak and got peaches.  No, not the one shut down back in February for having a live animal circus.  I don't want to know what may lurk at this location and hopefully it's nothing.  They do have good prices.  People are nice.  Why oh why did their Walker's Point store have to be such a mess?  That was a beautiful store.   I'm nervous for the debate but I want Trump to act like the lunatic he is.  No controlled and measured.  Show ...

 I just saw the monster take his girlfriend to work in her car.  How sweet of him.  Taking her to work in her car while he keeps it all day.  What a jerk.  I'm going to guess he got her car in an accident because he was high and not paying attention. I saw him take off one day in winter and he hadn't brushed his car off.  Hopefully he's back out trying to get people to buy his scam.  And then they arrest him.  I don't like the idea that he's doing that. I don't like the idea of him being in the house all day and getting the dogs riled up.  It was so nice yesterday to work and not hear dogs barking all afternoon.  Nice dogs.  Rotten owner. I feel bad when I say Shut up! when they keep going and going.  Not their fault.  They deserve better homes. My tiny tiger cat seems to be ok. I barely got out of bed when she jumped up on my dresser and waited for her plate with cream cheese.  What a relief to have the bitch back....

 Lots of things going on but not totally chaotic.  Called my agent's office and apologized for hanging up on the person who tried to talk to me and I was having my meltdown.  I wasn't sure what steps I needed to take but I accept the fact that my insurance will go up come October.  She said she would contact Secura and call me.  She did not and it's ok because my insurance company called me and got a claim set up.  I will also have a claims adjuster contacting me at some point.   Busy day but not a horrible day.  The lurker wasn't lurking and their friend will not be lurking until later in the week so I'll take that as a win.  I kind of suspect something is up with my lead.  I'm not sure what, but I have a feeling she may be on leave soon.  Could totally be wrong.  I don't want the lurker lurking more, but we shall see if my suspicions are correct. The monster strikes again.  He took one of the light bulbs we use out....

 If worrying were an Olympic sport, I would have a lot of gold medals.  Sigh.  I think Precious is ok. I think she is being a cat with her food and well, she's a senior.  She was eating her dry food last night when I went to bed.  Her flopping down on the floor and almost going to sleep, waiting for me to come back with new food worried me.  I also remember, she is a cat and I'm apparently her staff.  She is kind of my shadow too and I'm not sure if she senses something happened this weekend.  She will follow me from room to room like a bodyguard.  She's sleeping peacefully by the window now, wondering why my lazy ass isn't working.  Yeah.  I'm her staff. I had a  dermatologist tell me I could benefit from a lot of botox and pointed out the two lines between my eyebrows.  I told him it's been there since the third grade.  Math was hard.  He found it amusing that apparently that I had a lot of problems with my fac...

 And it's not about the semi.   I gave Precious some food tonight and she didn't want to eat it.  Then she sat there and wanted something else. I thought does she want some treats?  Dry food?  It was kind of panicking me that she would follow me from room to room and then sit there, not wanting to eat.  All I had for moist food was the stuff I got from Pet Supplies Plus. I pulled out some these Temptations spoons that had moist food and put one in a dish.  She ate all three and then she sat there.  I thought, maybe I should get some food.  I'm six blocks from the grocery store and getting a walk in is always a good thing.  Unless a semi comes down National Avenue. When I came back, she was actually sleeping in a spot in my room where she normally eats, waiting for me.  It kind of broke my heart.  I got her some Friskies and tried to find some different varieties.  She seemed to be ok and eat some.  Then she walke...

 I was watching some documentaries on feuds between celebrities.  I know.  Trash.  They were, but kept my mind off of things.  I watched one with Scooter Braun and Taylor Swift.  It played the two sides of the story.  Who do I believe?  I believe Taylor.  I don't know about this record deal mumbo jumbo stuff but it just sounds like something shifty happened.  I am not a Swifty fan. I have a few songs downloaded on my iPhone, but I was shocked when I heard how much people paid.  She is generous with donating to food banks, she gets young people excited about voting and yeah, I'll take her a role model over Kim Kardashian.  Young girls, please stop it with the lips pushed out selfies.  Back to my point, the speech Taylor gave about being bullied and how there's a perception of this man who is perceived as such a good guy and he's always been nice to me reminded me of the whole perception thing.    I got a story....

 Happiness was finding my Sun Chips with Cheese and Tomato flavor and watching a documentary on Britney Spears and her dad.  I did return my book. I didn't get the walking in like I normally like, but I got my 10,000 steps going from store to store using my ShopKick app.  I just wanted to drive and feel ok with driving.  I did not take any freeways.   I had wondered if I should have stopped at the clinic in my neighborhood to see if I was ok on Friday. I didn't think of it until this morning, but I feel ok and I know that doesn't mean anything.  I had gotten some pain pills, maybe like a jacked up version of Aleve and something else, but I stopped with the something else pill after a couple of days.  I was ok. I had three sessions of physical therapy and since then I've been ok.  Off and on, I don't have great days but they're not bad.  Just aches and I'm exactly 25 or 45.  I felt more shock and thankful that it was the passenger si...

 I'm kind of regretting calling myself boring as a bad thing because I do seem to have things that are out of the ordinary happen.  I'm ok with going back to boring.  If it seems like something eventful happening, it's not a good thing.  I know I can drop my library book off at the library down the street but I had a mishap with two libraries trying to charge my mom $28 for a book I returned last summer. She took out a book for me and I read most of it.  It was from a former Republican, Stuart Stevens and it was actually Corinne who told me about the book.  I knew the due date was close and I kind of got the gist of the book so I walked it back one morning. About two weeks later, I get a notice that the book was overdue.  It actually came from the Wauwatosa library so I thought maybe it hadn't arrived yet.  I wasn't sure.   Then the next notice was one for $28 and I made some phone calls.  West Allis was not the least bit helpful so...

Taking a nap helps.  We did our usual thing by going to Wal-mart for a few groceries and came home.  I was watching a couple of celebrity scandal shows and just went to sleep for a half hour.  Still tired, but I feel better.   And no, I don't feel like driving on the freeway tomorrow to go for a walk by Lake Michigan.  I'll take city streets.  I felt better driving.  I can see the light flash on the passenger side when cars pass me or in my zone and I take that as a good zone. I had parked by a cart corral and I couldn't see the damage until we got closer.  We'll see.  Hope for the best and prepare for the worst, I guess? I have a book to return at the East library and I just want to take it back.  I'm sorry I didn't yesterday.  I'll finish it tonight.  I was actually going to take some of my postcards today and go to the library, sit down for like a half hour and maybe write like a bunch of cards.  That's such a nice...

 I hope everyone else had a better morning. I got a police report in the system.  I didn't even think of the video. I doubt that they would have it.  I'm really not sure.  Overwhelmed, overwhelmed and overwhelmed. And I hate Google Maps.  I set the address in there to find it and I wound up in a stupid part somewhere in Wauwatosa.  How in the world did that happen?  I realized I passed it without seeing that I passed it.  I found my way over to Mayfair Road and pulled into the post office.  I thought Ok.  I know where Watertown Plank Road is.  I can hang a left and look for the numbers.  What do you know?  Common sense found it. My mom called as I got out of my car.  She apologized and I said it's ok.  I said we would have wound up lost in a park, she would have asked, why are we here and I would have broke down crying.  I would save that later for Mr. Police Officer.   I walked in and it was an em...

 I never had an interest in having a fancy car.  I wanted one of my own and when I did, I went with dependable cars like a Mazda.  I can't think of what would be comparable to the Corolla but once I went with the Toyota Corolla, I was perfectly happy with that. I had heard long ago that cops seemed to ticket more red cars for some reason.  I'll admit I had a lead foot at times when I was younger but it seemed like once I got my own car, I was more mindful and where I worked made me more aware.  Yeah, I had a couple of speeding tickets and I take no pride in that. I made mistakes and I still make mistakes.  When we were cutting through the Walmart parking lot, my mom told me I ran through a stop sign. I didn't realize one was there. I was watching someone cross and I was making sure I slowed down.  I was trying at least. I felt stupid.  I still wonder did I do something that caused what happened yesterday? It was a big deal when I got this car. I h...

 Yeah. Here come the tears. I need a hug. I am sad

 Until I got bitch slapped by the back end of a semi.  For the life of me I wish I knew what or who this semi belonged to.  It's making me crazy. I was worried about it being congested when I left downtown because of Summerfest.  I should have turned around and went home.  I thought about going for a walk and I realized it was maybe too late and got a Starbucks.  I headed over to the post office off of Capitol and then I made the mistake of getting on the freeway.  If I ever see a semi, I don't care if it's going 30 miles an hour, I'm going 25 miles an hour.  I'm cautious with trucks, buses and big vehicles.  I just didn't realize how narrow the lanes appeared because of construction until I heard the crunch.  I never blew the horn or yelled.  I was shook.  Still shook.   My sister is freaking me out by saying it'll be thousands.  She didn't want to make me sad.  That's my middle name.  It's ok. ...

 I felt like crying when I drove my mom home from the doctor's office.  There was an accident and I said I want to take a side street and avoid it.  That was messed up because everyone else had the same idea.  Then I could see someone swerving behind me, trying to get around me so I pulled over and let him pass. We were going to talk to the people at the police station near our house but that's not open to the public.  So I called one of the police districts and asked questions.  They got me to the sheriff's office and I have 24 hours to file. I got the address of where to go and I will be up and out by 8 tomorrow.  When I went online, I thought How do I know if the damage will be more than $1000?  I won't know until Thursday.  They couldn't take me in today.  So I don't know if I have any options but I can try.   My mom seems to think it doesn't look too bad.  If I can just get the mirror fixed.   I don't why pe...

 I am at doctors office for my mom. Still feel kind of shaky. We are going to stop at a small police station near our home and ask how should I file a police report?  Can they get the DOT camera? My mom looked at the damage. She didn't think it was as bad as my sister did  I felt white knuckled all the way over here. I am worried

 I hope there's a special in hell for the driver who did that today. I thought almost got hit by a car was scandalous.  I got hit or side swiped on the freeway by a semi who was merging into my lane all of a sudden and sped when they realized they hit me.   My passenger mirror got hit, the passenger door looks banged up.  Lots of white streaks on the car.  Yeah. I was lucky. I was shook up and shocked. I tried to get the license plate but the semi actually jumped the median where it splits between 94 and 894.  I thought I have to get home. I have to make it home. I don't know what to do.  I could see my mirror was hanging on the passenger side and I didn't know what to do.  I was scared.  So scared and stunned. When I got out I was afraid to see what had happened.  I was relieved the front looked ok.  Hopefully it is.  The passenger side is a mess with scrapes and it looked like the semi took a tiny chunk of the passenger ...

 Not sure how I'm feeling today.  There's a bit of annoyance, but it's nothing I can't get over.  At least for the moment.  It's really small but it's big in my head.  I am making it bigger and I need to squash it. New changes bring new ideas that I don't always agree but I got to live with it.  Things went fine today but once again, the comparison factor played a role in my annoyance.  It's all good, but it's a reminder that the lurker is a cheater. I caught the lurker putting her name on a task when I knew someone finished it some time ago.  It was something that came in for me when I was out.  I changed it to the person who helped me that day.  That's! What the lurker does.  Sneaks and takes credit.   I was asked about how things were with her.  I know there's an expectation that I should learn to trust the lurker but that will never happen.  It wasn't one incident.  It was several little incidents that p...

 I felt frustrated last night and a bit depressed when I went to sleep last night.  I woke up and could feel the stress in my jaw and my aching head.  Yeah, someone and their TMJ went to town last night from stress.  Thank you Tylenol.  I have a monthly one on one meeting where I get kind of a report card on how I do.  Overall, as an individual, I do fine.  As a group, not so much.  I know why.  I hope that isn't held against me and worry it may be especially when I know what people are doing and how they are getting ahead number wise. The lurker really got to me yesterday.  It wasn't affecting me directly but it was just a I had enough moment.  We have weekly meetings with another group and we had someone show us to fill out a form online.  The lurker wouldn't stop talking.  She never turns her camera on and others didn't have their camera on so I got to the point where I turned mine off and muted myself.   When...

 Years ago I quit an anti depressant cold turkey because someone made me feel bad about it. Oh those doctors want to drug you up and you should try some natural ways to feel better. It made me feel more freakish than normal. I was feeling better about life so I did it and I had withdrawal for about a couple of weeks. I had found something I was ok with. The first one I tried made me feel horrible but this one did give me energy. I quit because I felt like I was a weak person. I know thats not true.  I don't know why I feel like I have to feel ashamed to admit it.  I do feel awful that someone shamed me into stopping. It would really be nice if people weren't so judgmental