To Those Who Always Get Their Way

 I felt frustrated last night and a bit depressed when I went to sleep last night.  I woke up and could feel the stress in my jaw and my aching head.  Yeah, someone and their TMJ went to town last night from stress.  Thank you Tylenol. 

I have a monthly one on one meeting where I get kind of a report card on how I do.  Overall, as an individual, I do fine.  As a group, not so much.  I know why.  I hope that isn't held against me and worry it may be especially when I know what people are doing and how they are getting ahead number wise.

The lurker really got to me yesterday.  It wasn't affecting me directly but it was just a I had enough moment.  We have weekly meetings with another group and we had someone show us to fill out a form online.  The lurker wouldn't stop talking.  She never turns her camera on and others didn't have their camera on so I got to the point where I turned mine off and muted myself.  

Whenever I took a day off when I had my old assignment, the lurker would send me emails and highlight things that I would miss.  I would find emails that were a little bit of a hit against me and how I do things.

I just get tired of people like that.  Those who always get their way because they don't stop with their aggressive ways.  When I was slowly shifting over to my new assignment, she had gone into one of my accounts and I got an invoice.  I wouldn't normally think anything of it because people make mistakes.  I got a message that someone was asking her about something I did and I JUST HAD ENOUGH.  I gave in and told the powers that she can have it.  I'm done.  I talked about the 2 years of harassment I dealt with.  I guess maybe it wasn't harassment, but it was like this little picking away at me and making me doubt myself all the time.  When I found out I had made an innocent mistake that was discussed in a group setting, I just felt like crying.  I did later, but I just felt tired.  Has it been better in the last six months?  Yeah.  I had a moment of frustration yesterday and it's spilling over today.

I am so tired of those who always get their way with their constant picking away and their aggressiveness.  I think the news got to me last night hearing Roger Stone talk to someone on a recording.  I'm just so tired of struggling and when I do get something?  Those who are so aggressive have to find a way to take that moment away from me.

Years ago, there was a call made that I was being favored for getting an assignment. I suspect maybe it was Frick's involvement.  I'm not sure.  That's the hand I have been dealt with when it comes to people.  I get tired of it.

My sister has some interesting in-laws and I'm being kind when I say that.  Her brother in-law's wife used to go to the same dentist I did.  I actually hid behind a magazine about 11 years ago and moved away from where she was sitting.  I didn't think she recognized me because it had maybe been about 10 years since she saw me?  I confessed to my sister recently what I did and she thought it was funny.  She's that very aggressive and persistent woman that won't stop with the questions and is quite intrusive.  I'm already worried that I might have a cavity or need other dental work, don't add to my anxiety lady.

And then there was Irma who was so persistent in wanting me to tell her my medical history so she could gossip about me.  She made sure to make me feel bad every chance she got and made sure to bring up my mental health.  Yeah.  That still makes me sore.  I don't miss seeing that witch.

I understand boundaries. I'm happy for people when they succeed even if I feel a little envious. I don't pry into people's business.  If someone wants to confide in me, I respect their privacy. I don't run to someone and blab like a 9th grade school girl.

I don't get my way. I earn my way and I get so tired of being stepped on.  I'd like to throw a shoe at some of those people but I like my shoes too much to waste them.

I dislike greedy and aggressive people. 

Have a good day good humans.