The Invisible Woman Chronicles

It was a better weekend after that phone call on Friday.  Life is tough and there's more road blocks, I'm sure.  I just really am happy when we can get a win.  Small or big.   I had a small victory this morning.  For about six years, I had this damn thing of kitty litter in the trunk of my car.  My mom always said don't say no if someone offers you something.  This attorney asked me if I could use some litter for my cat because they had just put one of their cats down and she didn't know what to do with what they had.  It was about 40 pounds and she helped put it in my car.  Well it never went anywhere in six years.  There was no way I could have brought it upstairs and my mom thought maybe I could use it during the winter months when I drove to work.  Well this was in March 2020 and we all know how that turned out.  I thought how do I get something heavy out like that?  Where do I dump it?   I found a dumps...

 I called Aurora Healthcare yesterday morning to at least get the information my mom might need to apply for financial assistance. I spoke to a nice woman and I explained our situation as well.  She said "You're a team."  I said yeah.  We are.  I felt hopeful. We got the information that was needed and I called later in the day.  She had gotten approved for assistance and I told the second woman I should probably have you talk to her so she knows what she's been approved for. The bill or bills are being completely written off. Yeah.  You heard it.  She owes zero.  I cried a little bit because well, that's what I do best.  Things like this don't happen.  We wind up having to sell something to pay for something.   It was just a really good day yesterday.  Still can't believe it.  

 I'm so sick of spoiled women.  I feel run over.   I was having a bad day yesterday and I actually started crying in Monterey Market.  I felt bad because my mom is overwhelmed by the hospital bill.  We don't know if it's a good idea if she should apply for Medicaid and that maybe we should go to the hospital for help.  She said it just seems like we're never meant to have any money.   I got asked yesterday for help with an assignment that really isn't supposed to be starting for a couple of weeks.  I didn't mind because there is something I would really like to avoid. What do you know?  Frack reaches out to me.  It's a nice message asking for help and it's ok if they don't get it.  Ok.  You're not getting it.  They shouldn't be reaching out to me.  They should be reaching out to managers. I was just so taken advantage of when I was in the office.  It was always about everyone else being happy but it's o...

I've been actually taking a break on my evening walks at Monterrey Market.  I have set my goal to walk there every night if I can, weather permitting and walk back.  It's about .9 mile and if I stop at Dollar Tree or the grocery store, it adds more to my walk.  It's nice to do and I feel good doing it.  On Friday night, I was so tired from staying up late that I sat down in their food area and played a video game for about 15 minutes.  I've been making it a habit the last couple of nights.   They have some ice cream stand and a place where you can get tacos and other food.  Other people are sitting there eating.  The ice cream is kind of expensive and well, I should pass on more sweets or I know I should but I noticed the 99 cent tacos on Mondays.  Or is it Tuesdays?  I don't know. I might try it some time.  I'm happy to see people there because honestly, the prices are expensive.  I have found some fruit at a reasonable p...

I wanted to clarify my last post.  Never went to prom or any dances in school and I'm actually ok with that.  When you hear about what my classmates would do, you think, I'm good.  Maybe one of these days I'll go buy myself some mascara and give all the customers a thrill at CVS on Downer while my eyes turn into racoons from the heat.  I do miss my mascara and yeah, it would be nice if I got asked to do something that involved dressing up and wasn't for work. I do keep some work clothes that fit me because there might be a reason I got to do something or something changes.  I'll be happy to burn them when retirement shows up.  I'll admit I didn't have to dress up like I did at other jobs.  When I found out I could wear sandals, I thought I won the lottery.  People would get written up for showing their feet at my previous job.  Gasp! I don't look forward to my day because it involves me talking to people and well, I don't have much to say at ...

Today, I threw out the make up stash that I had for eBay when I was trying to flip items.  Yeah. I forgot make up had a shelf life even when it's sealed.  I was tossing stuff here and there and finally I dumped it.  I could tell some of the lipsticks were melting when I opened them.  Sigh.  Yeah.  That didn't end well. I made some money but spent more.  It was just a horrible idea.  I thought what do I know about make up these days?  I don't go to an office.  I do have some glimmer balm from Bobbie Brown that I go to use for days I had meetings to look a little livelier and maybe if I had an appointment.  Other that that, I just make sure I moisturize and use spf.   I do miss wearing make up but like the make up melting in my closet, a lot of it doesn't have a shelf life.  The thing I love has the shortest - mascara.  I miss wearing mascara.  No, I won't do fake eye lashes.  They look insane on young pe...

 Oh, I dread signing in.  Totally. I sent out a message asking for help before I signed off.  We'll see who listens.  Nobody. I thought at least I threw it out there. I did it after the diva signed off for her 2 weeks.  I didn't want her to say I'll stay online and sacrifice my errands time for Connie.  She knows how to make me feel bad.  I appreciate her saying I got you when she does offer help but I also want to ask, Do you really?  She disappoints me so much. I hope she does have a decent time.  She has been better with me since the lurker left but I really hate that she chose the bully to feel more important.  She still has her love fest with Regina but that's a little easier to take than it used to be. I thought it would be nice to have someone I could talk to during the day once in awhile when things got tough.  The diva isn't that much older than me even though she told me she was younger.  I don't know why I have expec...

It's really just a morning but my mom said that I can use it to bum.  Well when gas is over $4, I don't think I'll be doing that.  I will be going to the east side and my big luxury will be going to Metro Market in Shorewood to see how their strawberries look.  Their produce sometimes looks way better than ours so I'll see.  I know. I can hardly contain my excitement.  I'll do it after my walk this morning. I have to get to some postcards fast this week. I didn't realize my mailing date was next week and I just barely am half way done.  The nerd in me ordered more blue Sharpie pens to use my fancy writing.  My penmanship has greatly improved since I started doing this. Looks like Precious is going to pound on the window until I open it up. I might even use my Starbucks gift card today after Metro Market. I can hardly contain my exciting life. Have a good day good humans. 

It was actually a nice walk through downtown. I walked more down Wisconsin Avenue and kind of headed towards the east side.  The problem with downtown is that sometimes you do come across people trying to hustle you.  Yeah.  I'm all hustled out. I'm just too tired for that nonsense. When I walked back to where I was parked, I had the right to walk but I didn't.  There was a car that was in the walkway and I figured I'll just wait.  I didn't feel like walking in front of their car.  The guy saw me and smiled.  Then he said something to his wife and smiled.  They looked at me and I thought why are you looking at me?  Do I look like an idiot?  I felt like it.  I wasn't going to say any obscenities.  I thought if you're in a big hurry, just go.  My mom thought it was more of a feeling guilty that the driver knew they were in the wrong. I thought am I dressed funny?  I had originally had a zip up sweatshirt that I tied aro...

So thankful and grateful for a three day weekend. I felt whipped when I signed off.  Granted, I had like maybe 5 hours sleep at the most?  I still went for a long walk but oh my lord did I sleep Friday night.  I took a short nap when I got home from my walk which felt nice.  It was worth staying up for Stephen Colbert's last show. 6.74 million viewers.  Wow. I sat down when I got to Monterrey Market on Friday night.  They have an area where people can eat their food. I think they have some type of deli where you can get a nice meal and a stand for ice cream. I got neither. I just wanted to rest my tired old self and play video games on my phone but I went back on my slow walk home.  It was nice to just chill out for about 15 minutes.   It's been too much since the lurker has left.  No, I don't have any sad feelings about the lurker.  She did help with my area even though she interfered with my stuff.  Don't miss her.  Don'...

I can't believe I stayed up late last night to watch the final episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.  I thought I want to be a good viewer and drive the ratings up. I really couldn't wait until morning.  I really am feeling tired this morning since it's been a long time since I stayed up that late.  Well I blame Letterman for having dark circles under my eyes.  What a great show. I was hoping it would be someone who wasn't political.  I love Paul McCartney for showing up. I loved seeing Jon Baptiste return as well.  Yeah. I cried some tears last night about how this happened.  I ask for so little during this nightmare regime and the one thing that gave me a little solace and brought me joy and humor has ended.  I'll still find my joy but I hate that this particular joy ended.   Stephen Colbert will be back and I'll be there to watch.  He'll have something that the orange goon never will have.  Being loved for his kindn...

I am crawling towards the end of the week and will be so happy when it ends.  It's been a lot slugging through my assignments and today I just don't want to talk to anyone but that's not the case for me.  Damn it. It appears Regina seems to be lost without her little friend the lurker.  I'm not sure how she'll fare with the new changes but I don't care.  She's never bothered to help a single person since she's started unless you were the lurker.   It was nice to be off on Tuesday afternoon to get a hair cut but I tell you, I hate parking meters. I really wish the school would be open on a Saturday.  I didn't have enough time to park where I have and just walk through downtown. I thought I'd be ok with the meter but I couldn't seem to get my debit card to slide and the meter to take it. I wound up going to a lot and parking where it was easier.  More expensive.  I'll plan better next time.  Luckily I made it on time with me messing around...

 I know I may be putting myself at risk by doing this blog.  I kind of tried to keep it more neutral at first and put a sunnier side on it.  The truth is my feelings are messy, my life is messy and well people I've know haven't been that great to me at times.  I think if someone were to call me out about it, I'd have to ask, do you really admit that you're that awful person who left me at the airport because you're a drunk?  Nah.  Go away.  I try to keep names out. I don't know how the views work or if anyone reads it. I'm ok if people read it. I'd like to hope that if someone came across it some night that they'd say Oh, I can relate to her.  I get it.  I totally get it.  I sometimes do wish there was someone out there.  A guy.  Maybe reading this and thinking I get what she's saying and I like her.  She has depth.  She has character.  I know you got to be careful for wishing for a secret admirer, but in my fert...

I always felt like I was so demanding if I asked for something.  I always felt like I was too much if maybe I asked why didn't you call?  Or are things ok?  I just stopped asking if a period of time passed. I would think.  Well they're done with me.   During my 2nd year at college, my boyfriend was going to a bar with some friends one evening. I really hadn't seen much of him and I really wasn't crazy about the bar that he was going to.  I joked about how trashy it was and I didn't really sense anything was wrong until I got picked up the next day and taken to work. He was waiting for me at the bus stop.  My parents were having financial issues.  Well.  I'll say it.  They filed bankruptcy that summer and we were down to one car because my dad had been sold a lemon that could have killed us.  A cop of all people sold us the car.  Anyway, college boyfriend was helping me out a little bit with getting to work at Sears. ...

 I am doing better today.  I don't know why I got upset because Oh no!  Someone didn't respond to my email.  Sigh.  I had a lot of memories of people not calling me back so I'm quick to think in my vivid imagination Oh this person hates me!  No, they don't.  Being dismissed and forgotten about is probably the case.   Being dismissed and forgotten isn't ok either but it's kind of the norm when it's me.  It surprises me when I do see people like that and they say Oh it's so good to see you! I think, is it?  I never heard from you again so I don't suck? You know me talking about it makes me sound so needy.  I just return calls. I respond to emails.  I might not be immediate but I try to find time for people even if I'm tired.  Sometimes I don't respond to Corinne's messages in the morning. I do make a point by the evening when I sign off to write back because it's important. I may not hear from her for a few days and I d...

I'll say it again.  Flowery words are nice but they mean zero when you don't back them up.   Yesterday was a day to celebrate what I do every day.  I am ok if that day isn't celebrated.  I just am at this point in my life.  In the office, the managing attorney would say the same thing and then treat people like me garbage so heartburn from a lunch I didn't ask for and gift cards that I don't need just don't mean anything.  I would like my daily life to be quality. I don't want to hear words that mean nothing. I got something in the mail from the stomper.  It was a little organizer book and a fancy book mark.  I got a gift card that was good. I'm not sure the amount but I will use it.  I asked my sister if my niece would like it and she would.  It's not for me and it means nothing to me.  There was a note written on the inside and this morning I ripped it out of the book and shredded it.  It was just empty words. Ever since...

 On Monday, I was angry.  I felt like a dumping ground and I really couldn't pretend that I was a happy person when I got my response.  I actually cut off my call early because I was pissed off. It's not anything I'm familiar with. I hit the end button when I heard I really appreciate you.  Oh F all the way off.  No you appreciate me being a door mat. Just stop it.  Quit talking.  Yeah.  I'm talking about the stomper.  I think the light switch came on for me that I had enough and ignored enough. I still have to deal with it for a few more weeks and I don't know if I can fake it.  I think when someone is part of your daily life and it's imperative that you don't show how you feel, you ignore a lot.  I really can't ignore a lot and right now I want to unload a lot of my feelings off right now.  I wouldn't at the stomper.  Honestly.  So tired of the stupidity. I've said it before and I'll say it again.  So sick of t...

There's someone who is in my daily orbit that I have shown a lot of grace to over the last few years.  On Monday, I couldn't hide my anger when they directed me on something.  I just had enough.   Sometimes you make excuses for someone's shortcomings.  You say well they're better than this person or that person.  When you realize that they will be moving elsewhere, it's a relief that you won't have to put up with their garbage. The stomper is probably the best word to describe this individual.  They basically stomped their feet to get what they wanted and then stomped on others to get things done. Has the stomper been a bad person like the lurker?  No.  Complicit at times when it came to concerns regarding the lurker, but yes, has been gracious many times.  Insulting many times.  I always thought of someone that I used to deal with who was way worse.  I also remembered who was way better.  This person was not way better....

Hopefully it's not too chaotic with my daily life.  I know with the lurker gone it'll be a little faster and furious but I think everyone's mental health will improve without her playing games.  Do I think Regina and the diva will behave now that their leader is gone?  No.  I don't think it'll be as bad.  It's just a relief not to have her here sending me messages with yellow highlights letting me know what I did wrong.  She did it to a lot of us and Regina admitted to someone that the lurker got into trouble when they worked together because the others thought she was mean.  Yeah.  She is mean.  Glad she's gone. I think the dental cleaner I got is a game changer.  I noticed the difference when I put in my mouth guard.  My other cleaner wasn't bad, but I don't know if it had the same super powers that this one did.  I'm fine with buying more tablets off of Amazon.  That was someone's complaint.  I agree.  More ta...

 Ever tell someone something and they miss the point completely?  I get that a lot. I thought well, maybe I can cut down on my anxiety meds with the lurker gone.  If I said that to anyone jokingly, it would be do you need help? When I did speak up the last time about the lurker, the point of what I had to say was completely lost on this person.  The lurker was abandoning my tasks, closing them out and basically interfering.  I've already banged the warning drum on how this person is not trustworthy.  I said When does this end?  I said it's been a lot for me this past month being sick, my mom getting hospitalized over the Easter holiday and it's been chaotic for me personally.  I said can she just leave people alone and not harass them?  Life is hard enough. You know what I got in response?  You know, if you need family leave to take care of your mom, we have family leave. THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!   My mom was reading a book as ...

I thought maybe I'd go take a drive to Bay View and do my walking there.  Less gas.  Well maybe not that much but I thought I'd walk down KK and see if I could find the library.  Funny thing. I keep my iPhone with me and you'd think that I would look up the address but not yesterday.  No, I was a long way from a leisurely walk to their library from where I was parked.  Long way. I realized that as I went half way down KK when I didn't want to go under the bridge that was coming up.  I was already feeling annoyed by some of the businesses and some of the hipsters I saw.  I don't get it.  I lived there for almost 20 years and KK was always a little run down.  Not horrible but kind of shabby looking buildings.  Now it's the happening place to be.  I don't get it.  I thought about a business that had crochet classes and when I saw the business I kept walking. I think I'd rather take a class at Michael's if they have one. ...

I'll say it for the millionth time.  Social media makes us stupid at times.  Great for finding out what's going on with family if they don't live nearby.  Doing it everyday can be depressing.  My sister told me she deleted Instagram recently. I don't really follow anyone I know personally other than Corinne and it's a lot different than Facebook for me. I just don't do much with Facebook.  Haven't for years.   I liked Threads but I have found myself asking a question online about local things and get no response.  I get blasted if I show support for Jasmine Crockett.  I had kind of thought maybe this was a community.  There was a lot of people like me.  Alone.  Older.  Didn't really know what to do with themselves as far as social activities. I asked one question about are there things to do in the Milwaukee area where I could meet others?  Silence.  That sucked.  I wasn't overly upset.  Just hoping I c...

Well it's only me who reads this, but I'm back with my observations about life as an invisible person after a week off.  I feel like it's been a year, but what a week. I ended my month by finding out that there has been team shifting.  I kind of took it as a good thing.  I was sort of taken aback when they mentioned that a couple of managers will be basically let go.  More on that later.  There will be a new set of eyes looking at what we do and how we interact with each other.  There will also be three additional people who have more years of experience than I do and I am grateful for that.   I knew how things would go.  The lurker and Regina would try to dominate the others and make themselves out to be perfect.  Well that got shot to hell when I saw an email that improved my life greatly.  The lurker was gone and from the tone of it, it wasn't something she decided. I know there's still people who make me crazy like Regina and th...