Flowery Words

I'll say it again.  Flowery words are nice but they mean zero when you don't back them up.  

Yesterday was a day to celebrate what I do every day.  I am ok if that day isn't celebrated.  I just am at this point in my life.  In the office, the managing attorney would say the same thing and then treat people like me garbage so heartburn from a lunch I didn't ask for and gift cards that I don't need just don't mean anything.  I would like my daily life to be quality. I don't want to hear words that mean nothing.

I got something in the mail from the stomper.  It was a little organizer book and a fancy book mark.  I got a gift card that was good. I'm not sure the amount but I will use it.  I asked my sister if my niece would like it and she would.  It's not for me and it means nothing to me.  There was a note written on the inside and this morning I ripped it out of the book and shredded it.  It was just empty words.

Ever since this announcement came out, I kind of looked back at things that had transpired and I kind of wondered if maybe this was for the best.  Some things made me realize that I was stomped on many times.

I was left on my own a lot and when I would ask questions I would get dismissed nicely but it was kind of a lonely feeling when it would happen.  This was a newer world for me and even though the people were better that were in my world, some weren't so patient with my mistakes.  The stomper kind of shuffled me around too much and put too much on me at times.  I thought they were kind of unfair.

I had an incident last year where I got a call about something.  I had forgotten to include a detail and it was a detail that cost a lot.  I got asked how can I help make things better?  I said I'm overwhelmed and I can't handle what's being expected. I was covering big territories and nobody would help.  The thinker was brought into help with the situation.  I also got an email letting me know that I was being written up.

It was devastating.  When I think about it, I was the recipient of many ugly emails over the years but I never got this. I knew there was a financial consequence, but I didn't expect this.  I was told that someone else was responsible as well but I wondered after that, did they face the same consequence?  I'm going to guess no. 

There were many instances where things were brought up that pointed out where I was struggling in meetings at times and I didn't think anything of it but I look back and think that wasn't ok.  In the moment, you're not really sure. I think I've been kind of stomped on.

There was an instance around the holidays where I broke down on camera and the tears started coming because it got pointed out that I was behind on a report.  I got an apology and I got a box of candy a few days later.

I don't need candy but at the time, I got over the embarrassment.  Did it happen again?  Yeah.  It did.  I don't need candy. I would like to be treated nicely.

I'll make it nice for the remaining days but I think this will be something good for me.  Unfortunately I may have to help out with the new group that the stomper will be dealing with in the near future.

I hope no stomping will be involved.  I've had enough.