Saturday Blues

 I am doing better today.  I don't know why I got upset because Oh no!  Someone didn't respond to my email.  Sigh.  I had a lot of memories of people not calling me back so I'm quick to think in my vivid imagination Oh this person hates me!  No, they don't.  Being dismissed and forgotten about is probably the case.  

Being dismissed and forgotten isn't ok either but it's kind of the norm when it's me.  It surprises me when I do see people like that and they say Oh it's so good to see you! I think, is it?  I never heard from you again so I don't suck?

You know me talking about it makes me sound so needy.  I just return calls. I respond to emails.  I might not be immediate but I try to find time for people even if I'm tired.  Sometimes I don't respond to Corinne's messages in the morning. I do make a point by the evening when I sign off to write back because it's important. I may not hear from her for a few days and I don't think anything of it because I know she's doing work on the farm and other home improvement projects.  I know, Sosie might have gotten busy.  It's ok.  I do have a feeling I may not hear from her and well it is what it is.  If I saw her in a store she might be the happiest to see me.  I guess I suck at understanding people.

I have an appointment this morning to have my eyebrows waxed at a new place.  It looked decent.  I would prefer to keep going to the beauty school but I would rather do something so simple like this on a weekend.  I got to deal with parking and time off if I want to do this at the school downtown or after work.  The school seems to have a fit with me if I ask for a receipt. I get reimbursed for our health and wellness program so whatever.  This place is a few dollars more but I'll get a receipt for it at least.  I hope.  They left me a message that someone left so I'm with someone else.  I didn't pick a person. I just picked a time slot so this all means nothing to me.  They mentioned that this person went onto their dream job that didn't involve body waxing.  Why do I need to know this?  This is for my eyebrows.  No. I really don't understand people apparently.

I found out that the grifter I used to work has found a new place for his church.  I noticed the for sale signs when I drove by and finally found out their new location.  Well I didn't find out the exact location but it's somewhere in New Berlin.  It's big.  I am happy he's moving his grifter church out of my neighborhood.  Good riddance to him and his con artist wife.  I can't believe I didn't realize that he had a fake church in my own neighborhood up until a couple of years ago. And why does he talk in a southern accent?  He sounds like Foghorn Leghorn.

I felt so vulnerable after my mom wound up in the hospital over Easter weekend. I feel this panic to make a friend so I don't feel alone. I worry about me getting sick and nobody being able to help me.  I feel worse knowing that Cassie did it because she felt sorry for me.  Sigh.  That sucks. I know Corinne would do what she could if something happened. I know my sister would if something would  happen.  Here's hoping it doesn't happen again.  

It's not easy finding sincere people.  I do hear Hey if you need something, I'm here as a friend.  Are you?  People say a lot of flowery words but do they mean them?  I have found the answer to be NO.

I'm ok today.  Mom is ok today.  I'm grateful for that.  I got to stop with the panic feelings.

I'm going to try to have a good day. I hope the good humans do the same. 

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