Not Looking for Likes

I'll say it for the millionth time.  Social media makes us stupid at times.  Great for finding out what's going on with family if they don't live nearby.  Doing it everyday can be depressing.  My sister told me she deleted Instagram recently. I don't really follow anyone I know personally other than Corinne and it's a lot different than Facebook for me. I just don't do much with Facebook.  Haven't for years.  

I liked Threads but I have found myself asking a question online about local things and get no response.  I get blasted if I show support for Jasmine Crockett.  I had kind of thought maybe this was a community.  There was a lot of people like me.  Alone.  Older.  Didn't really know what to do with themselves as far as social activities. I asked one question about are there things to do in the Milwaukee area where I could meet others?  Silence.  That sucked.  I wasn't overly upset.  Just hoping I could get an answer.  

I saw a post of someone mentioning that they are going out to dinner alone on their birthday and how much it sucked.  They were turning a year older than me and just felt alone.  A lot of people chimed in and shared their stories. I shared mine and said that will be me in November, sitting at Starbucks.  Corinne doesn't go on Threads much but she happened to like that comment. It kind of upset me that way.

I wasn't looking for likes.  I wasn't even looking for empathy. I get that Corinne has been in my position for a long time and up until 8 years ago, she was in the same situation.  I think I had hoped that would have sparked a conversation or a message exchange. I don't fault her.  I know she spends more time online than I do which is fine.  She has a life and is busy.  I don't have a life and well, I don't want to spend it online.  I know she understands.  

I just read a Thread about a woman who shared the ducks that were in her area.  Some guy reached out to her privately and got weird on her.  She's married and it appears that there's been some type of harassment going on with her gate being open and some guys trying to break in.  It's scary with the online stuff.  

I met Harold online back in 2002 and that probably wasn't safe for me.  I traveled to a city by myself.  He was lying most of the time and was probably hiding drug use from me along with alcohol and cheating on me.  Something bad could have happened to me back then.  I'm so skeptical of online stuff after him.  

I am going to see if I can find some videos on how to crochet and try to teach myself. I knew at one point but my mind is overloaded most of the time.  I saw that there are craft nights at some of the libraries and the one near me has one in late June that looks kind of funny.  It's about making a yarn mermaid. I don't know if you need to have any skills but I thought maybe I should have some if I wanted to go do something like that.

There's a yoga studio at the corner of where I live.  I looked at prices and it wasn't too bad.  I have seen the people that go in.  I kind of feel like you need yoga clothes or you might look lame.  I don't know about that one.  I found some type of yoga classes or stretching classes at the library in Bay View that looked appealing.

I felt really depressed yesterday thinking about what activities I can do. I really wasn't hoping to be alone like this at 57. I feel so left behind by friends who got married and didn't have time to spend with their single friend.  I know if an emergency happened and I reached out on Facebook, someone would help.  I do have people that if something did happen, I'd like to think that they would come forward.  It's just a lot of times I feel like I'm talking to myself if I post anything. 

I really have been worried about being alone after my mom's stint in the hospital.  I feel so kind of scared to put myself out there in a class or some activity where I'm afraid I'll wind up sitting by myself.  No, I'm not chickening out.  I have tried in the past and I will try again.  I hate that I'm in this position.  I really do.  I feel so stupid that at my age I don't have anyone I can count on that lives nearby. 

I hate that I say this.  I know I couldn't have had dinner with anyone on Easter when my mom got hospitalized.  I spoke to her on the phone that night. I didn't eat anything really.  We had our bigger dinner the following weekend which was fine.  It would have been nice if I had someone that I could at least text and they could say, I'm sorry that happened.  Maybe send me a few texts.  Just wanted to have that feeling that someone was there, even if it wasn't sitting next to me. 

I kind of felt better after listening to my sister talk about how they were going to move back years ago because she felt like they had nobody there where they lived.  It changed for them and they did meet people where they live now and have a community of people that kind of watch out for my nephew when they go out of town.  

I don't need a community.  Just one friend that lives nearby.  That's all.  Not looking for likes.  Just sincere friendship.