Thoughts and Thoughts

I wanted to clarify my last post.  Never went to prom or any dances in school and I'm actually ok with that.  When you hear about what my classmates would do, you think, I'm good.  Maybe one of these days I'll go buy myself some mascara and give all the customers a thrill at CVS on Downer while my eyes turn into racoons from the heat.  I do miss my mascara and yeah, it would be nice if I got asked to do something that involved dressing up and wasn't for work.

I do keep some work clothes that fit me because there might be a reason I got to do something or something changes.  I'll be happy to burn them when retirement shows up.  I'll admit I didn't have to dress up like I did at other jobs.  When I found out I could wear sandals, I thought I won the lottery.  People would get written up for showing their feet at my previous job.  Gasp!

I don't look forward to my day because it involves me talking to people and well, I don't have much to say at this point. I got a lot going on and I'd like to get back to it and if people aren't going to help?  Cool.  Let me get back to it.  

I noticed there was something going on with an event today about various topics.  One of them is care giving and so help me if it gets mentioned I should join it, I'm going to lose my mind.  I'm still a little angry about a conversation referring to my mom.

It made it sound like my mom was incapable and I should take leave after I said I had a rough month between me getting sick and her little stint in the hospital.  More than one person said that.  You know you can get caregiver leave.  For who?  Me?  First up, my issue with this conversation was not about my mom.  I wasn't worried about her.  More worried about the bills that were coming her way.  I actually spent about 3 or 4 weeks getting over a sinus infection that caused me to get really sick one morning after she got hospitalized.  It just took the wind out of my sails but I recovered.  

For her age, she's faring better than others who are her age.  Even the ambulance guy said he didn't know too many people her age who talked as much as she did.  Welcome to my world!  Not complaining but that proves my point!  

When I was in the office, the mentor suggested I put her in assisted living.  For what reason?  His parents were there.  It didn't mean mine should go there for crying out loud.  That was over 15 years ago.  He hurt himself doing yoga.  Maybe he belonged in assisted living.

Nobody helped us when my dad died financially.  People did give us some money but there was a point where it became a little worrisome that we would have to move in with family.  We've been a team for years and sorry for the cursing but it fucking irritates me where I hear this kind of talk.  Yeah, she needs a little help with seeing.  It's not lost on me that she's not aging backwards so if there's an issue that comes up, we'll deal with it.  Yesterday, she called social services to help with her hospital bill and she had me read her case number to the person on the phone.  If you spent time in our place, you'd see that the lighting is horrible and it doesn't help when someone has seeing problems. I miss numbers too if I don't have a ton of lights on.

The conversation I had at the time was about the lurker causing stress.  I hate it when people don't get the point. I pointed out what a stressful month I had had and I got this you know there are resources to help you.  OH. MY. GOD.  Sigh.  

I am hoping in a few weeks that I won't have to deal with these frustrating conversations.  I really was asking for the lurker to quit causing stress for others.  Well she did obviously because she's not here.  

I was talking about not wanting to go to prom and how the hell did I wind up here?  Yeah.  I'm good at going off on tangents.

I hope the good humans have a good day.  I hope my face doesn't show what I'm thinking today.  That won't end well. 

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