Putting it Out there

 I know I may be putting myself at risk by doing this blog.  I kind of tried to keep it more neutral at first and put a sunnier side on it.  The truth is my feelings are messy, my life is messy and well people I've know haven't been that great to me at times.  I think if someone were to call me out about it, I'd have to ask, do you really admit that you're that awful person who left me at the airport because you're a drunk?  Nah.  Go away.  I try to keep names out.

I don't know how the views work or if anyone reads it. I'm ok if people read it. I'd like to hope that if someone came across it some night that they'd say Oh, I can relate to her.  I get it.  I totally get it. 

I sometimes do wish there was someone out there.  A guy.  Maybe reading this and thinking I get what she's saying and I like her.  She has depth.  She has character.  I know you got to be careful for wishing for a secret admirer, but in my fertile imagination, I wish for a random encounter with someone who may have read this and may find me on my walk passing by.  I was convinced the grey haired running man was no accident.  Like I said, my thoughts are vivid.

I got to admit, I would be embarrassed initially if a guy admitted that he read this blog.  I'd think oh my god, how many stupid things did I say?  It wouldn't be crossing boundaries.  It's not putting it up in a slide show like Irma did with Lois' picture.  This is about understanding humans in this world.  I think anyone who would take the time to learn about me and still want to get to more would be kind of a cool thing.

I think the only person who reads my stuff is me.  It's ok.  It's my therapy.  Maybe someday someone will read what I'm saying and feel better by it.