The Invisible Woman Chronicles

I was on the move a lot today. I actually got my 10,000 steps when I was done.  It was too messy to walk but I thought I have plenty of stuff to do this morning.  When I talked to my mom, she really didn't want to go anywhere so I thought ok.  I'll keep going with what I need to get done. I have been worried about my mom the last few weeks with her own mental health.  She had such hopes that we would have a Democrat in office.  The news has just broken her.  It's been a lot this week.  I know before I started my day, I see an alert about Don Lemon being arrested.  FOR WHAT? I was mad all day. I was ready to call CNN and yell at them but I remembered Don hasn't worked there for awhile.  So I left a message from my congresswoman to please keep him and Georgia Fort and the two other journalists who were arrested.  I just felt like I got to do something.  Say something.  I loved the way Don's husband looked as he held his hand and ...

I wasn't feeling so hot yesterday morning emotionally after seeing that sweet little boy so sick.  I just felt out of sorts with everything going on. I knew I should make a phone call about that stupid red spot on my nose that was bleeding. It hadn't lately and I thought maybe it would heal, but I wondered if maybe it was an infected cyst.  Last time I had one the doctor I saw said if it wasn't infected, he would have hit me with a book.  Maybe that's my apprehension in calling, I guess. When I talked to someone, they said that they would let a nurse know and they would call me because the first opening wasn't until late April.  I said that soon and laughed.  I really wasn't ready for any appointment so I said it's really ok.  It's an annoyance more than anything.  She was insistent that she would have a nurse call me. Here I am thinking it might be a day or two and it was within maybe the hour?  Or about around that time?  She asked if I cou...

I took my post down last night not because it was awful or anything.  It was just another tale of people being bad, but it seemed irrelevant with everything else that's going on in my mind. I'm so heartsick about that little boy with the bunny ear hat in detention now.  My heart was so sick seeing that little boy in his dad's arms and he's ill.  He's not doing well and he's not getting the medical treatment he needs.  He's not eating.  I'm so sick of stuff like this happening. Corinne said she's feeling like my mom did a few days ago.  Worried and upset and ready to break.  I tried my best to give her hope but I'm not feeling it so much either. We can't give up.  We are all traumatized.  I think of the people that turn their eyes to all this and think, What is wrong with you?   What is wrong with them?  That's what I struggle with today.  

It feels like shades of the pandemic except we have cold weather and now we get to witness citizen execution videos. Sigh.  It was like this heaviness in my heart that wore me out this weekend.  My mom broke down on Friday, upset by the boy with the bunny ears hat.  Me too.  I said I'm so sorry you're sad.  I'm so sorry we are dealing with all of this. As the weekend went on, the feelings of hope came back when we saw people in our neighborhood coming out to protest.   I just want us all to be nice to each other.  I don't want to see hurting.  I don't want to see cruelty and I feel like we've all been drowning in it so badly. We have to keep going no matter how tired we feel. Alex Pretti was helping a woman.  Renee Good was helping her neighbors. They were good humans.

Day off.  Cancelled my appointment or rescheduled in two weeks.  Cold as F.  This sucks. It looks like the case of the stolen check is going to trial.  Damn it.  There's a scheduling conference set for February 11th.  I was so mad when I read the case updates.  Not guilty???  Bullshit!  Well tell us who you think you did it.  It just pissed me off.  My mom said she'll testify but she's not happy about it.  I said you might get paid for the day. It might not be a lot but I think they'll cover for meals and travel.  I get plenty enough time and this is really not my idea of a good time for a day off, but I'll do what needs to get done. Damn it. I looked up the public defender online to see who this person is.  I didn't realize I was following them on Threads.  I unfollowed.  My friend Mo helps clients who are poor and need help.  She'd help us!  I don't doubt this attorney is a bad attorney.  I ...

I rescheduled my appointment I had for tomorrow when I saw school closings.  I also realized when you get your nails done, it takes a moment for them to dry and under any circumstance, I wouldn't have a problem to go without my gloves for an hour.  Yeah.  Not a good idea for tomorrow.  Fine with staying home and doing nothing.  Again.  I'm not doing anything wild when I step out of the house.  Just feels nice to get fresh air.  Not cold ass air.  Hard pass. I do have to get out on Saturday morning and get some damn postcard stamps.  I signed up to mail 10 postcards to voters for the State Supreme Court's race in early April.  It's ridiculous I can't find something simple like that in my own neighborhood.   My mom got a call from the district attorney regarding the check thief and asked her some questions about what happened.  My mom explained she didn't want to do a statement because she was worried about retaliation....

Today was a grouchy day. Maybe it was the cold.  Maybe it was a diva. I just left for an afternoon on Friday and I could see the chatter about something in my area. I heard from the thinker about it.  She took care of it but she needed some help and the diva tried.   My issue isn't the help part.  My issue is that the diva stopped listening to me.  She would ask a question after she had some training and then I would find the same question in another chat.  I have made comments in meetings or calls only to get swatted down by her.  I thought maybe she saw the light a little bit when I broke down.  Nah.  Then she is offering to train the thinker on my area.   I don't care who wants to work with who on what stuff.  It's the dismissive attitude.  It's the stepping on me moments that just absolutely pissed me off today.  I showed you kindness and you still take a shitty attitude with me.   I grew weary with...

I suppose.  It's January.  It just seems like we had enough of this in December.  Don't do this in April.  That's all that I got to say to Mother Nature that bitch. A three day week for me and I'll take that.  As part of my feel better about myself  movement, I am getting my first manicure on my own in six years.  I realized I busted a nail yesterday morning when I was in a store.  I thought how did that happen?  I don't know if the student will have a fit about it.  All the other nails are kind of growing ok.  I know my nails are easy to break in winter time.  I'm not even about having pretty polish on my nails.  I just want my hands to feel less achy if that makes sense.  I just have junky nails and I accept that.  I just sometimes want to dress them out and take them out to the grocery store or library.   This red spot on my nose hurts.  Well maybe sore is the right word.  I'm hoping it's j...

It looks like eczema might have hit me in the nose.  I'm not sure.  It looks like I got a red spot on my nose and it hurts.  It's sore.  I know my allergies have been acting up with the cold so awesome.  I'm not worried about it but maybe a reminder to set one appointment before the others to deal with my irritated skin.  I didn't notice it until last night and I thought well it's probably allergies, eczema and the fact that it's like 80 below the wind chill factor.  Once again. I get a day off and I'm rewarded with bitter cold.  Screw you mother nature.  We better not have this weather in April. Corinne had told me and actually sent me the link for someone's facebook page.  I don't remember the nickname I gave for this guy.  His name was Ted.  He reminds me of Ted Cruz so let's go with that.  It's his ex-wife that the link was for.  She got remarried last year and wow.  She looks happy. Made me happy for her see...

I think I gave the guys downstairs a good fright if they could hear me on Friday afternoon. I had just dropped my mom off at the food pantry and when I came home, I laid down for a moment and started sobbing.  I don't think it was some loud hard hysterical cry.  It was a loneliness cry.  It was a feeling so bad about myself cry.  Hopefully I wasn't loud.  It was like I needed to do it but I didn't need to scare the neighborhood. My one goal this year is to feel better about myself and to kick the ugly comments that have lived in my head rent free for years.  They're not always there but there are days that comments have haunted me and tormented me.   There's something about me that you would think would be respected by men but it's not.  I have shown respect for myself in some ways but this is a quality that has had me labeled as uptight.  Someone who needs to loosen up. This was coming from Harold.  There were horrible things said ...

This weather is kicking me in the itchy hands department.  I was looking at hand masks this morning to see if I could find something for relief.  Stupid eczema.  At least they're not bleeding.  I think I overdid back in early covid with the hand sanitizer and I had a knuckle bleed on me.   I know it's winter months and we're supposed to be wintering but I am missing being able to walk on most weekends.  Today is definitely not that day to take a leisurely walk.  I have to return my yoga mat and get a few things this morning so that will be my adventure this morning. I returned the eye mask on Friday.  I didn't know about those lights on it and how effective it would be for my sad little eye lines.  I've had sad tired eyes for years.  Maybe that's part of my look.  The mask just didn't seem safe after looking at it.  It's $60 which isn't a lot when you have a yearly budget of $750 but you know, I can get a lot of Kindle and...

I flipped the news off.  Enough.  You want to know but I'm afraid we all know too much. I have no words tonight. I know I will be the return queen this weekend, or probably tomorrow.  We have a new lifestyle and fitness balance on our credit cards and I thought I'd get a new yoga mat.  I didn't open the box.  I don't know about spending that much money for a mat.  I think I can do better and have it better cushioned for my age and aching back.   I got one of those LED masks to help make your eyes look less tired.  I've been tired since 1987.  Others were getting masks and I wondered about the eyes.  I was so excited to get it and then bothered when I tried it.  I'm afraid I'd go blind.  Now I feel silly that I got it.  I don't know.  It doesn't seem like a good idea.  I think if I want to spend that money, maybe I can get something done like my nails or a facial.  This just seems like a bad idea after l...

I kind of envied female friendships, like the women who would get together and go on girl trips or do their wine dates or whatever you want to call it. I would like it if I had a friend who lived near by but I'm perfectly happy to have Corinne in my life.  We are a lot alike in that we like our books.  We like our TV shows.  We like our Bernie Sanders.  We're not part of a girl gang. I feel kind of disappointed in The Thinker lately.  It was actually her who made me cry last month during our meeting when she added comments about my area being behind and it kind of crushed me.  She thought maybe it was something she said and it was.  It was more than that.  I was just burnt out.   I know that she has been dealing with a cold and a sore throat.  She wouldn't appear for one of our meetings where she really wouldn't have had to talk at all or could say Hey, I'm not doing well.  She informed me that she wasn't attending and she need...

We had the news on to laugh at the person calling names to our favorite orange fascist.  Chris Hayes showed the videos of people getting attacked by the thugs in masks and I got up after it was done. I got a kleenex or  puffs because it was too much.  I cried.  It was the guy that was on the ground that had all the agents on him and they lifted him off the ground and he's yelling to people his girlfriend's name.  It got to me.  It really got to me.  You could hear the whistles. I am just grieving for this country.  The cruelty is too much.  I don't know if I can ever forgive anyone who voted for this and think this is ok.   Been hit with cancer and a semi and survived both.  I don't know if I can take this.  I can but damn it.  This is just awful.   I'm so sad that this is what people thought it would be ok.  It's not ok.  

 I was actually feeling ok about life this morning.  It seemed like things have been a bit better with the new year.  It's been busy but definitely people seem a bit lighter.  I was worried about the whole ten minutes thing but I thought I'll explain and be more mindful.  Even the diva has been more enjoyable.  I know!  I'm shocked too! I got a surprise.  It was a paralegal who emailed me about a mistake. I wasn't upset that they copied others in that are higher up. This is a new procedure that we started doing.  It was the words they used that seemed dismissive and then the comment about money cost that just did me in and it was only 8:04. Yeah, I pulled myself together after that punched me in the gut.  It was a mean tone.  I responded to it.  A lot of people in my position wind up ignoring it and delete something like that.  I had in the past and I responded.  It wasn't anything mean.  It was apologetic and po...

We have a new time system where you sign in and out and it's taken a little bit of getting used to the last few weeks. I'll be working away and it's 10 after 8 and I remember I have to sign in.  I linger at the end of the day.  Well not linger.  I just have that 1 more email I should respond to or handle and when I submitted my time sheet, I was 10 minutes over.  Damn.  I accidentally worked over time.  Sigh. I hope I didn't get anything about it.  I'll be more mindful going on, but leave it to me to accidentally working overtime.  10 lousy minutes.  Sorry. I asked Corinne about her husband feeling apprehensive about traveling with the way things are and she said yeah.  Damn.  I had a feeling that's why they didn't do as much traveling.  It took him years to get here from England and now he sees what's happening in the news and worries.  I hate that. I'll say it again. I feel like Tina Smith - leave us the F alone. ...

People can say all they want to say that Oh, you were so lucky that you didn't have to have chemo and that your cancer wasn't worse. Yes, stupid people who should shut up, I was fortunate in many ways.  I was not fortunate when it came to billing and invoices. Let's start the history lesson in madness on this bill.  This is really nobody's fault, maybe the billing company, I don't know. Back in mid-August, I had a blood test that would tell about my chances of getting cancer again in the next 10 years.  If I tested positive, I would come back once a year and have a CT scan to make sure I was ok.  If not, I'd like to say I'm free but let's just say I won't have to go back and visit oncology on a yearly basis.  I asked at the time, will I get charged?  It got mentioned that I might, but to call and let them know.  Ok. Around late August, I get a text notification from North Shore Pathologists that I had a balance.  I didn't think much of it. I thou...

 Went to bed early.  Well maybe 10 minutes early but that's like an hour early for me.  I forgot to set Alexa for the song of the morning so instead, I got Precious howling.  Thanks.  It helped. My mom had me write a new note for the Great Fava to correct his mistakes.  I spent the night before writing ugly notes and laughing when I asked my mom if this would be ok.  Writing is cathartic.  As long as I didn't mail it.  I remembered to address him by his name and not an expletive.  Included the pleases and so sorry to bother you.  Not really.  You owe us jerk.  If it gets her the money she earned, I'll throw flowers on the envelope if it helps.  I'll mail it today and hopefully he won't write a snotty note back. I am still trying to get some order in the stuff that I have between almost moving, moving stuff for the windows people and then hiding stuff from company.  I may make a run to Goodwill with a few things....

 I knew what had happened today in Minnesota, but I didn't know the details until the afternoon.  We haven't had the news on much and I had watched a short substack with Jim Acosta and Jennifer Rubin.   This afternoon I heard it was a woman in a car and as she tried to back out, she got shot.  She didn't just get shot once.  Three or four times in the face.  Why? No.  I don't care if she was protesting.  I think she wanted to help and protect people of her community as most people would.  I think she got scared and wanted to turn around.  It shouldn't have happened.  She wasn't a terrorist.  She was a human being who was denied help when the medical people tried to help and wound up getting carried like a sack of potatoes. She's a mom.  She's someone's daughter.  She was someone.  It shouldn't have happened. I don't want to hear the fucking excuses from people about this.  It shouldn't have happened. To...

 Glad for the time off because it was needed.  Still horribly behind but eh, what's new? I got the feeling the diva is going to spout off today about people having time off.  I could see from our chat she was getting stressed out.  Every time I'm off for a period of time, there's an indirect comment from her.  Yet when I cried in our meeting, she reached out to me.  I thought you hurt me and you make me feel like crap.  You're part of the reason.  I didn't say that.  Sorry and not sorry if having to work harder took you away from your glorious Tik Tok career, you fool. Speaking of fools, the Great Fava returned the rent certificate and filled it out incorrectly.  My mom was just going to forget it.  I encouraged her to maybe have the guys fill their part out and we'll say that the Fava didn't want to do it.  She was done and that made me sad.  I think she had to think about it.  She wants me to write another note and ...

 That's what I heard when I pulled into the parking lot at the grocery store this morning.  I was in my car and just glanced at my phone quick and heard someone say that approaching my car.   Son of a bitch.  It was that damn woman who tried to hustle money from me twice before.  First time it was the same parking lot back in April and she called out beautiful lady, can I have a few minutes of your time?  She gave me a sob story of her and her family not having money and wanting $40 from me.  I thought I don't even have $4 on me.  I don't carry money with me rarely and I told her I'm about to be evicted from my home and she ran off.  It wasn't a total lie.  We weren't sure where we were going to live at the time. Then the same damn thing when I walked at Lake Michigan maybe back in October.  She was following me and approached me with another sob story.  She was holding a Starbucks drink.  Last time I went was on my b...

Wow on the news alerts this morning. I thought can we do that?  Can we take a leader like that?  Can we have someone do that here?  So many questions and it's a bad sign when you're tired on the third day of the new year.  Welp.  Here we are again. Speaking of dictators or just a dick, my mom wanted me to contact the Great Fava about her rent certificate.  He's supposed to fill it out and return it for the months that we was our overlord, god help us.  Mom was going to talk to Charlie and Jeremy about filling out the form for their part.  I texted him and got an informal response.  I was more friendly.  He was not.  He put it in the mail yesterday. I sent it to him 2 weeks ago.  It would have taken a couple minutes to fill out but I suppose he was busy lecturing his kids on the importance of saying Merry Christmas versus Happy Holidays.  A-hole. I hope my mom wasn't too annoyed with me saying this week sucked.  It did...