What's going on this Sunday

If Marvin Gaye didn't know what was going on, neither do I.  So Los Angeles is on fire this evening.  In a different manner than the wildfires.  This is the one time that I did wish I had Sling on but I would probably throw a shoe at my TV if I saw Scott Jennings on it.  

I don't know what to say.  I'm not surprised and I understand the anger.  This is what we're stuck with.  A government thriving on hate.  

The guys were here this weekend, working hard as usual.  I don't know anything about the equipment that that they have but what they have is nice. I was in awe of the snow blower that they put in the garage.  I am worried that the Great Fava never got the garage key back from the monster.  Hopefully the monster threw the key in the garage. 

Today, I saw that Charlie put out some yard lights, a few of them.  It looked so nice and I never thought about what a difference it would make.  I hope they have friends that they can sit out in the yard in the evenings.  No, it wouldn't bother me.  It would actually make me feel better to see them enjoying a backyard that looked so gloomy and dark a year ago.  Probably a few months ago.  

Today I was hoping that the scale would budge.  I've been more active.  I'm been better with the water.  It went up a few pounds.  Sigh.  I don't think I've gained muscle.  

Of course I went into the self loathing mode.  I don't want it to be like this and to be honest, I think my doctor was a little mad at me about the weight gain this time and I'm kind of afraid to go back until it's better.  I don't want to go see any medical person.  I felt like my body had to go war to fight a disease and all I got for it was a higher number on the scale and lower self esteem.  Yeah, can we switch that?  Yeah.  I'm feeling like a failure today.  No, it didn't make me want to go eat a bunch of stuff.  All I can keep doing is trying.  I feel so horrible and depressed.  Yeah.  I'm crying.  This has been so bad for me.  

Tomorrow I have to do my monthly meeting with my manager.  Lousy timing.  What can I say?  I still horrible about the no good horrible expensive mistake I made.  I don't want to know about any other mistakes.  

I'm not feeling ok tonight.  I think I'm going to embrace this crying jag that's coming over me.  

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