How to Be There

I have heard the phrase "I'm here for you" if you need it many times. 

And no that hasn't been the case. Lip service.

I hate saying that because it makes me sound so bossy and  demanding.  I am not.

It would have been nice if I got a text checking in on me when I was at the ER Monday night.

Sometimes a good joke helps. It doesn't make my problems go away but laughter can heal.

Sitting with me would help. I sat at almost all of my appointments alone. You don't have to talk but someone sitting beside me would have helped.

Being a friend to my mom. She's a nice lady and an aggravating lady but she can be pretty wicked funny. Sometimes company for her makes me less stressed.

Not a big list really. And yet all i get are empty words. Might as well throw them in a trash can.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dark Things

I sometimes wonder about this when I'm in a brooding mood about how I got treated at a low time in my life.  Or lowest. Would people have been relieved if I just died?   Really.  I have thought the answer was yes.  I'm not talking about my family. I am talking about those who made their discomfort known to me.   They could have had some fake ceremony and a moment of silence.  There wouldn't have been a funeral so they could have forgotten about that part.  They would have excelled at pretending to care about my life if I wasn't here. Then, I had to go do something stupid and survive.  How do we deal with that?  My mentor even mentioned to me, well, you know, none of us have dealt with someone being sick.  Oh, should I get a fucking manual for that?  Excuse the F bomb but that was warranted. When I got my schedule for radiation therapy, I had wanted to talk to my manager about it and find out if it was ok.  I had gotte...
Read more

Blue Evening

We took a drive to see a place in Bay View. I was kind of familiar with the address, but I wasn't sure. I found it.  It was not great. According to my Ring alerts, it's near an area with crime.  It was in our price range. I just can't seem to shake this funk I'm in.  
Read more

Know Who You Are

 I am struggling a bit with a new work assignment. I've bounced around to working with new groups since the pandemic and it's been alright, but it's been a little difficult with balancing when I just feel off with how much I"m doing.  I have my mojo somedays and somedays I don't know why I gout out of bed.  Today was that day. I got shamed by a mistake.  It wasn't that the person called me, they copied a few people to let me know I. AM. STUPID.  And no, I don't take it personal. It comes with the territory when it comes to the work that I do.  I like being behind the scenes and assisting but it seems to be that my kind can feel the wrath of when things go wrong.  Or sometimes all that we juggle is not enough.  We are the recipient of a bad day if someone has a fight with a spouse or a child and get told, it's better it happened to you than their family member.  Lucky me. Glad I'm not a family member. The worst came with someone who I reported...
Read more