The Loneliness of it all

I heard from my sister last night.  Her brother in-law is back in the hospital and I don't think he has much time left.  He's been having his own cancer battle for the last six years and well, fuck cancer.  That's all I got.  I'm so sorry for him.

His wife on the other hand is causing problems with his last wishes.  He would like to go to hospice.  She would like him home. I'll take Option A over her.  She's prepared to do battle.  They told her it was his wish.  She doesn't think he can make decisions.  I don't care how drugged up he is.  I think he means it.  I would mean it.  Let me be in peace damn it.  

I have no problem saying yeah, I'm lonely.  I'm also aware that you can even be lonelier in a relationship and I was.  Do I ever think the few relationships I had would have lasted my cancer diagnosis?  No. I don't think the few I dated would have cared or would have made it about them.  In the case of Harold, just blew me off and said I don't have time.  Hope your wife enjoys bailing you out of the drunk tank.  Anyway.

I feel horrible for him because he has spent his life with this angry woman who has caused nothing but problems in his life.  She helped alienate him from his own family.  I think that is the love that he thought he deserved.  No.  He deserved better.  He's a decent guy.  I remember the few interactions I had with him when I'd show up for stuff related to my niece and nephew.  He was probably what you would say kind of dorky.  Is that a bad thing?  No.  Not at all.  He had a first marriage that ended badly.  Everyone thought this person he married the second time was so sweet.  Where do I begin on how bad she is?

She's always starting fights with people.  She's greedy about money but there have been a few go fund mes for his treatment.  There was no reason for that.  Everything is a dramatic issue for her.  My head hurts when I hear the stories about her.

Years ago, I was at the dentist office and she came in with her three kids.  I knew she went to the same dentist because she talked my ear off the last time. She didn't see me and I hid behind a magazine. I moved myself over so I didn't draw any attention.  When they called me, you never saw me move so fast.  I started changing my appointments to Friday morning because of her but I know she doesn't go there anymore.  Thank goodness.  If she saw me, she would critique our interaction with my sister.  Mind your business, bitch.  She's shown a lot of grace by a lot of people.  I just can't deal with that drama.

I wish for him to have peace in his final days.  I hope his kids surround him with love and kindness.  He really deserved better.  We all deserve love.  It's not about the money.  It's about who will show up and show us the love we deserve.

Have a good day good humans.