Here we are again - Sunday scaries

I really don't have the Sunday scaries.  I mean, maybe I should.  I'm doing my best.  Last week it was said to me I have enough on my plate. I had previously felt like I was just a failure and falling down all the time.  It was said in a nice tone, but the implication was there.

I do have off again the week after next.  Kind of nice.  Kind of the same plans - hair cut, eyebrow wax.  This time I'm the one with the medical appointment.  I'll take any suggestions on this weight loss nightmare.  Don't care if I have to eat cucumbers for the next six months.  I'm sick of this.  I hope I made the right decision.  I'm not going back to where I was back in April.  No and no.  

The diva announced she too would be out the same week as me except I don't think anyone knew that information.  That sounds about right for the diva.  I was missing the Thinker in our last call.  The diva plans on working in my area to gather information.  I take no offense because I know she will tick someone off.

I'm a little disappointed in the vaper and this really should come as no surprise.  She asked in a meeting does anyone help me like it was some big discovery.  She knew damn well at the time that I was left to the wolves and I said No. Nobody helps me.  She sacrificed herself to maybe pick up some work and help me.  Well great.  Gold star for you.  Performative, but I'll take the help.  

I didn't realize she had stepped into another role part time when someone higher up left.  We used to talk a lot more and this just falls along the lines of not being able to trust any woman when it comes to these situations.  I don't feel stabbed in the back by any means.  Let down?  Yeah.  I do.  I tried to be encouraging with her.  I found out about this from someone else and we had exchanges.  She more or less told me she couldn't help me anymore and I said I understood.  I knew we had people leaving and it was getting harder.  I'm really fine on my own.

I actually filled out a form for her to participate in some leadership thing at our main offices about 3 years ago?  I told her later and I apologized she didn't get picked.  She said maybe someday she would nominate me for something.  I am ok that she didn't.  I would have liked her to have been a better help or responded to me when I asked questions.  I suspect that she might be smoking something she should be.  You know, that's on her if she screws up.  I have given plenty of chances.  She was the one who was supposed to help the Thinker with her training.  Who wound up doing it?  Me.  I thought about sending a message and encouraging her if to apply for the higher up position if she wanted.  I thought, you do you.  We bonded because the lurker and the loud mouth bullied us.  They're both gone.  I can see why the loud mouth had her issues with the vaper.  She does have a tendency to slide and others will baby her.  I'll be kind but keep to myself like I usually do.

Our new team member who has had plenty of years and double my time will be out getting cancer surgery and dealing with treatment.  I kind of worried something was up with her.  I think she's hysterical and this just kind of breaks my heart to hear she's dealing with this.  I said I'm here for the humor and here if she needs anything.  

Did I feel like telling her she had a cancer survivor in her team?  I didn't know if that was something that would scare her to be honest.  I just wasn't sure.  If the situation is right, I might say something.  Yeah, I have spooked others when I mentioned it and I don't want to do anything to make her feel vulnerable.  I know.  It might make her feel better to know someone went through it.  It's not the same cancer and I am aware of the difficult road she may have.  I used to sit in that waiting room every day with someone who had her cancer and coughed and coughed.  One of the nurses told me how difficult that cancer was to deal with when I asked questions. 

F cancer.