The Invisible Woman Chronicles

No comment on 2025.  It should be the year I lost my mind moving around stuff.  What a chaotic year and this is coming from someone who had cancer.  I just felt like I was crashing into walls repeatedly or crying on a Teams chat.  That was so bad.  I'd like to just go to black screen the next time I have that happen.  I think I earned that. The weather has sucked and I see next week looks kind of better. Damn.  No, I don't regret taking this week off. I never ask for this time.  It was good to be off the grid.  I got out this morning and got a few things from the store. I really couldn't walk because it was still messy from last night's snow fall.  Damn again.  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe I'll see the dorks walking to the lake to go jump in.  Idiots. I was feeling bad about my friendship ending with Cassie.  It's messed with me emotionally and mentally, making me worried about friendships.  I sometimes refrain from te...

Looks like I might not be able to go anywhere today either.  Damn it.  I thought if anything,  I could get some of the grocery shopping done.  I should have done it on Saturday.  I know I have all this week off, but still.  Two days in a row with crappy weather just sucks.  I am hoping maybe this afternoon might look better but I'm not holding out big hope.  I see Charlie is home today.  Maybe if he's out there shoveling and it doesn't look so bad I can get a few things.  I'm over winter. Well I don't know if I feel better than I did last night but it's a new day.  I guess there's something bad about being alone with your thoughts.  I woke up to a message from Corinne about one of her dogs attacking another.  That broke my heart.  I hope they can get a dog trainer to fix the situation.  I suspect the dog they just got may have been abused in other homes and that's just a reaction.  Their poor dog that got at...

My day seems to have taken a turn.  I think my mom being on the phone with my cousin kind of prompted these feelings.  I thought it would be ok to be watching TV in my room. I was watching a comedy special and I just started crying.  I can't seem to shake it. The special is fine.  I'll watch it later with my mom, maybe tomorrow.  It was just being alone with my thoughts and not having anyone to talk to at the moment really got to me.  I don't want to rain on Corinne's parade and throw it on her, especially after she had years of what I'm feeling and now she's in a better place.  I know her and her husband have a lot to do with the farm too and I don't know.  I'm afraid of scaring anyone even more after Cassie and guess what that makes me want to do?  CRY!  Ugh.   Well starting Thursday, our rent goes up another $75 and I was feeling worried about rent, life, expenses.  I still owe about $500 for my medical from the spring ...

 That's maybe my one goal for the next year.  Feel better about myself.  Take better care of myself.  I feel like 2025 kicked the daylights out of me.   This morning, I did something that I thought would make me scream. I tried on a pair of my jeans that I hadn't put on for a few years.  It wasn't as painful as I thought until it came to the zippering and buttoning but I thought ok. I can do this.  I laid on my bed and did it.  No, I'm not wearing them for crying out loud. I just wanted to see how they felt.  I don't think I could have done it a year ago.   I hadn't weighed myself in the last month or so?  I wasn't over indulgent with food. I wanted a break from the stupid scale.  It didn't stop me from exercising which I do everyday.  It just stopped me from feeling bad.  I may feel bad when I do step on it again after this week but I'll keep working at it. To anyone who comments on a person's weight? ...

My sister and niece are crafty people.  I am not.  My sister made this beautiful unicorn for my niece.  I said if she doesn't want it, I'll take it!  I'm getting one in blue now.  I'm only 57 going on 5.   Anyway, I have a box of leaves and I'm hoping that they don't wind up crunched when I send them off to my niece and Charlotte.  I know there's some type of thing that can be done to preserve them.  I just don't know what but my niece will know.  She's crafty and has made displays of my dad's old piano tools which I think is really sweet. I tried the arts and crafts. I was never good at it.  I'm bad at a stick drawing.  I never really had an interest in going to the craft fairs either.  I love what my sister and niece would do but leave me at home when it comes to the fairs.  I'm good.   One of our engagement activities was going to the yearly craft fair in Madison. Everyone was excited for it except one pe...

Christmas was fine.  With it just being me and my mom, it can seem a little lonely some years.  After this last year, I was fine with it being the two of us and trying to detox from 2025. She seemed ok but I wasn't. I guess my mind was cluttered with ghosts from the past haunting me.  I don't even want to say their names because it's not worth it and neither were they when it came to my friendships or relationships with these people.  I hated that part of my day felt upset reliving things in my head about things that happened. The woman that apologized to me in the store the other day kind of set me off on apologies I should get and will never get.  That's where I struggle. Part of me feels like where's my apology?  The world doesn't owe me anything and small minded shallow people will never apologize for the hurtful things that they did.  Part of healing is knowing that you deserved better.  I do. I'd like my mind not to be filled with those who ...

I went out for awhile this morning and was regretting as soon as I walked into the West Milwaukee Pick n' Save.  Someone was anxious to get their cart in the store and get in there fast. I stepped out of the man's way and he knocked over some holidays displays that they had as he went on his search.  That still annoys me.  Jerk.  I picked up the stuff and tried to put it back the best I could.  It just made me mad.  I'm so tired of the no consideration attitude people have more than usual.   I went on my walk and decided to torment myself with Jonathan Karl's latest book about the 2024 election.  It didn't bother me.  Just a reminder of what a bad time it was.  Well we're not living in happy times by any means.  I was really interested to hear more about the Jack Smith stuff that's supposed to be in the book.  I wish they would have done an open hearing.  I really would have liked to have heard more from him.  So...

One more day and I'll be off until January 5th.  Wow.  Weird to have this time off and so grateful.  Maybe I should have tried to ask off years ago and see what would have happened.  It would have been no.  I don't know.  It just seems like I was always and probably still am in last place for things. My cousin has had a phone that's not working.  Her cell phone is working but she told my mom two weeks ago that her landline wasn't working.  She's also talked about having so many minutes on her phone.  I sent her a text and asked if her phone was working on Sunday.  She had sent my mom an email saying it would be until after the holidays.  Sigh.  She's lying.  I'm not mad that she's lying.  She did respond to me the next day with a "No" on her phone not working.  My mom feels a little relieved for the break.  It isn't that she minds talking to my cousin but she gets tired easy and judging from the conversation...

This week I heard from a co-worker from the office wishing me a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  That was nice. I liked Kallie.  I had to do a double take when I saw the names on the email.  Irma, Frick and Frack, my old manager.  Gross and gross.  I knew where this was going. The emails flew in about how everyone misses each other and merry Christmas.  My manager sent a picture of a baby and I guess she became a grandma.  There were a lot of things I wanted to say but silence was my only option. Kallie had left our company after she got promoted and then came back. I was surprised.  I had one interaction when I helped out her group and she said hello.  We exchanged pleasantries but really haven't said much to each other since.  The Thinker used to be in Kallie's group and I said if there was one person that was good to work with, it was Kallie.  I mean it, too. Kallie and I went to two different places even though it was the sa...

I had a very busy morning.  Nothing eventful by any means but plenty of places to go.  I had stopped at my neighborhood Pick N' Save to get the queen her litter for the next 2 weeks.  Figure a truck load.  Anyway, I noticed about 4 or 5 clerks wearing masks.  Not my business to ask why anyone does but I'm like why all of a sudden are they doing that?  A couple of them have a Nobody is going to tell me to get a vaccine attitude.  I thought good reason to get in and get away quickly. I had an appointment at Walgreens in my old neighborhood.  It's sort of in the area.  I did a lot of shopping in that area when I lived in Bay View.  I had gotten a call about getting the pneumonia vaccine last week.  I didn't remember ever getting one and I said ok.  I made a week out in advance to make sure my insurance covered it which it did.  Never know with the ways thing are in crazy town.   There was a line when I got there....

It's been a fast few weeks.  I feel exhausted emotionally.  I don't feel depressed about the holiday.  I just feel tired from the long year we've all had.   I am getting a pneumonia shot on Saturday morning. I got a call from the Walgreens where I got my covid and flu shot.  I wasn't sure if it was covered by insurance but I found out it was.  Never know what changes with our new insanity administration.  I'm just gob smacked about the affordable care act subsidies and people not being able to choose insurance.  I can't believe the cruelty that people have been experiencing. I got a card to make my next eye doctor appointment and I did.  I should have had one this month but eh, March will be fine. I should have some money in to get new contact lenses.  I was surprised to see my doctor's name on the choice for doctors.  Interesting.  Her and her husband run the place but I saw a new doctor's name.  I thought maybe she ...

It's been a tough month and well we're barely at the half way mark.  This weekend was the toughest in the news with the shootings at Brown University, Bondi Beach, Australia and then what happened to Rob Reiner and his wife. Rob Reiner.  Damn it.  That is horrible what happened to him and his wife.  I was about ready to go to bed and I saw that there was a news alert about his home and that there were 2 dead bodies.  I came out to talk to my mom and we found CNN online to find the news.  It was them.   I loved a lot of Rob's movies like The Princess Bride and The Sure Thing.  Stand by Me was a wonderful movie.  I always enjoyed seeing him pop in movies, on TV and I remembered Mike Stivic growing up.  He was the first outspoken liberal TV character I saw.  He was someone who would have been marching the No Kings protests.  Rob was an outspoken critic of well, you know that guy.  Sigh.  I don't even want to talk ab...

 I just feel broken these days. 

It's definitely nicer having Charlie and Jeremy living downstairs with all the snow we've gotten.  I feel bad for Charlie because I could hear him going out about 4 or 5 times yesterday either to shovel or salt.  I also think it's been a bitch to go anywhere or do anything with the bad weather we've had and it seems like time has been moving too fast the last couple of weeks. I have to get Charlotte's Christmas stuff out in the mail this weekend and it will be bitter cold. I don't even know if I have a mailing envelope for her stuff so I have to look this morning.  I will have to put Corinne's off until next weekend and hopefully hers gets there on time since she doesn't live as far as little miss.  Normally I take a random day off in December to take care of that stuff.  Well I didn't.  My bad. My mom thought I was mad at her because she had me take her to the food pantry not that far from us and pick her up.  No and I explained it.  I wasn't fe...

I had a dentist appointment in the morning and I said that I would be in before noon that morning.  After rushing around to do my cancer appointments, I was at the point where I was done rushing.  I had the time and I wasn't going to rush.  It was a Friday and nobody was going to do my work except me.   I was done early and I knew I could have gotten to work earlier but I didn't.  I ran my errands at Target and I stopped to get lunch at Mayfair Mall.  I went into Nordstroms to look around first and someone offered to do my eye make up when I looked at some of the make up counters.  It was someone who worked for Nars.  They had fun cool eye shadows and I said sure.  She did a fantastic job on putting eye liner.  I don't know how to do a cat eye.  She knew and it looked great.  She wanted to do more and I said I had to get to work this morning. I bought my stuff, grabbed my lunch and went to work. I didn't think anything of ...

It really hasn't been great going for a leisurely walk even at lunch.  The snow has been built up on the corners so you feel like you got to climb a mountain and risk sliding into the intersection even at lunch.  Ugh.   Yesterday, I kind of avoided the cycling Santas and drove over to Bayshore to get a few things from Target.  Their holiday card selection sucks.  I wanted to get a card for Charlotte to put her gift cards in and get one for Corinne. I found a pink reindeer card for Charlotte.  Considering how nice Corinne's cards are to me, their selection was just pathetic.  I knew there was a Hallmark store down the street so I figured it would be a good way to get a bit of a walk in yesterday morning.  I found a decent card and didn't slide into any intersections on my walk over there.   My mom wanted to get some books from the library that she could read on the Kindle.  I told her my card needed to be re-validated and she as...

It feels like the month is moving too fast and we're only on day 5.  I realized that if I want to get Charlotte's christmas package out, I better finish with what I need to buy and get it to the post office by next weekend.  It was fine that I had off on Monday but I think next year I'll change that time to a later date to do my last minute stuff like stand in a stupid line at the post office.  Exciting life, I know.  I just know what a bitch it can be mailing out stuff on a weekend and since my post office sucks, I'll have to do it on a weekend.   I finished filling out my evaluation yesterday and I feel relieved.  I don't feel relieved about the work I'm behind on after missing a couple of  days the last few weeks plus the holiday.  Hopefully I can gain some ground today.  Fingers crossed.  It was a relief to have our meeting cancelled.  I don't mind them but I love the gift of time more.   Seems like the lurker kep...

It was a closer than expected race.  4 points in Tennessee?  I think that's fantastic.  It would have been nice, but it's a positive sign.  I saw that the Democratic candidate beat out the Republican incumbent for mayor in Roswell, Georgia.  Good.  Got to find the positive signs in this weird nightmare. I wish my mom wouldn't go back to the food pantry.  She feels the need and is worried her snap benefits will get cut off next month because well, that guy is threatening democratic states to turn over data.  Sigh.  It's like every damn thing we do.  Two steps forward, eight steps back.  Yeah.  I hate being right but this what I feared. I saw a doctor last night on Jen Psaki's show who's running for the senate in Michigan talk about that guy's MRI.  The doctor said he's more worried about people not being able to afford an MRI and I thought hey, that's me.  Sigh again.  I think I'll be fine but I'm at the point whe...

I didn't have Tennessee on my bingo card for an election to watch today but I am curious to hear how Aftyn Behn does.  I hope she wins.  I hope the momentum keeps going to end this cruel regime.  I'm exhausted and we're only 11 months into it. I was off yesterday and thought it would be nice to take my mom to Southridge to see the Christmas decorations.  Yeah.  There were decorations and they sucked.  Oh well.  We got out of the house for a little bit. I didn't get much of a chance to walk yesterday after the snowstorm.  It was nice being able to get out and not to have to use a shovel.  Charlie was even salting on Wednesday when we only had flurries.  I would like to hope that I'm retired from shoveling but to be honest, I don't know.  I don't know if I can afford to be here another year.   Sigh.  The cost of living is really sucking up my energy and my money.  My mom wanted me to buy a sweater from Macys for a ...