Final Day of 2025

No comment on 2025.  It should be the year I lost my mind moving around stuff.  What a chaotic year and this is coming from someone who had cancer.  I just felt like I was crashing into walls repeatedly or crying on a Teams chat.  That was so bad.  I'd like to just go to black screen the next time I have that happen.  I think I earned that.

The weather has sucked and I see next week looks kind of better. Damn.  No, I don't regret taking this week off. I never ask for this time.  It was good to be off the grid.  I got out this morning and got a few things from the store. I really couldn't walk because it was still messy from last night's snow fall.  Damn again.  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe I'll see the dorks walking to the lake to go jump in.  Idiots.

I was feeling bad about my friendship ending with Cassie.  It's messed with me emotionally and mentally, making me worried about friendships.  I sometimes refrain from telling Corinne stuff because I think what if it's too much?  I'm in my head about me being this damaging person and that I'm so defective that nobody wants to know about my life because it's too much for them.  Sigh.

I know.  I know.  That's life and people who aren't cowards can take the tough things in life.  They may gone through the rough things in life.  When I tell Corinne some of these things, I find out she understands.  She sends me a meme to make me feel better.  Wow.  So that's what a friend looks like?

I was feeling at fault about what happened with Cassie.  I don't know if this was the friendship I thought it was and it's been embarrassing to think about at times.  Is it better that we're not friends?  Yeah. I think she's spoiled.  I don't think she's shown sensitivity towards others at times.  I definitely know she lacks empathy.  She's more interested in status by befriending certain people and treating people she deems beneath her as charity cases.  Is she a bad person?  No.  Just not the friend that should be in my life and in reality, I was never her friend.  I was her charity.

If a friendship or a relationship makes you feel small or stupid, it's actually ok that it ends.  If you feel like you have to apologize all the time, it's ok if it ends.  It's ok that relationships end.  Something really cool maybe around the corner.

I guess being kinder to myself is what I'm going to work on in the next year.  It might not work every day, but I will work on it.  

I hope the good humans have a good 2026.


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