Wishing for a Text

My day seems to have taken a turn.  I think my mom being on the phone with my cousin kind of prompted these feelings.  I thought it would be ok to be watching TV in my room. I was watching a comedy special and I just started crying.  I can't seem to shake it.

The special is fine.  I'll watch it later with my mom, maybe tomorrow.  It was just being alone with my thoughts and not having anyone to talk to at the moment really got to me.  I don't want to rain on Corinne's parade and throw it on her, especially after she had years of what I'm feeling and now she's in a better place.  I know her and her husband have a lot to do with the farm too and I don't know.  I'm afraid of scaring anyone even more after Cassie and guess what that makes me want to do?  CRY!  Ugh.  

Well starting Thursday, our rent goes up another $75 and I was feeling worried about rent, life, expenses.  I still owe about $500 for my medical from the spring and really hoping that I don't have anymore in 2026.  I worried because my mom told me her sugar was high with the new pill but she admitted she had been sloppy with the chocolate covered pretzels she made.  I just kind of worry about what will it get raised to next year.

I hate the fact that the faucet in the bath tub hasn't been fixed. I like the guys but I think they are not placing their priorities in the right spot.  We're not asking for a new tub.  If there's a faucet that can replace the one we have that won't leak would help.  I think they're waiting for us to maybe move so they can remodel upstairs.

Where am I going to move?  There's nothing in our price range.  We know we can at least stay for another year.  

I don't go anywhere. I don't do anything.  My one little thing is taking a drive to Lake Michigan and going for a walk.  I don't even stop at Starbucks anymore because that stuff is not in my budget and I'm good.  I don't get my hair colored anymore.  If I do something nice for myself, it's because the lifestyle and fitness plan at work covers it.  I'm trying.

I feel like shit for the debt I incurred.  Ah, the price of loneliness.  What do you do when the world hurts you?  Buy a new pair of shoes!  Or ten!  I wouldn't go that far, but you get the point.  I am making progress but it's been a painful process.

I wish I had someone to talk to about how I feel tonight.  I don't even have to talk. I can text because I'd be too upset to really talk on the phone right now.  I do really fun emojis.

I really wish I had someone who could take my text message tonight.


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