Ghosts of Christmas Past

Christmas was fine.  With it just being me and my mom, it can seem a little lonely some years.  After this last year, I was fine with it being the two of us and trying to detox from 2025.

She seemed ok but I wasn't. I guess my mind was cluttered with ghosts from the past haunting me.  I don't even want to say their names because it's not worth it and neither were they when it came to my friendships or relationships with these people.  I hated that part of my day felt upset reliving things in my head about things that happened.

The woman that apologized to me in the store the other day kind of set me off on apologies I should get and will never get.  That's where I struggle. Part of me feels like where's my apology?  The world doesn't owe me anything and small minded shallow people will never apologize for the hurtful things that they did.  Part of healing is knowing that you deserved better.  I do.

I'd like my mind not to be filled with those who have done bad things to me on days like yesterday.  I'd like better memories and better people to be thinking about when I'm alone.  

If these people keep popping up in my mind, I'm going to charge them rent.  We're living in a tough economy, damn it.

I deserve better in life and I earned it.  

All the good humans deserve it.  

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