Showing Grace

Kind of wish some people weren't online.  Not even talking about the diva today either.  I mean, I wouldn't be sad but my day ended with a Are you kidding me? kind of message.  I can't stand it when people use exclamation points.  It wasn't directed at me, but I know if it was in person, it would feel like it and it would tick me off.  The one who makes my eye twitch?  You guessed it.  I'll admit.  This person shows me a lot of praise when things are well but they have their moments that just make me want to leave the room for about an hour.  Whatever.

I worked up the courage to make an appointment to see a new doctor next month, well, actually nurse practitioner.  I thought of it originally and then wondered if maybe I should go with a doctor considering my history.  It's fine by me after reading reviews of other professionals.  No way.  I realized the one I was looking at didn't have that little "taking new patients" line on their bio. I thought damn.  I know why.  She seems nice and empathetic.  I have absolutely no problem with the person I'm seeing.  Wonderful reviews.  Kind and empathetic as well.  Fine by me.  

I looked at some other reviews online of people that looked like they might be a good fit.  They were rated high but I always look at the lowest and see if I'm missing something.  The word retaliation didn't sit well with me.  I know you can't always take the reviews too seriously.  Sometimes people are just asses and have something to complaint about all the time.  The ones I saw sounded pretty damning. I thought we'll stick with my old neighborhood.  I feel better about it. I considered their clinic in the third ward district and even on the east side.  Eh.  Not so sure.  I know I needed a change but not one that will be worse.  Here's hoping things go well.  I noticed there's a fair amount of availability so that's great. The doctor I was hoping had good availability as well, but it was more scattered.  Not a big deal. I have one more call to make next week and I know that appointment will be in 2027.  I'm never in a hurry for any medical stuff.  Just want to get it on the books.  I have my dental appointment on Monday.  It really sucks my dentist is retiring.  I'm wondering if his partner is retiring since I'll be seeing him. It wouldn't surprise me if he tells me that he's retiring as well.  Change sucks, but sometimes it's a good thing.

I saw online there's an event to honor certain patients who have had a certain cancer.  I forgot this is the time of year I hate.  Sigh. I don't hate it as much as I did initially.  I thought Oh yay!  We have a whole month to celebrate something I'd like to forget!  Yeah.  I felt angry when this month would pass.  I thought oh, this will make my life feel so better if someone wears a t-shirt on my behalf or buys me some pink socks.  I wanted to tell off the people that were at the mall one year that the Susan G. Komen foundation is a rip off and doesn't do anything for women.  It really doesn't and no, I didn't tell anyone off.

No, I don't feel that way anymore.  I do want to forget what happened.  I don't get angry when I see people doing walks for someone they love or loved.  I don't get mad when I see someone posting about it this month.

I didn't want praise or socks or have someone walk on my behalf.

I wanted to be shown a little grace.  A little kindness.  A hug.  A person that would sit beside you and tell you it's ok.

I don't get those things in my life.  I'm not treated with cruelty.  I just don't get the understanding that I need some days and that's hard.

I'm not here for other people to kick and I'm tired of it.